My husband works for me- is this ever going to work?

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Nov 3, 2005

What a horrible situation to be in... I hope you realize that if the "friend" based her friendship contingent upon special treatment at work that she was never much of a friend anyway. Fortunately, I am not in a position where I would have to take disciplinary action against him, and if a situation happened where I did have to somehow, I would defer it to my DON ( I asked her if I could do that when she wanted to hire dh PRN and she said it wouldn't be a problem.)

It was horrible and I realise now we could never have been friends, I just put it down to another lesson in life. I am sure you will be ok, you have thought it through, and are aware of potential problems. Good Luck:)

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Nov 3, 2005

You might not be in charge of his evals or staffing, etc., but if something needs to be handled during a shift, you are it.

Be in their position for a moment. If they had a problem w/ your husband, could they bring it to you to solve? No really. I'm not asking if you are an open person, I'm asking if the situation itself lends to the thought process that you would or could not be there for them.

Or let me put it this way: suppose a patient suggests that your husband was abusive to them or under the influence. Whether true or not, could you deal with that, or would you just blow it off because you know it isn't true. Could you be or be perceived to be a fair arbitrator on the spot? Isn't there an inherent reason to fear that you couldnt' be - if you were the person taking a side against your husband, wouldn't you feel the odds were stacked against you?

Could you order your husband to take a drug test?

And this has only been discussed along the ramifications of work. If you made a decision your husband disagreed with, how would it affect your home life?

I would def shy away from this situation. There's reasons it's frown upon elsewhere. And there are reasons you have doubts about it. And they are good reasons.

~faith,

Timothy.

Q. · Nov 3, 2005

Excellent points Timothy and precisely why 9 out of 10 organizations prohibit this type of thing.

I agree Lori that it may work for you, but as a leader you also hold an obligation to your employees. I would feel uncomfortable if I were working for you and wanted to report your husband; there would be no way that I would feel you would be fair about the situation. You can't possibly be. You're human and you love your husband.

That said, it's not fair to me as an employee. And as a leader, your obligations lie with that.

LoriAlabamaRN · Nov 4, 2005

Excellent points Timothy and precisely why 9 out of 10 organizations prohibit this type of thing.
I agree Lori that it may work for you, but as a leader you also hold an obligation to your employees. I would feel uncomfortable if I were working for you and wanted to report your husband; there would be no way that I would feel you would be fair about the situation. You can't possibly be. You're human and you love your husband.
That said, it's not fair to me as an employee. And as a leader, your obligations lie with that.

I honestly don't take complaints from the residents, that is done on official forms during the daily care plans meetings. As far as complaints from the staff or the opinions of the employees, I feel that if 98% of them want to work with him and are perfectly comfortable with the situation and 2% were not, then wouldn't I be out of line for bowing to the unfounded opinions of the 2%? We are short enough of nurses as it is in this facility, and that is why we have PRN staff. I will never make him a permanent employee, and if a problem ever develops, since he is PRN we wouldn't even have to fire him. But if I stop him from working here, then I am putting a strain on everyone else, and while we are so short-staffed that seems like shooting myself in the foot. I do love my husband very much, and we have an extraordinary degree of trust between us. If he was the kind of man who based his love for me on preferential treatment at work, he wouldn't be the man I married. Any type of staff complaint at all regarding him would be handled by the 3-11 supervisor or the DON, period. There haven't been any, but if there are I will defer them immediately. I wouldn't try to minimize them or cover them up, that's not the type of person I am. I agree that it would be a very bad idea to hire him fulltime, and yesterday I talked it over with him- he understands and agrees. I also met with my DON yesterday (actually based on what I read here) and talked it over with her. She stressed again that he is an outstanding nurse and that she most certainly does not want him to stop working here. She said she has gotten no complaints at all and in fact has had people come tell her how much they enjoy working with him. I think that the other staff are worried taht he will stop working here because of the possibility of disgruntled workers, so they go out of their way to assure everyone that they want to work with him. Two of our CNAs won't even volunteer for a certain hall unless he is the nurse.

I don't want to sound stubborn, I honestly don't. And I truly appreciate everyone's feedback. It helped me make the decision against allowing him to go full time (the DON actually tried to talk me INTO asking him to work fulltime, but she understands my reservations) and for that I am truly grateful to you all. Who knows what type of problems that would have caused.

Lori

MTK · Nov 4, 2005

Unless you own your own business, this situation is loaded with potential HR issues.

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Nov 4, 2005

I honestly do not consider you #4 as you are not working here and seeing the situation.

As you say, you cannot judge someone when you are not working in their position. This is very true so remember "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you'" This seems very appropriate.

I don't want to have to defend my position or my fairness.

If you know your doing the right thing you shouldn't be put in the situation of feeling like you have to defend yourself. I'm sure all you want is opinions. Fair opinions, some may disagree, it's their right but hey be nice about it.

After all, my approval rating is higher than that of anyone else, and the employee satisfaction surveys, which are filled out anonymously, showed no problems.

No need to toot your own horn. No need to look for proof that you're 100% correct. Your employer knows the truth, others are probably just jealous.

The three that I am talking about haven't approached me with any problems but I have heard that they made snide comments. I don't know if I should meet with them and let them talk it over with me or not. I'm not mad at them for the way they feel, but I do want them to adequately understand the situation.

It's always nice when someone understands the situation but no matter the job, no matter the position there will always be those who will make snide comments, turn the story around. I don't think you should have to meet with them. They don't sign your paycheck. The one who does sign your check is the only one you need to worry about and apparently they are not worried about this situation.

For my 2 cents worth: I think it's a free country and if your husband wants to work in the same institution and the institution doesn't mind then go for it. I personally don't think it's a good idea but that's my "friendly" opinion only.

GrnHonu99, RN · Nov 4, 2005

I just wanted to get opinions... I am the RN supervisor on the 11-7 shift at a LTC facility. My husband is an LPN. He now works here on a PRN basis, and he works the night shift also. Let me first add that he is a wonderful nurse, and that I have had countless staff members tell me how much they enjoy working with him. He is always willing to help out whether it be other nurses or the CNAs. He has even fixed the cars of staff members who couldn't get them to start. He also fixes the computers here when they go down during the night shift. Ordinarily I wouldn't be comfortable with this arrangement, but in the facility the LPNs work 7p-7a while the supervisors work 8 hour shifts. Therefore noone can accuse me of favoring him when it comes to assignments as he has been assigned for 4 hours before I come in. I also do not hire or fire, that is done by the DON (who, by the way, loves having him here and thinks he is one of the best nurses working here.) Also, I tend to be harder on him so noone can get the impression that I am favoring him in the slightest. My problem is this: there are a handful of staff members who really seem to resent that he and I work together. Not many, but just a few. I keep hearing things that were said, and I know that unfounded rumors have gone around before as to favoritism.
Is there anything I can do to eliminate this? He has only been here for about 2 months, will it get better with time? I love working with him, he is dependable and caring, which makes my job easier. I just hate thinking that there are people who are so petty as to resent this situation. I didn't even hire him, my DON did- and it was her idea.
Does anyone have any ideas? Or opinions?
Lori

I hope it works out with you. There are always going to be people that complain. As long as he is doing his job and you, him and the DON don't have a problem with it, then that is all that matters. Those other coworkers have nothing to complain about.

marylyric · Nov 4, 2005

Let me add that mine is not the only situation like this in the facility. We have two LPNs who are sisters as well as charge nurses. We also have had a supervisor whose daughter worked for her as well. I agree that it is unusual, however isn't the important thing that he provides excellent resident care as well as assisting the other staff members? I know that if I were the one working here and seeing this situation, I would not automatically assume that my supervisor would not be fair. He is also only here on a PRN basis, not full time, which eliminates any responsibility I would have as far as pulling schedules or absences, time off, etc. He basically answers to the DON, not to me. Yet there is still a handful (actually three) staff members who have made snide comments that have come back to me by other staff members who love working with him.

Isn't that illegal or at the very least an ethical issue

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Nov 5, 2005

Isn't that illegal or at the very least an ethical issue

We have several married couples at work, on different floors and a brother and sister on the same floor same shift. I couldn't do it, don't particularly agree with it but hey if admin doesn't complain, go for it !

jelkel · Nov 5, 2005

My 22yo daughter worked for me as a mental health worker on a children's psych unit. Initially, things worked out great as she was a solid, hard worker, but it started falling apart when the social life started interfering. Other staff felt they needed to keep her party behaviors from me ( I did not attend those events!) which created unneeded tensions.

My management partner also had his sister-in-law working for us, and again, she was fine as a staff person, but the supervision piece got all mixed up with personalities and accusations of favoritism.

We both vowed NEVER AGAIN for family members.

shesley · Nov 5, 2005

I have a very similar circumstance- My husband is an administrator and I an RN- the catch to that is that we work at the same facility, he as administrator and myself as Director of Nursing. I enjoy working with my husband and have worked with him for several years, he is a great adminisistrator- sorry to say there will be problems still though, most people enjoy working with the 2 of us (many don't realize we're married until they notce last names)! My only advice is to keep work and home seperate, do the best job you can and at times things do have to fall harder on the spouse at work just to rule out favoritism. Good Luck:balloons:

steelcityrn, RN · Nov 5, 2005

I Feel The Chances Of A Married Couple Working Together Long In This Field Are Very Slim.