I've been a full time stay at home mom for the past seven years. I started nursing school last fall and am finishing up my first full year of school. The demands of nursing school are great and I am struggling with feeling guilty over not spending time with my kids. I'm not used to being away from my kids so much and I can tell it's impacting their behavior (manners, morals, etc.).
Staying home with my kids was always very important to me. I am pursuing nursing because it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. I have a desire to help others, obtain a degree for myself, and have the ability to supplement my husband's income (on a PT basis) as the economy continues to struggle.
Now I find myself wondering if I should continue or not. I still have 1.5 years to go. On one hand, I know that time will go by fast, but on the other hand, I truly am seeing some changes in my children just from the past year as a result of me not being there to train them up in their morals, etc.
Are there any others in a similar situation with similar feelings?
I, too, had thought I would do nursing school once both of my children were in elementary school. Plans were changed for us as well due to teh economy. My husband has a white collar job, but the economy hit us. No one is immune to this economy right now. So, that definitely played a part in it for us as well.
I'm amazed at how many other moms are out there who are in such a very similar situation as me!
Momma25 - Last fall, when I first started nursing school, I'd give my boys each a hug before leaving the house. There were a few days when my 6 year old came running out of the house crying because he didn't want me to leave for school. That broke my heart. My son also is disappointed I can't attend field trips at his school and points out how so many other moms attend. It makes me feel like a horrible mother to not be as involved in their little lives as I'd like to be.
One thing is for sure. I'll be pointing out to my children to be sure to do "life" in the right order. I chose to have children before doing college. I would never take back my children, but doing college with kids is no piece of cake! :)
A lot of what you said really rang true for me. I tend to be hard on my husband because he doesn't do things the same as me. He's not afraid to help with the kids and I couldn't do this without him. I liked your point about how the kids just had *different* bad habits when you were the primary parent vs. your husband. I'd never thought of it like that before!
And no, neither of my children are having any serious behavioral issues. They are both doing great at school and behave fine at home. It's just all those little things (like finding all those little teaching moments) throughout the day that get lost when my husband is doing the parenting and not me. Sounds like I need to trust my husband and God that things will work out all right in the end.
To be fair though, as I'm assuming your husband brings different experiences, skills and talents to the table than you do......you don't know that he doesn't take different teachable moments that you did.
The other thing to consider is what an amazing example you're being for your kids. You're physically demonstrating just how important you think education is....right in front of their eyes! Who better to talk to kids about the importance of homework and getting it in on time, than a Mom who is also a student?
Your kids (more the older one, but the younger one will know more later about this) will see the benefits of setting a goal, and then working hard towards that goal....and finally you'll share the joy of achieving it with them! Talk about a bunch of teachable moments!
I can totally relate. I have been a sahm since my kids were born. During this time I earned my BS in Psych (nights and weekends) - thinking I was going to pursue a pHd and become a clinical psych. The more I learned about what this grad program entailed, the more I realized how much THAT would take away from my family. Those folks spend nearly a decade (work and fellowships and paying dues combined) working immense hours a week away from home. I decided that I could employ my passion for giving care to others with something far more flexible, and less time away from home - nursing. And I can still go on to teach and research in the future, when I am ready and my kids are grown.
So you keep at it, b/c you are almost there! Then you can reap the benefits of your hard work. You can try and work 3 12s or p/t or PRN. In the mean time, I would suggest you just do the best you can with time managment. You do have littles, but do as much studying as you can when they are otherwise occupied. And spend 30 minutes of quality time with each kiddo doing something fun/relaxing each day or as often as you can.
You sound like a great mom who really cares about your kids - that is why they are going to be just fine! :hug:
I am not a mother, so I can't really relate. However, I was 7 years old when my mom went back to school for her college degree. Looking back, I now admire her because of all the stress and hard work she had to put up with to get through school as a mother of three young children ...(while working too.) I like to think that my siblings and I grew up knowing how to work for what we wanted. My siblings and I will all be college graduates in the health/law enforcement field within the next 1.5 years. I like to think we are doing ok! : )
Another thing I wanted to mention, and I'm not sure if its been mentioned, but what if something were to happen to your husband? Knowing that you have a career to fall back onto should definitely reassure you that you are doing the best for your family!
Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.
In three weeks I'll be half way through my ADN Program and throughout this year I have had similar moments to many of you. I work full time and my kids are 8,6 and 3 1/2. I am fortunate that my work schedule can be somewhat flexible to accommodate full time work plus nursing school, but it means second shift clinicals and out of the house at 4am for work. There are weeks where I put the kids to bed one night and then don't see them for two days, before seeing them after work the third day. I hate it. My second grader cries a lot and has had increased difficulties with sleep issues (he's always had them but they're much worse lately), and the younger ones will make random comments about missing me. There have been quite a few car rides where I have been in tears and wondering if it's worth it. However, back in February my son had to write a Valentine to anyone. He chose me and he wrote about how much he loves me. I was never so happy to read something in my life, knowing that while there are instances of hurt because of my schedule, he knows that I love him and I'm doing what's best for our family. I try to make the kids part of studying whenever possible, and I really make an effort to make the time I'm not studying quality time. I've given up TV time, and unfortunately I've given up working out. But, when I'm home I try to make sure I'm playing with them or reading to them, or doing something more than vegging on the couch (even when that's what I would prefer to do). Is it perfect? Nope. But it's also not forever. I'm so glad to read windmill82s reply and I think it's true, our kids will not remember this at the definition of their childhoods. School is a few years over the course of their entire childhood. I'll always have regrets about things I have missed, but I would have bigger regrets if I couldn't provide for my family. Best wishes to all of you, we're showing our kids when things need to be done, mom can do it!
I am going to be starting my program in the Fall. I chose to go with my CC instead of the University even though I have all the prereqs done for the university because the CC is less credits a semester and I am hoping that by doing it that way I will not be "unavailable" to the children as much as I would be doing 2X the credits. I have 4 kids, a 5 year old boy, a soon to be 7 girl , soon to be 1 girl and soon to be 3 boy (all in the next 2 months lol).
I feel very blessed however because my husbands parents are going to be moving down from new england to live in a Camper in our backyard. They will be helping watch the kids while I am in school. I also homeschool my older 2 children and plan to continue doing it. I will go year round with it and only take off for days that will be long days of clinicals or when they are sick and of course weekends or major holidays. We have been and will continue to make their schooling just as important but more so than my own schooling. I am nervous about it all but I was also nervous when I was going to do prereqs too. It has worked out and I hope that in some way my children will see what I am doing and learn from it with themselves. My husband works full time and has been doing his pre reqs the last couple of years part time. The plan is he will start his clinicals about 8 months before I graduate from mine.
I understand your fears and frusterations.. I know it may not help but really there is no perfect situation in life and your children know that you love them and it may end up being a good thing in the end because it really could teach them lessons. Maybe your oldest will start learning to be more responsible with his own homework these next couple of years. It will all be ok, it really will! :)
I think part of what has helped me the last month to not feel as badly about everything is that a few weeks ago I started having difficulty breathing and it got so bad I thought I was going to pass out and die before I could make it to the hospital. I have just recently been getting better from this but during the worst of the time with all of my breathing difficulties (lasted 2 weeks struggling to breath every moment. It was awful!) I kept thinking about how my kids are so young and I hope I wouldnt die and leave them without a mother. Since I am now recovering and almost better completely. I feel like I regret that I will not be around for the children as much but how thankful I am that I am around for the time I am and that my children will learn lessons through everything and in the end they will be better people for it. They have so much more than many children do in this world and have so much to be thankful for. No their lives are not "perfect" but no one's is. Going through lifes difficulties builds character... Yeah, now I sound like MY mom. LOL
Everything will work out for you and your children. They will be OK. :redpinkhe
My 2 cents--it is GOOD for your kids to see you doing this. You are setting a wonderful example for them everyday by furthering your education.
It also can teach them that they need to be responsible, even at first grade age, homework is not your job to do and turn in. A little nudging, yes, but kids can do this! Mom of 4 :)
I absolutely agree with this, and was going to post the same thing! My kids have become more independent since I've been in school and I think it's a great thing. I still have guilt but I try to look at the bigger picture.
Let me first say that I feel how difficult a position you find yourself in. I will be in the same boat in a year and am worried about it myself. I wanted to pass along a few thoughts about what children need from adults, though. A previous replier commented that we overestimate our need to "be there" for our children, and I couldn't disagree more--children need us, and they need MANY adults to be there for them in their young lives. In the most emotionally healthy communities, children have quite a few adult family members surrounding them. We don't have this in our culture, because we live in isolated nuclear families with at most 2 parents in a household, and those parents are stressed by the need to work long hours/go to school. This is not your fault--you have to get yourself through school, because you must have a way to support yourself and your kids--but something to think about is: are there other family members or adult friends who can help be there for your kids over this next tough couple of years? My husband and I are currently living with his parents while we get through school, and much as I cried when I realized we would have to do this, my daughter is thriving with all the attention and love she gets and we're calmer people for it. If there's any way to adjust your living situation or social network to get more positive adult guidance into your kids' lives right now, do it. Best of luck to you. You will get through this. And your kids will survive, regardless.
Good luck to you. Being a mother is hard. Being a student in nursing school is hard as well. Combining the two is very challenging. It can be done. No matter what age your children are. If this is truly what you want, (at this point in your life) you will find a way to make it work.
I originally started in nursing school when my girls were 2 and 5 years old. I had been a full time stay at home mom all that time. I realized three months into nursing school, that it had to wait. I finished the semester with an A, and dropped out. I returned when my children were 5, 10 and 13. They were all in school full time. I took one course at a time until I had all of my 'electives' done and started my core nursing courses 2 years later. I never regret the choice I made to delay nursing school.
There are always going to be things you will miss by being in nursing school, or studying for NCLEX, or working (once you get a job afterwards). There will be holidays you have to work. You will be the low man on the totem pole. You need to understand that. If you make the most of the time you have with your children when you do have time together, then you'll be alright. You may have a different definition of 'alright' now versus when you were a stay at home mom...but this is your life now.
Does your family have a big calendar? It's time your children started taking some responsibility for their projects. Color code for each child. You've already gone through elementary, now it's their turn. With teamwork, and working together, things will go smoothly. It may take a while to get into a new groove, but you can do it. So can your children. Good luck!
I graduated nursing school almost 1 year ago. I am the proud mom of 2 (ages now 12 and 9) and I was in a full time BSN program that was 1 year long. I took my pre reqs 1 at a time and that took about a year and a half. I missed out on quite a few games and events during school and many times I had to put my kids needs/wants on the back burner to study or to go to a class/clinical. When I graduated, no one was prouder of my success than my kids were. One of my son's teachers even called not only to congratulate me, but also to tell my how proud of me he was.
Your children will see how important learning is, regardless of age. I also found that I felt less "out of the loop" by making a calendar and hanging it in a public place with all of the due dates and activities of the family. This helped my husband pick up where I left off and kept us organized. I also bought the Anatomy and Physiology Coloring book. I made blank copies of pages and while I was studying, my kids colored and "studied" with me.
Don't give up on this goal if it is something that you truly want. Your kids will forgive the stuff you miss (if they remember it at all) and will remember how hard you worked to better yourself and the example that you set for them.
I kind of feel like even though you are feeling guilty, you are setting a really good example for your children by demonstrating hard work and dedication and perseverance. Leading by example will teach them so much and those are invaluable traits to learn :)
Many people would kill to be in your shoes, programs are getting harder to get into by the day! It's your decision, but I would suggest sticking it out and showing those kids how their mommy can be tough and rock it all the way through!! :)
One thing that might help kids feel better about mom being "too busy" for them and their field trips: schedule a very special "mommy and me" time once a week (or rotating each child.) Can you take 1 child to an early morning breakfast at Denny's or something like that? Remind your child during the week, as the household is rushing about and he/she is feeling sad, that you're looking forward to your one-on-one time on Saturday morning when you can devote your full attention to your child. :) Mommy needs this just as much as her children. ;-)
emptyboxcars
191 Posts
I, too, had thought I would do nursing school once both of my children were in elementary school. Plans were changed for us as well due to teh economy. My husband has a white collar job, but the economy hit us. No one is immune to this economy right now. So, that definitely played a part in it for us as well.
I'm amazed at how many other moms are out there who are in such a very similar situation as me!
Momma25 - Last fall, when I first started nursing school, I'd give my boys each a hug before leaving the house. There were a few days when my 6 year old came running out of the house crying because he didn't want me to leave for school. That broke my heart. My son also is disappointed I can't attend field trips at his school and points out how so many other moms attend. It makes me feel like a horrible mother to not be as involved in their little lives as I'd like to be.
One thing is for sure. I'll be pointing out to my children to be sure to do "life" in the right order. I chose to have children before doing college. I would never take back my children, but doing college with kids is no piece of cake! :)