My 9 year old patient was raped and required surgery

ssouthernyankee · Dec 27, 2008

Ok, don't worry anymore about her journal. She isn't using it to write. She is drawing butterflies and flowers.

I am going to get alot of heat about this but oh well. A long while back I started the drawn out process of becoming a theraputic foster parent. Long before my pt came under my care....I passed my home study a couple months ago. I have been in close contact with her case worker and as of now we (entire team) have come to the agreement that I would be the most suitable placement for her. She will need ongoing medical care, I am a single woman( no men in house), and I truly know what it takes to overcome what she has gone through. The fostercare system is rough, but I am living proof that you can overcome and live a semi-normal life. I am strong enough that I overcame so much of what she has ahead of her on my own. I know I can help this sweet child. Yes, I am way involved but I am able to help this girl when no one else is there to do it. I refuse to turn a blind eye and just hope for the best. I am sure many of you think I am so wrong in doing this but tell me if you know you can make a difference isn't that what you should do?

Babs0512 · Dec 27, 2008

It really doesn't matter what we think. What matters is what those involve think, and you and the team your working with know the case better than any of us, and if you are willing to give of yourself and take this child on, then God bless you. You know you may see behaviors develop in this child that can be trouble in the future, so you understand the commitment you're making. We aren't here to judge you, or give you absolution.

I wish you and this child the very best, and I hope Jesus sits on your shoulder as you attempt to parent this child physically and mentally. We will all be rooting for you, I'm sure. Do keep us posted.

Blessings to you both.

ssouthernyankee · Dec 27, 2008

Personally, I'm not sure the foster parent idea is a good one, no offense. The OP has to deal with her trauma she experienced at the hands of a predator, and by the sounds of it, she may have more work to do before she would be able to help this child.
I cannot believe there isn't someone in your area who could come and work with this child - perhaps in a nearby city? I live in a rural area, but within 30 min there are three large cities with which to work.
I genuinely believe you are doing your level best for this patient, but you must put your own demons to rest before you can really tackle her's. IMHO
Blessings

I know it doesn't seem like I have dealt with my own issues but truly I have. I was in foster care from 11 to 17 when I worked my rear off to get myself imancipated. I've gone on to college raising 2 awesome kids on my own. Never had help from anyone other than a therapist. I turned my entire life around on my own. Even after dealing with what has happened to me one can never completely forget. I've done well this has just triggered some memories in me but I am handling it. I did manage to get my former therapist in to see her and she will continue to do so. Just thought I should clarify that I'm not falling completely apart. It has been difficult to get her all the help she needs mainly because of the time of year when so many are out on vacations and such. Thank you for the concern though. God BLess

ssouthernyankee · Dec 27, 2008

It really doesn't matter what we think. What matters is what those involve think, and you and the team your working with know the case better than any of us, and if you are willing to give of yourself and take this child on, then God bless you. You know you may see behaviors develop in this child that can be trouble in the future, so you understand the commitment you're making. We aren't here to judge you, or give you absolution.
I wish you and this child the very best, and I hope Jesus sits on your shoulder as you attempt to parent this child physically and mentally. We will all be rooting for you, I'm sure. Do keep us posted.
Blessings to you both.

Thank you so much. I know what the possible problems are, I've had additional training for the theraputic foster care program to deal with potential "problem children" I can't say that I will always know what to do but I do know that I will always do the best I can by her and any future placements I may recieve. Thanks again.

Yin Yang · Dec 27, 2008

Ok, don't worry anymore about her journal. She isn't using it to write. She is drawing butterflies and flowers.
I am going to get alot of heat about this but oh well. A long while back I started the drawn out process of becoming a theraputic foster parent. Long before my pt came under my care....I passed my home study a couple months ago. I have been in close contact with her case worker and as of now we (entire team) have come to the agreement that I would be the most suitable placement for her. She will need ongoing medical care, I am a single woman( no men in house), and I truly know what it takes to overcome what she has gone through. The fostercare system is rough, but I am living proof that you can overcome and live a semi-normal life. I am strong enough that I overcame so much of what she has ahead of her on my own. I know I can help this sweet child. Yes, I am way involved but I am able to help this girl when no one else is there to do it. I refuse to turn a blind eye and just hope for the best. I am sure many of you think I am so wrong in doing this but tell me if you know you can make a difference isn't that what you should do?

I just read this whole thread tonight, and eventhough I was feeling like you were getting too involved, I feel much better knowing that she has a chance of being with you. Maybe not forever, but at least long enough to become a survivor. I feel that we are put in people's paths for a reason. We just have to be smart enough to recognize it, compassionate enough to open our heart, and committed enough to follow it through. My prayers are with you and her as you embark on what is sure to be a very difficult journey. Please do keep us all posted (as much as you can). I believe that you will help each other find inner strength and peace.

:icon_hug:

Love to you both...

Yang

cardiacRN2006, ADN, RN · Dec 27, 2008

Honestly? I think there was a reason that you became so involved with her in the first place. You two were destined to be together. I think you are just what she needs right now, the parent she needs.

Take care of that sweet girl...

ssouthernyankee · Dec 27, 2008

Honestly? I think there was a reason that you became so involved with her in the first place. You two were destined to be together. I think you are just what she needs right now, the parent she needs.
Take care of that sweet girl...

Thank you. I feel the same way. I feel like by meeting this child and become her caretaker my life and my childhood struggles have not been in vain. I think I was meant to do this. And even though I'm no where near perfect I can promise to do the absolute best by this child as I possibly can. Thanks again. God bless. please pray for her tomorrow she's going back to the OR for a reversal on her colostomy. I will be holding vigil at her bedside.

sharpeimom · Dec 27, 2008

please pray for her tomorrow she's going back to the OR for a reversal on her colostomy. I will be holding vigil at her bedside.

She will be on our church's prayer chain first thing in the morning -- and you will too. You will both be in our prayers tonight. Please keep us posted. Hugs to you both from our beloved shar-pei who is a therapy dog and his 5 kitty siblings.

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

ssouthernyankee · Dec 27, 2008

She will be on our church's prayer chain first thing in the morning -- and you will too. You will both be in our prayers tonight. Please keep us posted. Hugs to you both from our beloved shar-pei who is a therapy dog and his 5 kitty siblings.
sharpeimom:paw::paw:

Thanks so much. Prayers are the best thing right now. I will have laptop with me tomorrow so I can keep updating while I hold vigil. God bless!!!

rn/writer, RN · Dec 27, 2008

Speaking as a former treatment foster parent, it sounds like you are doing the right things to make a good long-term committment to a child who really needs someone in her corner. As long as you are thinking with your head as well as your heart (and it truly does sound that way) good things can come of this unconventional bond.

We adopted one of our foster kids. It was a mixed blessing with an abundance of both pain and joy. Damaged kids can blossom with love and support. They can also strike out at the ones who care the most for them, either to test the limits of their safety or because they don't know any other way to let out the "stuff" that's in their hurting souls. Kids with attachment issues need therapy from someone who truly understands that dynamic. Some therapists say they deal with RAD kids because they attended a seminar or read a book. Finding folks who are really competent can be a challenge but one that is worth the effort. RAD kids can come around, but not without a lot of effort.

This little girl may not have attachment issues and may "only" be damaged by the abuse she has lived with. This is a more straightforward challenge, but a challenge, nonetheless.

The best thing you can do for her is to make sure that your own needs are met. If you take her as a foster child, then I strongly urge you to create a support system for yourself that includes friends, confidants, your therapist, people of faith--a community of folks that you can turn to when your own pain comes bubbling up. Even though you have survived your own terrible childhood and gone on to build a successful life, this little girl can't help but ferret out any pockets of pain that still exist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that--in fact, it can be quite a healthy thing--but you must have a framework of caring people to lean on, people who will check in with you to make sure you are taking care of yourself and who will be there for you when you are running on empty. Don't wait for a crisis to assemble this team.

Being a treatment foster parent is an adventure with all the excitement, terror, and invigoration that implies.

I commend you for being willing to extend yourself on behalf of this child, to go beyond the feel-good measures that barely scratch the surface. I was impressed that you were willing to see her be transferred three hours away because that facility might be better for her. That tells me that you are really considering her needs above your own.

BTW, for those of you who have encouraged the use of a SANE nurse, this is an excellent suggestion immediately following an assault. After the initial examination, however, a victim advocate is the more appropriate choice. This is because the SANE's role is to collect and document objective evidence and testify in a courtroom if that is necessary. The sensitivity exhibited by good SANEs is what I think you are after, but, as I said, apart from the physical exam and collection of evidence, the victim advocate (preferable one trained to work with kids) is what this child needs.

I'm so glad this hurting child has you for a friend. You know from your own background what a difference good people can make when your life has been shattered. If you become her foster parent as well as her friend, I pray that you will both be blessed by your time together.

Please, continue to let us know what is happening.

Feel free to PM me to talk more about this.

Take care,

live4today, RN · Dec 27, 2008

i currently have a 9 year old girl i am taking care of on unit. she was raped resulting in surgical repair to entire pelvic floor and also needed a colostomy. as i change her sheets and such i just don't know what to do. i cry everytime i walk in there. i just want to hold her. she isn't allowed visitors and she is so scared. my heart is breaking. any advice?

i will never understand how any human being could hurt a child, especially raping them. this really pizzes me off! i feel anger - even hate for the animal that raped her. makes me want to beat the crap out of him. i hope they caught the s.o.b that did this to this poor innocent little girl. i shivered when i read the title of this post, and almost didn't click on it to read because of fear i wouldn't be able to stomach what i might find here. there isn't a swear word, or punishment horrid enough for monsters that harm little children in this way. yet...even these jesus died for because they need salvation, too. we're not asked to "feel" love for those who cause pain to others; we are asked to extend to them the love of god (it's a commandment and not a feeling, thank god for that), and to pray for them...so that's what i will continue to do as i've had the need to pray for psychos like that throughout my own nursing career. :stone

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Dec 27, 2008

As a student, I have a medical question regarding this poor girl.

Is the colostomy temporary until her bowel area heals or is it permanent?

To me, that just makes it worse....like the child needs a daily reminder.

Reminds me of that woman that shot and killed her sons abuser in the middle of court about 15 years ago b/c he was getting ready to get off scott free.