My boyfriend gets upset when I have to study. Advice please!!!!

emmasma · Sep 25, 2009

From your origonal post, it does not sound like he is doing anything wrong, he just wants to be with you.

Have you told him that you can not hang out because you need to study? that he can to t be there it does not help?

Guys do not take hints. You need to tell him, you do not have to be mean. Just tell him and do not act or feel guilty. Enforce your boundries and let him decide. He will obviously be a little hurt at first, but he will get over it or move on.

I'm pretty sure he has issues...that i've tried to overlook. He just got out of the army not too long ago. He was honorably discharged after threatening to kill himself. My mother, friends, etc...all get creepy vibes from him. I guess at first his obsession with me was refreshing and made me feel really loved. /QUOTE]
If he is obsessive and possibly abusive, li then that is a different story, get out and do not look back.

morningland · Sep 26, 2009

Not me, gentle gets overrated at a certain point. When I was in her situation I wish I could have had people come and tell me to get out of the situation I was in because subtle and nice was not working. Sometimes you need people to be a jerk to you about it to kind of shake you down and make you think. Sometimes being, for lack of a better word, that guy or that girl can help.

Agreed. I just meant that, in general, people are are pretty cool.

I get what you mean though, fellow murse, that sometime you have to put your foot down. I DON'T think it's being a jerk... cause jerks suck... but it's just not letting people push you around. Once, I had to go to the post office to pick up a package cause they would not deliver it to my house. It was a 30min drive (long story) and when I got their the lady was being a total (fill in the word of choice) and told me they didn't have my package. I basically forcefully, yet rationally told her that that was not an option and I was not leaving until they got my package. I waited in the corner and the security guard approached me and asked if they helped me and I said calmly yet forcefully "no... and I am not leaving until they at least look, even if it means that I am here after they close". The guard was appalled and told me to hold on, she left and came back with my package. It was their the whole time but that other lady thought she could just walk over whoever she wanted because she had a government related job and I wouldn't take it. So it worked out, I wasn't a jerk though. I walked a fine line between being beligerant and understandable upset.

Sorry it's off topic, just wanted to point that out.

morningland · Sep 26, 2009

Yep. Today was a bad day. My mom hired him to do some work on one of her rental houses and she went to check on it. He had left the air conditioner on, the paint job looked crappy..and he used the wrong kind of paint to touch up one wall. Plus he had forgotten the keys in his truck. I was upset about all this since I had specifically asked him to make sure that nothing was left on since no one goes over there and we didnt' want a huge power bill. Anywho, he made excuses for why the job wasn't done correctly and got aggressive about it. :argue: I'm not going to lie, I was being a dog too...but he pulled his car behind mine to make it so I couldn't back out and stood there and argued with me about it in the parking lot. When I told him for like the 5th time that I had to go and we would talk about it later he pulled out. He called me on the phone and we were arguing on the phone while he was driving in front of me. I passed a cop so I hung up on him and just turned the ringer off. He drove towards my house, stopped his car in the road and waved his cell phone out the window signalling for me to answer his phone call. He had to turn to explain his abrupt stop...and I kept going. I then answered his phone call and asked him what he wanted. He told me I was being ridiculous by yelling at him & hanging up on him. I told him that I had passed a cop so that was my reason for hanging up, and I hung up again. He called my phone over and over until we got here. When we got here he got out of the car and talked to my mom about the work and acted normal. (My mom just happened to be outside)
It's Friday night and i'm supposed to hang out tonight with him..since that's what couples do on Friday night. I'm not attracted to him anymore, and I dont' like him around. Last night I was giving my grandfather a shower and I told him he could stick around if he wanted to but kind of emphasized with my voice that I'd rather him leave. He asked, "What are you trying to get me to leave???" And I was like, "No..I was just thinking that you probably feel awkard since i'm giving my grandfather a shower and all." Of course he wasn't in the bathroom but he was sitting in the bedroom waiting for me to get done. Just weird...
You guys are right..he's a creep. I just feel bad because other than these weird instances he really likes me..and tries to treat me well. Like I said in a previous post, he just got out of Iraq not too long ago. He has no other interests, hobbies, or anything that isnt' connected to me or that I introduced him to. His friends are friends that he met through me. (Although he had been out of town in Iraq and all.) Just kind of feel bad cutting all that off for him. Dont' know what he's going to do without me. I wish it hadn't gotten to this point. I should have seen the signs earlier. There is still a part of me that hopes he wakes up tomorrow as a man...but I dont' see it happening. I dont' even want to hang out with him tonight.
I am now, "one of those girls". Ugh.

Gonna make this short,

For starters if you are their taking care of your grandpa in that way and you are a nurse whose in it for the patient care and not the money, then you ARE NOT like other girls. Never met you, but the typical "worldly women" doesn't clean up poo, bath patients and all the other things we do in love, thats a special breed.

Yeah, this guy just sounds like a dead beat and school is just to important right now. It sounds like he likes drama too and you can't have that. I just got out of a short-lived but intense relationship that was nothing but drama. I really liked this girl for two years and then we decided to go on a road trip together and we just hit it off right away. After a couple weeks though she always brought me down, made me feel like I was a bad person. She was basically crazy and I started to learn that she needed drama although she said she hated it. Finally, I had to get away from her, so I took a bus home and I'm so glad because her drama would have been unbairable now.

I agree with the above poster. You have to TELL men what you want, we don't like hints. If all you did was hint but didn't tell him in a really good way, then that was acutally your bad... but, hey, live and learn, right? It is really awesome that you stood by him the way you did but it just really seems like this is not the right thing for you. Yep, just be strong and break it off with him... don't expect him to change, people don't change unless God is involved.

The bottom line is that if doesn't understand you need your space, then he dosen't respect you and their is no shame in cutting that out of your life.

MandaTaye · Sep 26, 2009

Gonna make this short,
For starters if you are their taking care of your grandpa in that way and you are a nurse whose in it for the patient care and not the money, then you ARE NOT like other girls. Never met you, but the typical "worldly women" doesn't clean up poo, bath patients and all the other things we do in love, thats a special breed.

Aww thank you. I quit work almost a year and a half ago to take care of my grandmother when she found out she had pancreatic cancer. She died, and now I take care of my grandfather. Didn't want either one of them to have to go into a nursing home. You do what you have to do!

morningland · Sep 26, 2009

Aww thank you. I quit work almost a year and a half ago to take care of my grandmother when she found out she had pancreatic cancer. She died, and now I take care of my grandfather. Didn't want either one of them to have to go into a nursing home. You do what you have to do!

Good for you! I used to live with a family on the navajo reservation and, in their culture, they do not even have nursing homes. Their tribal government gives the family of a non-independent elder a little extra money every month to help them take care of their parents and grandparents. It's one of the things I like about their culture, they see a certain wisdom in the elderly and they take care of them. Nursing homes are often such sad places, it hard to believe that some peoples children just toss them in their so they don't have to worry about it, guess thats a part of our culture I don't like. I too see a widsom in the old. It's interesting how some people go back into that stage of total vulnerability as when they came into the world and it's just such an honor to care for them. Working in a nursing home is what inspired me to be a nurse and when I graduate, I want to work in pediatrics and geriatrics.

ChrissyLove123 · Sep 26, 2009

You don't sound loopy! You sound like you're focused and determined. You said, "Nursing definetly is my first priority..." So, let him know how important school is to you, and that no matter what, you have made the decision to become a nurse, and THAT is your first priority. Something like, "this is my life, my goal, my future. If you want to be part of it and with me, then you need to support me and my decision by giving me time to study - and even study alone."

I think if he is as determined to be "needy" as you are to become a nurse, you will have kick him to the curb. :) If for some reason that is not an option, lock yourself in the bedroom. Get up and leave. Join study groups. Don't answer your phone or your door.

Stay focused!!! You're doing greeeat! :loveya:

nursesRbeautiful · Sep 26, 2009

tell him to get over him self. my husband worked full-time and did his part while I was in school. Maybe he need something more constructive to do try asking him if he wants to take up some classes next semester.

nursenow · Sep 26, 2009

I am now, "one of those girls". Ugh.

Sometimes it is not easy but you need to suck it up and dump him.

MammaNurse2Be · Sep 26, 2009

Gosh, dump him and move on. He will be the type of dad that sits on the couch while you bust your rear to pay the bills and take of the kids. You'll make dinner and have to clean it all the while he is complaining you are never there for him. Then he'll be the cheater that says, "you work was more important than me which is why I did it" He needs to grow up and you need to move on.

MandaTaye · Sep 27, 2009

You don't sound loopy! You sound like you're focused and determined. You said, "Nursing definetly is my first priority..." So, let him know how important school is to you, and that no matter what, you have made the decision to become a nurse, and THAT is your first priority. Something like, "this is my life, my goal, my future. If you want to be part of it and with me, then you need to support me and my decision by giving me time to study - and even study alone."
I think if he is as determined to be "needy" as you are to become a nurse, you will have kick him to the curb. :) If for some reason that is not an option, lock yourself in the bedroom. Get up and leave. Join study groups. Don't answer your phone or your door.
Stay focused!!! You're doing greeeat! :loveya:

Thank you sooo much for this post. You are absolutely right.

morningland · Sep 28, 2009

What happened? Did you break up with him?

redalert7777 · Sep 28, 2009

I don't usually post often either, but felt compelled to! My husband sounds very similar in terms of the behaviors. Don't know if you've taken psych in NS yet, but this sounds very much like Borderline Personality Disorder, would anyone agree? TRUST me, if things are like this now, they can only go downhill from there. Taking this BS from people just makes you lose yourself, and your boundaries in the process. My DH was very clingy (still is), and demanding of my time, very hurt even if I have to study, very exhausting to say the least. It is a constant yo-yo with borderlines, they love you, then you are the worst person...that sounds very controlling/intimidating with the car...seriously, do yourself the favor, get out now while you can, you will save yourself a world of hurt, and regrets. Good luck, you owe this to yourself first and foremost!