My husband wants me to quit

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Ok, to make a long story short...I am in nursing school. I was working 36 hrs a week. I work 1 hr away from school so the nights that I work I would go straight to school (did I mention I worked 12's). Anyway, I couldn't keep up the pace so I started just working on weekends. Well, for the past 2 or 3 weeks, my hubby has been saying things like I want you to quit your job b/c I don't get to see you and neither do the kids (I have 2). He controls ALL the money in the house and I don't know on a moment's notice how much we have in the bank. This is the reason why I work. I have never depended on a man as my sole source of income and I'm 29 years old. My husband is controlling of money and if I as him for just a pair of shoes, if he doesn't feel it's important, I don't get it. So I don't know what to do. He also says that he doesn't like me working nights or weekends and I keep thinking how is this going to work when I graduate? What should I do? Has anyone else gone through this too?????? HELP!!!! I feel like my marriage may not work out. I've been married for 2 years!

You're so true Mommalumps. I like working. I hate having to ask my husband for gas money. He pushed and pushed for me to get a job and now that I have one he wants me to quit. I wasn't planning on working during nursing school but I am now and I like it. I work in a hospital as a unit secretary and it's helping me get through school. Thanks for the advice!

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Anyone, what would you do if you were me?

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Specializes in Nursing Assistant.

Talk to your Husband. I'll say a prayer for you.:icon_hug:

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You heart is telling you right now. :redbeathe

Keep your job and tell your husband how important it is to you. My Mom always tells me "Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doin'." Not to be deceptive but just keep you ducks in a row as a Woman,Mommi, and Student, first. If you do, everything else falls into place, trust yourself. I also have the quickest reciepts for hungry kids in the world.:D

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Does your spouse not like having to take on watching your kids when you are at work? I would not let someone hold me back and tell me what to do, especially if he has the purse strings and you need some degree of independence.

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Specializes in ICU.

Or, you could just try to focus on the positives for now and live off his income while he puts you through school. Once you have your RN you'll have great earning potential, a career you love and a lot more options. If you guys split up now, what would you do? Would you be able to go to school AND work AND take care of your kids? Sometimes in marriage you have to take turns leaning on one another...and I speak from experience. My husband is my sole means of support right now and while I HATE being dependent on anyone for anything, I know it's only temporary...eyes on the prize!

And yes, it does stink having to go to someone for money whenever you need anything. I agree with the previous poster who suggested you try to work this out in advance so you don't feel like a little kid going to him for your allowance. You are an equal partner in the marriage whether you work or not...and school is work, definitely! Good luck to you!

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Counceling is great and if I might also suggest some books by Patricia Evans regarding the verbally abusive man. If he laughs at you about anything thats important to you, its sounds like discounting and that will definitely chip away at your self esteem> If you were the one bringing in the money would you ever treat him like that?

Im in counceling now for a similar relationship and it has really helped> good luck:paw:

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he sounds insecure. if u work then how does he control all the money? he's only doing what u allow him 2 do. by the way, what is his age? from your description, he sounds much older than u. i hope u don't give up on your dreams because hubby is no being supportive. i hate hearing of situations like this because it's silly and immature 2 b jealous of your spouse for wanting 2 do something with their life. hope it works out.

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Specializes in 2 years as CNA.

Girl you have got to set him straight NOW.

My hubby and I got into an arguement about a week or two ago. He was feeling very insecure and felt like he was not getting enough attention. And right now I am just taking pre-reqs not even in NS yet! I told him if he thinks it is bad now just wait!! I give him attention all the time but he wants me 24/7. I told him that we all have to make sacrifices and he is going to have to support me in this. That I am going to NS to help US out, not just me.

He then proceeded to ask me to either quit school or quit my job, my choice. I told him there is no way in he** that I was quitting either right now. I am going to be quitting my job when I start NS but I have to work in the meantime to save up. He then told me that I have to choose between school and my job or him. I told him sorry but I am not quitting school or my job. He said so that means that is more important than him. I told him that of course he is important to me but that I refuse to live the rest of my life on minimum wage and struggling paycheck to paycheck and that if he won't support me that is his choice. I also told him that he needs to GROW UP!!! I told him one of the reasons that I look forward to being a nurse is that I can work 3 shifts a week and then have 4 days off to be with him and kids if we ever have them. Finally he saw my point and agreed with me.

But boy was it a fight and I was balling my eyes out the whole time. I told him that he has got to find something to occupy his time and that it was very selfish of him to depend on me for all of his happiness.

Things have been better since then and he is trying to step up to the plate. I know that your situation is different but you have to stand your ground too. There is just no way that I will let anyone control me, not my money, my friends, or my career. Now that doesn't mean that I won't take my spouses feelings into consideration and compromise with him but he will NOT dictate to me when I can or can not buy something. Even if you don't work, you still take care of the kids and that alone deserves a salary.

Good luck. Keep us updated on how it goes. You are in my prayers.:icon_hug: Hugs

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Specializes in Case Management, Home Health, UM.

Though it was my ex's idea to work while I was in school, he still grumbled and griped about my wages putting us into a higher tax bracket. I finally told him that I would be more than happy to quit my job, if he would be willing to pay for our son's child care, gas for my car and the portion of my school tuition not covered by the GSLP. He shut up after that.

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very well said. there should be no dictating n a marriage.

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Dearie, this is a BAD sign. It appears he wants to control you. That needs to be nipped in the bud now. If you're married you have every right to have a say in how money is used, especially if you earn some of it. Do you have access to the accounts? If not, open one of your own. What if something happened to him? If you did not have access to the accounts, you would be in a world of hurt.

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