I am in serious need of advice. I don't know if I'm experiencing burnout or just a cumulation of not being happy as a nurse, but I feel like I can't stand another day of work in my ER nursing job. I feel very depressed all the time and work is all that I can think about, namely how much I dread having to return. Even if I have 4 days off, all I can focus on is how many more days until I have to go back. I have dreams about being at work and they are more like nightmares. It is affecting my relationship with my husband and family, as they are so tired of hearing how much I dislike my job and how much I regret going into nursing.
To give some background info on my situation, I have only been a nurse for about a year. Even prior to graduating, I started having doubts about my choice of nursing as a career. During my senior year in particular, I started really regreting my choice and thinking about other options. I originally went into nursing with the goal of becoming an NP. During my senior year, I went ahead and applied to a few schools for FNP and I was accepted. After a lot of thought, I finally decided to turn down the acceptance and work as an RN for a year to get some experience.
I started out on a med-surg floor and I hated it. I was only there for a few months. After leaving, I found a job in the ED. At first, I was very excited and it seemed like a good nursing job. In comparision with many other bedside nursing jobs, it is a good nursing job. I get a guaranteed paid hour lunch break every shift. The staffing ratios aren't great, but they are better than at some hospitals in the area. I enjoy working with most of the staff. I like the variety of patients. My commute to work is only about 5 minutes and I even go home sometimes on my lunch breaks. Even with all of the positive aspects of the job, I still just don't like it and I'm starting to really dread going to work. I really think that I'm just not cut out for nursing. I hate working weekends, nights, holidays, and 12-hour shifts. I hate wearing scrubs. I hate performing most of the skills and tasks that go along with nursing. I really don't enjoy direct patient care.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I applied again for admission into an FNP program and I am still waiting to hear back from the university. I'm not really even sure if that's what I want to do anymore though. In the meantime, I'm searching for another job outside of acute care, but I'm finding it very diffcult without that year of experience. Also, I'm worried if a move outside of acute care so early in my career could affect my chances at future FNP jobs if I still decide to go that route. I've also thought about getting out of nursing entirely and my husband is encouraging me to pursue a waitressing job, but it feels like such a waste after earning a 4-year degree. I'm also very frustrated that every other career that I've considered would involve me returning to earn another BS degree and then going onto graduate school. I already have enough loans from the first BS!
Whew, thanks for letting me get all of this out. All of the stress is really starting to get to me. I would appreciate any advice or input.
