Mixed Emotions About Nsg School

MelissaLPN, ASN, LPN, RN · Apr 21, 2011

I totally understand. I have been in school for most of my daughters life while working two jobs. I am not going back to school for my RN and I am already feeling terrible about the impact I know it will have on my daughter. The only advice I can give you is that you have already had a huge impact on your child. I think its a very new concept that parents need to " be there" for their kids. Plenty of moral people grew up with busy parents. The fact that you have these values will impact your children. Take heart that it is almost over and your children will have learned the lesson of " hard work" by your example.

For my own situation I hold on to the fact I can be there for my daughter once I am done. The alternative is that I continue to work two jobs and scrape along the bottom of the pond for the rest of her life. Its important to put it in perspective.

2011NursingStudent · Apr 21, 2011

How old are your kids? I am home with my kids now the majority of the time, but when my son hit second grade, I saw him starting to change a little and act older and try to be "cool" =) ...even if you stay home, they're still going to start to change around that age and it probably has nothing to do with you attending school. You can still spend a lot of time with them, encourage them, keep them on the right track, do sports or activities, help w/homework etc and still finish your degree. Otherwise, you might find in a few years that you wish you had finished.

emptyboxcars · Apr 21, 2011

They are 6 and 2 soon to be 7 and 3. My older child is finishing 1st grade. I have found that I rush through his homework with him (and have forgotten due dates on some things). When I was a full time mom (and not in school) I never forgot to turn my son's homework in on time. However, I've noticed I let some of my son's homework slip now that I am so overwhelmed with my own school deadlines.

My husband tries to help out with things, but he's never been good at remembering all the details when it comes to the kids. I have to remind him, so the remembering is still largely on my shoulders.

Also, my 6 year old has been in a sport this semester and due to my classes/clinical schedule I have missed all of his practices and nearly every game.

So, for those reasons I feel like a bad mother. I'm not as involved in their lives as I would prefer. My boys know I love them, but it pains me to have to say "Not now, I need to study" as often as I do.

mommajoz · Apr 21, 2011

The alternative is that I continue to work two jobs and scrape along the bottom of the pond for the rest of her life. Its important to put it in perspective.

That is EXACTLY what I have to remind myself when that "momma guilt" creeps up. :up: I know it will be worth it in the end.

OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN · Apr 21, 2011

Awww I do understand I started my pre-nursing before having kids and then was a stay at home mom until now. My sons are 2 and 5 soon to be 3 and 6 this year :) It is very difficult my program is probably not as rigorious as your sounds because I am in a BSN program that takes into account that you will take 1 or 2 gen ed's each semester so since I completed these the program is part-time for me but still tough. I am not gone as much but I still am constantly exhausted and stressed out so I don't do as much with them as I used to and lost much of patience with them and then I just feel guilty, lazy ect.....My older son always asks why do you have to study so much momma, I don't want you to be a nurse I just want you to me my mommy .. I just try to tell myself that it really is such a short time in teh long run and if it helps our families become more financially stable think about the positive impact that will have. Also you said you ony plan on working part-time once your done and I plan the same which I think makes us lucky too :) Keep your head up and try to make the most of breaks and what not..

Also my mom went back to school when I was in 5th grade, I was the youngest, and although she felt the way you do I barely even remember it if that helps :)

emptyboxcars · Apr 21, 2011

Also my mom went back to school when I was in 5th grade, I was the youngest, and although she felt the way you do I barely even remember it if that helps :)

This definitely helps! It's really my eldest child that I worry about. I know my younger one won't really remember and is pretty oblivious to the whole thing. I personally believe that children need their parents around *more* as they age, not less. I definitely see and feel that with my older child. He misses spending time with me. He is quite aware that I'm not there for his soccer, etc.

But it really helps to hear your mother's experience and your experience growing up while she was in school. Thank you for sharing that.

I agree we are blessed to have the option to work part time once we graduate. This is most definitely my plan. The economy isn't going to get better anytime soon. I would like to have an education in something that will help bring in a good amt of income while only working part time at it, so I can be there for my children. That is very important to me. That is not the only reason I'm attending nursing school by any means, but it is definitely part of it.

Thanks again for sharing your experience with me.

excitedtobehere · Apr 21, 2011

Wow! I could have written your post, except I have 3 kids (7, 4, and 2) and I won't start nursing school until the fall (so they'll be 8, 5 and 3). I have the exact same concerns about not being around as much. I will say that you're attributing their attitude changes to you not being there, and the reality is that they are growing up and at the age where they're surrounded by peers and trying to figure out who they want to be. Don't beat yourself up! The attitude changes are totally normal!

Try to take comfort in the fact that so many others aren't able to stay home with their children. You've been fortunate enough to stay at home with them for 7 years, and had the opportunity to instill your values and beliefs. You've been a great mom, and know that you've given them a solid foundation to build upon. Don't give up on your dream of becoming a nurse because you feel guilty! Maybe you can minimize the guilt by taking some of your courses online, or having "family night" once or twice a week where you give them extra attention. I know it's hard because you've always been there, but it's only temporary. At the end of it all, you'll have a great job and be able to make life that much more comfortable for them. Good luck to you! I wish you guys the best!

BacktotheBeach, ADN, BSN, RN · Apr 21, 2011

My 2 cents--it is GOOD for your kids to see you doing this. You are setting a wonderful example for them everyday by furthering your education.

It also can teach them that they need to be responsible, even at first grade age, homework is not your job to do and turn in. A little nudging, yes, but kids can do this! Mom of 4 :)

Neldavi · Apr 22, 2011

I'm in this boat. My kids are 7, 4 and 14 months and I'm in the first semester of a 2 year ADN program. I have barely worked since my oldest was born .. I've just been home and taking a prerequisite here and there until now, so this is a huge change. I started having mixed feelings about being away from my kids a month ago, right when school got really hard and I was having mixed feelings about nursing in general. My kids are really fine, my husband has actually been doing a great job, but when school gets hard I start picking out the little things he does that I would do differently and start thinking that everybody would be better off if I was home.

The reality is, though, that when I was home all of the time I was sort of losing my mind, and my kids just had different bad habits than the ones they have now . I was honestly about to drop out with the intention of starting again in a couple of years, but how different is that going to be, really? Like you said, kids often need us even more as they get older, so a 9, 6, and 3 year old are going to be just as needy .. I might as well just get school over with now.

The bottom line with me is that we're not making it financially and I sort of have to do this .. for the student loans now, and for the ability to be employed in 2 years. (I know someone is going to jump in and say that there are no jobs for new grads, but I live in a rural area where there are still jobs, and the last graduating class - Dec 2010 - all had jobs within a month of graduation) In an ideal world I would have at least waited for my youngest to get through the toddler years, but I'm not convinced it would make a huge difference anyway.

I say stick with it. Like others have said, kids change all of the time anyway, so unless your oldest is having serious behavior problems, I would assume he'll be just fine. Good luck!

momma25 · Apr 22, 2011

This past semester has been my first semester back since becoming a mom 6 years ago. I have 5 kids ages 6, 4, 3, and 1 year old twins. It kills me to not be with them as much as I was before. I never planned on working until all of our kids were in school and then I was going to pursue nursing. Well with the economy the way it is we need me to start making a paycheck sooner so our plans have been accelerated some. My 4 year old daughter crushed my heart the other day. This is her first year in preschool and she was very upset that I could not attend either of her field trips. On the way to school the morning of her second trip she asked me if I loved her. I said of course why would she think I didn't. Her response was that all the other mommies go with their kids to the field trips and I didn't. She started crying and thought I didn't want to be with her. It was horrible to me!!! I of course explained to her that I loved her very much and that right now mommy is in school so I can become a nurse. This semester was just my pre reqs. and I am only in school M/W/F while the kid are in school too. I start nursing school in July and I will miss dinners on clinical days and probably bedtimes too for the younger kids. Even though it kills me I know I have to do it. In the end it will be better for everyone in my family. My daughter (same one that was upset) goes around telling everyone that when she gets bigger she is going to go to school and be a nurse like mommy. She even goes through scrubs catalogs and has it all planned out. So I am setting a positive example for my kids in so many ways. They will learn education is important and that sometimes things in life are not easy but you must still pursue them to get the end goal. I remind myself of that when I am feeling like worst mom of the year. And yes my house is a little messier now but I make sure that when I am home I am home and I spend time with my kids. I make the most of it. Oh and my son & daughter have had a few late assignments this year as well, especially around the times I have exams in A & P, lol.

emptyboxcars · Apr 22, 2011

Neldavi,

A lot of what you said really rang true for me. I tend to be hard on my husband because he doesn't do things the same as me. He's not afraid to help with the kids and I couldn't do this without him. I liked your point about how the kids just had *different* bad habits when you were the primary parent vs. your husband. I'd never thought of it like that before!

And no, neither of my children are having any serious behavioral issues. They are both doing great at school and behave fine at home. It's just all those little things (like finding all those little teaching moments) throughout the day that get lost when my husband is doing the parenting and not me. Sounds like I need to trust my husband and God that things will work out all right in the end.