My experience with a gay male nurse

commonsense · Aug 26, 2011

I'm not gay, but I don't automatically put anyone in a category due to sexual orientation. There was a hot white girl at the facility that I got along with very well, but she's married and I'm married, so it was all business. Same with the gay guy.
The gay guy was very supportive in helping me meet my objectives, and I think he is a very good nurse and a good person. Same with the hottie white girl. Both helped me out quite a bit in my orientation period and I owe them both a debt of gratitude. Hope to see them again some day.
I've moved on to another facility that has an entirely different focus, so any chance of meeting up with either one is pretty much zero, but I would be happy to see either one.
I don't care at all what my coworkers' sexual orientation is, straight or gay.
I will say that if a male cuts off his member and testicles and is covered in nonsensical tattoos from head to foot, he is crying out for help. He is not trying to become a woman. To refer to that person as "she" instead of "patient" is a grave disservice.
When you've cut one or two down from their nooses you'll get the idea.

Any point to this post?

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 28, 2011

Huh??

Trauma Columnist · Aug 28, 2011

I gotta second the "hunh??""

By mentioning the "hot white chick" and the "gay guy" you are already showing that you distinguish them from "others."

caliotter3 · Aug 28, 2011

Also couldn't figure out the point to your post.

Editorial Team / Admin · Aug 28, 2011

OP is a Forensic Psychiatric nurse.

When you've cut one or two down from their nooses you'll get the idea.

I think has had to deal with his/her fair share of suicides.

JDZ344 · Aug 29, 2011

I'm not gay, but I don't automatically put anyone in a category due to sexual orientation. There was a hot white girl at the facility that I got along with very well, but she's married and I'm married, so it was all business. Same with the gay guy.
The gay guy was very supportive in helping me meet my objectives, and I think he is a very good nurse and a good person. Same with the hottie white girl. Both helped me out quite a bit in my orientation period and I owe them both a debt of gratitude. Hope to see them again some day.
I've moved on to another facility that has an entirely different focus, so any chance of meeting up with either one is pretty much zero, but I would be happy to see either one.
I don't care at all what my coworkers' sexual orientation is, straight or gay.
I will say that if a male cuts off his member and testicles and is covered in nonsensical tattoos from head to foot, he is crying out for help. He is not trying to become a woman. To refer to that person as "she" instead of "patient" is a grave disservice.
When you've cut one or two down from their nooses you'll get the idea.

I'm failing to see a point to this post at all. I also find some of the terminology you use to describe your co-workers pretty offensive. "The gay guy"? "The hottie white girl"? Ick.

Rob72, ASN, RN · Aug 29, 2011

Ha! Not the most PC thing seen in awhile. Alrighty, then.

Is your terminology dissociation, allowing personal distance from the individuals in qusetion (I'm detecting a hint of de-personalization), intentionally exaggerated, or is that the inner Beast lolling aound in the dark?

Psych-fiends tend to be a little off-kilter, and our individual awareness of our own perceptual basis/bias is highly indicative of our inherent capacity for predation.

We may have some points of agreement, but the statements are too subjective to clearly interpret.

BeachsideNic · Oct 12, 2011

If you start off your post with "I'm not gay," you are saying a lot about how you feel about it. Pigeonholing people into derogatory categories is likely to affect your ability to be an objective nurse... Not sure what you were trying to accomplish with this post.

sissiesmama, ASN, RN · Oct 12, 2011

Huh??

Me too, Tweety

Anne, RNC

algebra_demystified · Oct 13, 2011

Sounds like I didn't make much sense to you guys. I'll see if I can clarify.

A good nurse is a good nurse. Male, female, straight, gay, young, old, every category and type. I work criminal psych, and that affects my boundaries. Sometimes I say things and people are horrified that I would say such a thing, but it's such a normal part of my day that I just don't see it as being odd. The confused reactions of all of the above don't surprise me in the least. I'm still trying to learn to separate work life from regular life.

Just the other day I was in a conversation with one of my babysitters and I said something that offended her so much she quit and refused to ever see anyone from our family again. I apologize to the allnurses community if what I said was offensive, I will try to learn from your feedback and see how to keep my comments to a less offensive and more useful mode. My personal life has gone askew based on how I talk to people and I would appreciate some feedback on what exactly I said that was so... mindboggling. Give me a quote and comment on it if you would.

I guess the point of my post was that while all of these different groups of people have something to offer and can be of assistance in a crisis, I think there comes a time when people's lifestyles are just so completely out of bounds that they are no longer good nurses.

For example, I worked with a dominatrix for a while. She was a KILLER assistant and could keep dozens of unwashed, violent, schizophrenic, axis II criminals in line with a crack of her metaphorical whip. She didn't take it too far, so it kind of worked for her.

Some of the staff I worked with abused drugs for whatever reason. They related to the drug-seeking patients in a way that others didn't, and were able to develop positive and generally honest connections with those patients that drug-free nurses were too judgmental to connect with.

Another nurse was an elderly, self-righteous ENTJ and had no problem blasting patients and staff alike with her opinions no matter the consequences. This is not good psych nursing, and that kind of behavior should not be tolerated. The nurse I referenced above who covered himself with a very strange collection of tattoos on every visible surface of his body and cut off his genitals was almost praised by staff for having the "courage" to be who "she" was. Well, after showing who "she" was for a year or two, she was found hanging in a closet. There was something very deeply wrong with that nurse, and nobody could break out of the PC prison to say, "Gee, I wonder if this is a cry for help?" It's my opinion that not EVERYTHING is acceptable. It seems pretty clear that what I had to say was not acceptable to several posters on the board, so we must have some common ground.

However, aberrant behavior among nurses has to be kept to a dull roar.

I definitely categorize people. I judge them. In my mind, it's the only way to be safe in criminal psych. A crew that consists entirely of morbidly obese 35+ women who cannot run, much less hold a 185 pound 4% body fat sociopath bent on stabbing another patient in the neck with a shank is a recipe for disaster. Everybody is NOT the same. In that instance, a staff was choked out until there were less than ten seconds left on his clock for all eternity when another patient intervened and saved his peer's life by using means that were not available to staff. I wish I could be more specific about that particular incident, but it would be too easy to google for it in the news and my unit could be identified.

A good mix of different types of people is good, and I like to weed out the outliers. A biker with a mullet and a chain trucker wallet who wears his motorcycle gang colors to work isn't going to receive a warm welcome on my unit, neither is a paint-huffing burnout. Or a black nurse who is very into his or her blackness, so much so that it seems to hurt her fingers to handle a $1 bill because there is a picture of George Washington on it.

I like having a crew that has a fast-moving crusher, a grandmother who can talk a psychopath down, an attractive female who can lure a patient away from a potentially dangerous situation, an older male with a lot of years on the floor who can coach and guide younger staff, at least two races represented (more if my staffing gets up above a ten headcount), and it helps to have a gay staff around as long as they don't have ten inch pink peacock feathers as part of their work dress.

I don't know if that helps clarify my original comments, but it's the best I've got right now.

I guess what I meant to say was that I have had very good experiences with gay male nurses, and that some gay male nurses use their sexual orientation as an excuse to do outrageous things and use their gay status as protection from judgment as to whether they are fit to be on the floor.

Tell me if I'm off base here, what should I learn about in order to make better judgements in these matters?

virgo,student nurse, CNA · Oct 13, 2011

Ummm, I think I understand what you are trying to say,but you contradict yourself in the beginning of your statement. You said you don't care about a persons sexual orientation, but in the next paragraph you said"...peoples lifestyles are so out of bounds they are no longer good nurses". How can you make that decision?

You are free to express yourself how you feel fit, but it appears you have NO FILTER. This may be the reason why you have been having issues in your personal life. Sometimes it is okay to say whatever, other times, no not so much. You have to learn when to bite the bullet and not say any thing at all.

I don't care what a persons sexual preference is, it is none of my business, and what someone does behind closed doors is none of my concern either. I just want a nurse who knows what they are doing, and treats me with dignity, kindness, and respect. How do you even know these private details about these people anyway (dominatrix)? Wishing you lot of luck