My friend is dying.

[General E. Speaking, RN]

My friend, a fellow RN, has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. He is 30 yrs old and has been given 3-5 mos to live.

He has already been set up with hospice. We are all pretty shocked. He had an orthopedic injury so finding the pancreatic cancer was by accident.

He has been making a "bucket list" and has been para-sailing and we have plans to skyjump. He is going to get a hefty amount of money from a settlement. I am praying that he gets this money as expected so he has time to travel and enjoy what time he has left.

He tells me that this isn't the time for tears and he wants to just have fun. Dh and I have been spending a lot of time with him and his girlfriend (she is a RN too).

I try to hold my tears around him. Sometimes we all get a little teary-eyed and quiet but for the most part we try to relax and laugh, play games when together. We hug frequently and tell each other "I love you" often.

I have never been in this situation. I have never been told by someone, "I am dying. I can't believe it"

I am trying not to be a slobbering crying mess around him (but it is hard).

Any insight into my situation will be appreciated. Anything else I should be doing? or saying? not saying?

Thanks.

[leslie :-D]

i'm with tewdles....YOU are his gift.

i need to wipe my eyes.

God bless you, gen'l.

leslie

[Nole]

Tears flowing here....agree, you are a gift

[tgrosz]

thank you for sharing, you are a compassionate

soul, may you be forever blessed.

your friend is heroic, thoughts and prayers

are with him and all of you who care for him.

[General E. Speaking, RN, RN]

Thanks. Yall are making me cry now.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

wow...

[wigglesgogo]

Wow! you are really a great friend. Thank you for sharing!

[rn/writer, RN]

So much living packed into such a short time. It's sad that it takes something so heartbreaking to open up the floodgates of friendship and camaraderie, but maybe it would be too intense to live this way all the time.

Sounds like you guys are holding wakes before he dies. And that's a great idea. Why should people have to wait until he's gone to say what he means to them. The mix of laughter and tears is good.

Maybe you can help him to plan what he wants after he goes. It's okay if he's mad at God. That's an honest reaction and God has big shoulders and understands our emotions better than we do. If he'll let you, help him to plan what kind of arrangements he wants. Music. Service. Prayers. What he doesn't want. Who he'd to speak. Doing this might give him some sense of control and n assurance that he will be remembered.

I'm so glad you're there for him and that he feels safe to lean on you and your husband. What a testament to your awesome friendship.

[koulett]

You are a most beautiful person. I think that your words and your actions create a quality to your friends life that is helping him to 'leave softly'. When the time does come you can think about what a supportive force you have been. Many can learn such touching lessons from what you have shared as you move through and deal with this. Much love to you.

[nola1202]

Thanks for the advice. Loosing my uncle suddenly, then another friend who was only 44 a short time ago and learning of his cancer has been quite a blow.

One thing that bothers me right now is he is very angry at God. I am praying that he will get closer to God when his time ends.

I've always felt it's ok to be mad at God. God is big enough to handle our anger as well as fear. Lashing out at God isn't any different then lashing out at a loved one. They are safe to be angry with. God still loves him as much as before, he/she understands the pain underneath the anger.

My dad died of Pancreatic Cancer too. He lived about another 6 months.

I'm sorry, it's a tough diagnosis. The good thing is, we had Hospice. They had answers to questions we hadn't thought to ask. Don't worry about doing or saying the right thing. Just by being there you are saying "I am with you and you are not alone." I wouldn't push God right now, if he brings it up, ask what he thinks, wants etc. I'm with you on the prayers, they may be silent but they are heard.

Please take care of yourself during this arduous time.

[katkonk, BSN, RN]

I just read this post. I feel your friend has already passed on by now. I

just wanted to thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. I hope it ended/

will end the way he wanted it to. You were/are a true and very special friend

for him. Bless you.

[exnavygirl-RN]

Here is a link to her update from October. https://allnurses.com/hospice-nursing/my-friend-dying-625805.html . It's quite bizarre. Make sure you scroll down.

I just read this post. I feel your friend has already passed on by now. I

just wanted to thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. I hope it ended/

will end the way he wanted it to. You were/are a true and very special friend

for him. Bless you.