My first young-eating experience

[PeachPie]

The other day, I had my first and last day in newborn nursery clinical. The nurse was a real pusher, and I learned a lot because she assigned a lot of work to us. However, she was also rude and condescending. She had criticized just about everything, including my instructor, in not-so-nice tones or language. I admit that I was a bit slow in the nursery because I have never done it before and that there was a flood of babies (2 sets of twins!), and that I didn't expect a lot of coddling, but it was hell.

My clinical instructor has ordered us to meet up before, during dinner break, and after clinicals. Lateness is penalized. I did not finish all of the assigned work by the time dinner break was coming up. I explained the situation to the nurse in advance, apologized, and offered to finish when I got back. This is when she started to evolve from irate cattiness to flat out witchy.

When I got back, she put us right back to work, which was more good experience. I managed to avoid her for most of the evening as I gave babies their first baths, took vitals, and applied triple dye. Since I had spent the clinical day helping her out, I didn't get my paperwork done. I had to come back in after the clinical had ended in order to copy the charted information. She was still busy, but rules deemed that I was not allowed to do anything because my instructor had left the building. I explained this to the nurse, apologized that I could not help her with caring for the babies, but offered to fetch things for her or other things that would not break the rules. She started making comments about how I was lazy and irresponsible, both to me and any coworkers who came by.

At that moment, I realized that it was HER problem, not mine. I understand perfectly that she was overworked, stressed, and needed the help, but she crossed the line when she started talking smack about me. There was no winning this situation, no resolution, no compromise and no right action. All she wanted was to take her frustrations out on someone. Even profusely apologizing would not have worked. I ignored her as I finished my paperwork, although I would have gladly respected a request to get help her out. She eventually figured out that I was ignoring her barrage of insults, then and heard her piss and moan to a couple more coworkers about me. After I finished, I courteously thanked her and bade her a good night. I got a snort in response. Ah well, I'll probably never see her again now that OBGYN is over.

[GardenDove]

I don't remember in nursing school the nurses relying on us students in this way. We were there to learn, not as staff members. I recall my neonatal rotation and doing assessments, VS, and giving a Vit K shot. I don't recall being under any obligation to nursing staff to finish a certain amount of their work.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Good point, Tweety -- and I regret not thinking of that myself. I am currently working on an educational program to help nurses respond to bullies in a productive way. Perhaps in the future, I'll have a list of handy suggestions to offer people who need help standing up for themselves.

It's funny, but it's not been a big problem for me in my career. People have told me it's because I project the image of being someone who can "take care of myself" and who won't let herself be pushed around. I'm not sure exactly what I do to project that image, but it seems to work. :wink2: I worry more about the opposite problem -- that people will be too intimidated by me to tell me if they disagree with me and that I will lose the benefit of their honest insights. I work hard to try to appear more approachable so that people will feel comfortable disagreeing with me.

That would be interesting for you to share. Too often I read from students, GN's and nurses "I just ignore it." while at the same time saying that they are hurt and upset by it.

It's not just bullies, many times when I've confronted a bad attitude, the other person says "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I'm having a bad day, I'm sorry, etc." then I feel better, and they know how they are acting and stop it.

I too project some image, not sure what, but I've never been bullied. Have I encountered a nurse having a bad day expressing it inappropriately, yes I have. I've dealt with it.

Sounds like an interesting project and would love to hear more about it when you're finished.

[nservice]

Yes, Please share your project with us when you're finished!!!!

[CRNI-ICU20]

Such good advice from the group here! When I was first beginning, I went through the same gauntlet....

Personally, I think this is one of the worst marks against our "so-called" profession....If we are going to call ourselves a profession, then why do we stand by and allow adult bullies to harrass and intimidate those who are new to the units we work on? IF we are REAL men and women, why stand on the side lines and watch the toxic ones carnivorously chew others up and spit them out? If you are in a position of management, or leadership, shouldn't you be the first to say, "this isn't how we operate here."? One of the most beautiful ways of supporting one another in the trenches is to reach out to the ONE WHO IS STRUGGLING, and offer help. Allowing another to bully and berate and badger someone is wrong.....WRONG......WRONG!

Soon enough, the bully will learn that they are outnumbered....

I believe honest, direct, and politely controlled confrontation is not only the professional thing to do, but is expedient. It puts the ownership of toxicity squarely on the shoulders of the bully.....

One must ask themselves how anyone with that kind of toxic behaviour can relay healing through their hands to a vulnerable patient, if they carry within their own spirit such negativity and nastiness.

I am sorry on behalf of that nurse that she could not see her missteps with you.....shame on her! If she's burned out, stressed out, or just plain disordered, she shouldn't be assigned tender seedlings who are just learning to apply their knowledge. Nursing instructors should screen a little better....maybe stay a little closer by, or do a little incognito observation....she should advocate for her student as well....and not place that student with someone who is obviously not exemplary of a mentor.

I am not saying that nursing students should be kept in a plastic bubble, but I am saying that by all accounts, we learn more, and retain more, if we are treated well in the process. Nursing schools and instructors need to address this issue in the profession. Managers of units and nursing directors should address this as well....and maybe put some policies into place that makes it clear to any employee what is tolerated, and what is not tolerated. People who bully are capable of taking that kind of unleashed anger out on innocent patients....this alone should raised a few eyebrows...

just my opinion.

[ann945n, RN]

I have to disagree with the advise of speaking up for yourself when you are a student. While it might be the right thing to do this can back fire on you in the most horrible of ways. Ive seen it happen before and it just makes your life as a student a living heck. Its best when in school to be polite smile and just do what the rules allow you to do. Explain nicely to unruly staff why you cant do it but dont comment on their nastiness. You never know if that nurse is friends with your schools program director or other person ect... Just get through school and then when you are employed of course stick up for yourself. It would be foolish to jepordize your graduate over some petty persons emotions and hostile comments. Just my two cents

[GardenDove]

I have to disagree with the advise of speaking up for yourself when you are a student. While it might be the right thing to do this can back fire on you in the most horrible of ways. Ive seen it happen before and it just makes your life as a student a living heck. Its best when in school to be polite smile and just do what the rules allow you to do. Explain nicely to unruly staff why you cant do it but dont comment on their nastiness. You never know if that nurse is friends with your schools program director or other person ect... Just get through school and then when you are employed of course stick up for yourself. It would be foolish to jepordize your graduate over some petty persons emotions and hostile comments. Just my two cents

I think this is wise advise.

[CRNI-ICU20]

I agree that the confrontation should not be coming from the student....that's why I mentioned that it should come from those in leadership roles, already established nurses....ie managers, charge nurses, and nursing instructors....and that nursing schools as well as nursing directorships should address this issue once and for all....it has gone on since hector was a pup....and should stop NOW! it is just one of the issues in nursing that often drives perfectly good qualified individuals elsewhere.....

[llg, PhD, RN]

I too project some image, not sure what, but I've never been bullied. Have I encountered a nurse having a bad day expressing it inappropriately, yes I have. I've dealt with it.

QUOTE]

Perhaps with me, it's related to the fact that I was bullied for years as an adolsent. I developed a thick skin and learned to separate myself for it. That gives me an air of self-confidence and strength that others sense and act accordingly.

As to whether or not a student should respond directly of not ... responding directly does not always mean "confronting." There are appropriate ways to handle it professionally that students need to learn. Everyone needs to project an image that deflects bullying, students included. The behavior you learn (and practice) as a student becomes the behavior you carry into your professional career. It's best to start acting professionally right from the beginning -- and not keep putting it off until you are older and more experienced.

[Batman24]

I would sit down with your instructor and share your experience with this nurse. Your instructor needs to know. She shouldn't be treating you in such a terrible manner nor should she be badmouthing your superior. It is unprofessional and unacceptable.

Your instructor might or might not confront this nurse, but she needs to know for the future. She just might arrange for this woman not to be involved with her students from her on out. That sounds like the best case scenario for all involved.

[PeachPie]

Thanks for the support guys. Among the reasons I didn't speak up

1) I was tired, hungry, stressed, I wanted to go home ASAP, and knew that my actions in this already cranky state might not have been the best. My grandpa always said, "Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk." I was not going to risk bringing myself down to her level.

2) If this witch was going to piss and moan to anyone available, she very well might have gone to the nurse manager and pissed and moaned about my school, which would have caused repercussions.

3) She had already proven herself to be irrational, cranky, and unstable. By dealing with my borderline personality disorder mother and aunt and plenty of patients with dementia, I've learned that there is no correct dealing with irrational people.

4) I felt guilty at first when she pissed and moaned about how much work she had and that I was irresponsible, but like I said, I quickly realized that it was her problem. I was reminded of second grade, and immediately stopped caring.

What really gets my goat is that there was a male student whom she respected and even smiled at! Granted, he had been in the nursery before and had a better idea what he was doing, but he was also 6'2 and built like a referigerator. I'm a little Asian girl. I hate it when people automatically respect men, but not women.

I've dealt with bullies before. I've learned that it really involves setting your boundaries, eg, "Please do not talk to me unless it pertains to work." I've found that I'm actually pretty good at sticking up for myself, but it untimately depends on management (example: I worked for a black supremecist nurse manager. I kid you not. She let her black employees get away with heck, including refusing to help me. When I confronted people, they just laughed because they knew that the manager was on their side and just cared about creating drama. I did take it to her, and she allowed everybody to scream insults and laugh at me. I quit rather than subject myself to the reverse-KKK). Tweety, that's a great project. Please keep me posted.

I plan on telling my instructor about this. Do you think that this witch was also using me for slave labor?

[PANurseRN1]

Why is it that when a new nurse encounters a rude nurse, it's automatically a case of "eating our young"? What can't it be seen for what it is...a rude person.

The "eating our young" phrase is also a convenient cop-out for times when perhaps the new nurse was out of line and responsded to accordingly (I'm not saying that was true in this case). While rudeness is never appropriate, I have seen times when new nurses have created situation that could try the patience of Job.