My bad attitude

[jessiern]

This might get a little long, and windy. I am sorry. I'm going to start off by explaining last Sunday that I worked, as I feel this is the main problem. It was the 4 or 5 really bad shift for me. We started with 8 patients/nurse (very very extreme for our floor). And ER started calling for admits. The oncall MD was rounding, and I made the offhand comment to him that it was too much to deal with, and I didn't feel it was safe for the patients. This put him in an uproar. Next thing I knew he called the ER doc, informed him he would not except any more admits to our floor, and he also called the admin on call, who he demanded come help us. She had worked the previous night due to call-ins.

Now, the friday before was my yearly eval. I was graded as a "role-model" employee, and my manager offered no compliants at all about my performance. I was also given a 5% raise due to my high quality work. I was also told my co-workers enjoyed working with me, and patients had good things to say about my care.

Now, let's fast forward to Tuesday, my first day at work since "black Sunday" as we are calling it. It is a much better day. Four patients that I can pet and pamper all I want. And I'm happy. At 4pm I was called to the DON's office. There sits the DON, and both assistant managers, including the one that just praised me Friday. These are the things I was told

• "A large majority" of my co-workers on my floor complain about my poor attitude, and state I always complian
  
• "All of the ICU nurse" hate to have to call me about a patient, because I never take care of the situation, and I am rude.
  
• I had received numerous complaints from patients. When I pushed further, they were only able to name one patient's WIFE, who was only in room with the patient for twenty minutes after his admit. She informed me when I first entered the room that we were terrible nurses, and she would be talking to the DON--all before I ever opened my mouth. I immediatly informed management.
  
• I was told the MD from weekend had informed them I was rude, and constantly complianed about the worked load. Well, maybe I was a little ill, and maybe I did complian. So did the other two nurses and everyone else on shift. Who wouldn't complain with 8 patients, 4 total cares, and not a tech in sight to assist?
  
• Also, was informed I had no right to complain about "bad shifts" that were shortstaffed because its wasn't the norm. Those days were to be expected.
  
• Made the comment that "some people will complain if you give them two patients. We think you might be one of those people, and it will not be tolerated".
  
• Also stated "all the unit sec" said I was "snappy" when they called to report patient needs". We only have two sec, and one is my mom. The other says she has never complianed about anyone, much less me.

Now, since then I have spoken to many of my co-workers, including 5 ICU nurses. They have all been shocked by what was said, and stated they have never had a problem with me, and never heard anyone else complain about me. The MD stated he informed them I was "nervous and frazzled" which "wasn't my usual", and he was concerned about the staffing level, and he expressed that he was not happy with them leaving us like that.

Also, I have complained very rarely to management. The only other time I have complianed about staffing was a couple of weeks ago when we had 7 patients with no tech, and the supervisor had not attempted to find any help. Our manager helped us, and I thanked her--we even give them a thank you card for their help.

This just really upsets me. I have always been more then willing to help when I could. I have worked my tail off to be the best I could be, even when shorthanded. And I get along with everyone; I have talked to some about leaving, and they have begged me to stay. I just don't understand why this happened. I felt attacked, and I felt like my character was picked apart. It was very degrading. I have worked there 4 years without a single problem. I'm just a little lost right now.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

In any close relationship, action taken by one without the knowledge of the other, no matter how wonderful the intention, is one sided and could be destructive. When an issue affects one, it should affect the other, with agreement about the direction the response takes.

Wow, I bought my husband cookies the other night, WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. How one-sided and destructive of me! Our relationship is over!!

I don't think her husband threatened feminism or their marriage. They seem to have a strong relationship (from what a few posts tell me), and if she had an issue with it, that's for her to decide. Not to be decided for her. Just like women don't need a man to come save them, they don't need you to come save them either!

[RN1982]

Alright, calm down

Also, I do not agree with Lamaze's comments about how one-sided MassED's marriage is. I think the fact that he was standing up for her by writing such an article proves how much he loves her and does not want to see her hurt. Maybe he felt he could make a difference in his wife's workplace if more people were aware of her situation?

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I sure liked the way Lamaze acknowledged the need to lighten up some - I thought that was pretty classy!

[lamazeteacher]

Wow, I bought my husband cookies the other night, WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. How one-sided and destructive of me! Our relationship is over!!

I don't think her husband threatened feminism or their marriage. They seem to have a strong relationship (from what a few posts tell me), and if she had an issue with it, that's for her to decide. Not to be decided for her. Just like women don't need a man to come save them, they don't need you to come save them either!

Your post is a very angry jibe at someone who isn't interested in "saving" people's relationships or making decisions for them. They need to handle their own problems, when they have them.

Buying cookies for him without your husband's knowledge would have been destructive if he was trying to lose weight, or was allergic to one or more of the ingredients. I've known people who did that! The wife really didn't believe that her husband was allergic to peanuts, and wanted to prove her point!!

My comments were directed to those who actually take over their spouse's problems, in the mistaken and aggravating view that she couldn't deal. It's that sort of thinking that inspired the "consciousness raising" groups of the '60s and '70s. I attended one, and all of us divorced our spouses within a year! So your (possible) fears are well founded, if you feel the feminist movement endangers marriages.

If, however, you were in a marriage that squelched your autonomy over your life, then your life as mine did, I was made more happy, and had more growth as an individual without that spouse. Believe me I often think about how much easier my married life was, with someone who paid the bills, made tons of money (which he wouldn't share - it was his), and we had magnificent homes.

However, I had to carefully choose my battles with him, cater to his moods, drug and alcohol use, and ignore his womanizing, so I think of that, instead and glory in my freedom. I divorced him 22 years ago, have financial support for life, and would never marry again.

While this thread is about the unfounded accusation by Nurse Managers against a staff Nurse, it led to us looking within and thinking about how we resolve issues, which is a good thing. Most of us have seen similar situations, and if our victimization by the perpetrators of such abuse deserves a deep look at our reactions to it. That has to do with our views of ourselves in our society, and if we repeatedly have been victimized in different ways, it's important to look at getting away from that pattern.

That's how I see that my responses to this thread are appropriate. :heartbeat

[RN1982]

Give it a rest already!!!

[MassED, BSN, RN]

In any close relationship, action taken by one without the knowledge of the other, no matter how wonderful the intention, is one sided and could be destructive. When an issue affects one, it should affect the other, with agreement about the direction the response takes.

When one has a strength the other agrees they haven't, and permission is granted for the person with talent to act for the other, it's appropriate.

As far as feminism is concerned, you had to be there in the '60s to realize just how needed it was (not the anger, the direction). Or have read about the occurrences then that drove women to seek equality on all fronts, just as happenings at the turn of the 20th century influenced "women's sufferage" (what a word!) to get the right to vote .

That aside, you're right, I've always needed to lighten up.......:stone/:clown:

I do think my husband was operating from a good place, despite that I would have RATHERED him talk to me first before he took this action; he's impulsive, what can I say? I couldn't tell him what to do, likewise he could and would not ever try to insinuate or tell me what to do. How's this, I just was talking to my husband about this and he ADDED IN that he actually had called my M A N A G E R at the time.... OMG. I didn't know.... holy Crikey! Then there was mandatory cultural sensitivity training..... THAT I regret... and had I known at the time why there was this mandatory sensitivity training and that he caused some of that change..... oh man..... (There are many things about this nursing culture that if you are not directly involved in, one will NEVER UNDERSTAND. Now I censor what I tell him!!!)

I am glad there were others before me to pave a way so that I can be independent, like my mom taught me to be. My mom, whose an "old ER nurse," remembers the time you had to stand when a doctor came into a room, wear a skirt, a hat, and NEVER use a doctor's first name. The time has changed, and no matter how die hard there are those who try to suppress women, it won't happen here (with me). I can only speak for myself and my responses to the interactions within my environment.

[MassED, BSN, RN]

Alright, calm down

Also, I do not agree with Lamaze's comments about how one-sided MassED's marriage is. I think the fact that he was standing up for her by writing such an article proves how much he loves her and does not want to see her hurt. Maybe he felt he could make a difference in his wife's workplace if more people were aware of her situation?

Exactly. It's an honorable gesture.

[MassED, BSN, RN]

Your post is a very angry jibe at someone who isn't interested in "saving" people's relationships or making decisions for them. They need to handle their own problems, when they have them.

Buying cookies for him without your husband's knowledge would have been destructive if he was trying to lose weight, or was allergic to one or more of the ingredients. I've known people who did that! The wife really didn't believe that her husband was allergic to peanuts, and wanted to prove her point!!

My comments were directed to those who actually take over their spouse's problems, in the mistaken and aggravating view that she couldn't deal. It's that sort of thinking that inspired the "consciousness raising" groups of the '60s and '70s. I attended one, and all of us divorced our spouses within a year! So your (possible) fears are well founded, if you feel the feminist movement endangers marriages.

If, however, you were in a marriage that squelched your autonomy over your life, then your life as mine did, I was made more happy, and had more growth as an individual without that spouse. Believe me I often think about how much easier my married life was, with someone who paid the bills, made tons of money (which he wouldn't share - it was his), and we had magnificent homes.

However, I had to carefully choose my battles with him, cater to his moods, drug and alcohol use, and ignore his womanizing, so I think of that, instead and glory in my freedom. I divorced him 22 years ago, have financial support for life, and would never marry again.

While this thread is about the unfounded accusation by Nurse Managers against a staff Nurse, it led to us looking within and thinking about how we resolve issues, which is a good thing. Most of us have seen similar situations, and if our victimization by the perpetrators of such abuse deserves a deep look at our reactions to it. That has to do with our views of ourselves in our society, and if we repeatedly have been victimized in different ways, it's important to look at getting away from that pattern.

That's how I see that my responses to this thread are appropriate. :heartbeat

That is a lot more insight into understanding you. I think it is great that you were able to move out of that situation with your marriage and move on, though I feel as though your angle might carry a bit of anger towards this post for a husband or wife who does something for the other. It seems like it's a sore spot for you after all these years. But you have some of his $$$....

I think once you've been victimized, there will always be the desire to help others from getting to that place or getting out of i:jester:t, so I do understand where your heart is, I believe.

[suespets]

I think it's interesting that your moniker is lamaze teacher. That ,I think, is about coaching couples together, about bringing a child into the world, the epitome of equality,by some accounts.

[TraumaNurseRN]

Let's give her break okay......sheesh

[nickola]

Your post is a very angry jibe at someone who isn't interested in "saving" people's relationships or making decisions for them. They need to handle their own problems, when they have them.

Buying cookies for him without your husband's knowledge would have been destructive if he was trying to lose weight, or was allergic to one or more of the ingredients. I've known people who did that! The wife really didn't believe that her husband was allergic to peanuts, and wanted to prove her point!!

My comments were directed to those who actually take over their spouse's problems, in the mistaken and aggravating view that she couldn't deal. It's that sort of thinking that inspired the "consciousness raising" groups of the '60s and '70s. I attended one, and all of us divorced our spouses within a year! So your (possible) fears are well founded, if you feel the feminist movement endangers marriages.

If, however, you were in a marriage that squelched your autonomy over your life, then your life as mine did, I was made more happy, and had more growth as an individual without that spouse. Believe me I often think about how much easier my married life was, with someone who paid the bills, made tons of money (which he wouldn't share - it was his), and we had magnificent homes.

However, I had to carefully choose my battles with him, cater to his moods, drug and alcohol use, and ignore his womanizing, so I think of that, instead and glory in my freedom. I divorced him 22 years ago, have financial support for life, and would never marry again.

While this thread is about the unfounded accusation by Nurse Managers against a staff Nurse, it led to us looking within and thinking about how we resolve issues, which is a good thing. Most of us have seen similar situations, and if our victimization by the perpetrators of such abuse deserves a deep look at our reactions to it. That has to do with our views of ourselves in our society, and if we repeatedly have been victimized in different ways, it's important to look at getting away from that pattern.

That's how I see that my responses to this thread are appropriate. :heartbeat

To each his own. I think the poster was referring to something that happened years ago & her husband has probably learned from the experience! However, if my husband ever took my venting about work seriously enough to interfere, no matter how well meaning his intentions, I would be VERY upset! Fortunately, he knows me well enough to know this & is not the type to do that anyway- which is one reason I married him- he has allowed me to be independent & fight my own battles, which is how I prefer it- unless of course I ASK for his help!

[MassED, BSN, RN]

To each his own. I think the poster was referring to something that happened years ago & her husband has probably learned from the experience! However, if my husband ever took my venting about work seriously enough to interfere, no matter how well meaning his intentions, I would be VERY upset! Fortunately, he knows me well enough to know this & is not the type to do that anyway- which is one reason I married him- he has allowed me to be independent & fight my own battles, which is how I prefer it- unless of course I ASK for his help!

I'm done with this topic already See earle58's post on Jun 19, 2008, 10:51 AM

she gets it - that's my final word, thanks!