Mid-Life Blues

Updated | Posted
by middle-aged newbie middle-aged newbie, RN (New) New Nurse

Has 1 years experience.

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kp2016

kp2016

Has 20 years experience. 461 Posts

Is it possible to swap to different nights or day shift? At an awful former job we had basically had set nights. I loved the staff I worked with, occasionally I’d swap with someone on a different line to me and every shift was crap due to the other staff on that line.
 

It really didn’t seem to matter how I played it working with these people was simply awful. Within a few months I realized nothing I wanted a particular night off for was important enough to put up with these people. It was chalk and cheese between my usual group and the other group. Before you throw in the towel see if swapping shifts is possible. 

NewRookie

NewRookie, RN

15 Posts

On 7/23/2022 at 12:21 AM, 2BS Nurse said:

 "I thought that people choosing the nursing profession would be professional".

I thought this too when I entered the profession, but it's not always true. BTW, I've encountered more lack of professionalism with the 40 and 50 somethings than I have with the younger staff.

me too.

feelix

feelix, RN

335 Posts

On 7/20/2022 at 11:46 PM, Been there,done that said:

Must respectfully disagree. Make friends with the clique.. or they may take you out before the one year mark.  Be sweet and pleasant to them, to buy the time you need to start looking now. Bring food, offer help.

I have been there, done that. Even though I did nothing to them, they  like to gang up on a target. Also see... lateral violence.

The clique is hungry for blood. They attack newbies and older nurses. Getting inside the inner circle will help survival. Laugh, joke and don’t appear smarter than they are and they me leave you alone before 3 years. That is the magical time period.

Beware of the techs too and don’t believe a word they say. Show them respect. If they refuse to do your work don’t complain. They are more powerful than the nurses and will take you down faster.

But, don't gossip or give them fodder for.

Edited by feelix

MsNickki

MsNickki

Specializes in Student Nurse. 7 Posts

Mid-40’s nurse graduate. Graduated in 2021. My 1st job was short lived and in a different city. The cliques were insane. These cliques were along language & ethnic lines. I just assume there will be cliques at every job I work. I don’t speak Tagalog, but know enough to know they were speaking about myself & another nurse right in front of us. Then would turn smile and try to ask us personal questions.   Blatantly in your face or coyly behind your back if someone talks about me…it’s going to be a very short conversation bc they don’t know anything. 


I know feeling a part of the out group is not fun at all. However it does give you an opportunity to focus on your craft. Try to focus on strengthening the connections you have in and out of work and doing things that make you feel more fulfilled. 

feelix

feelix, RN

335 Posts

It is not just the young people doing it. Once behaviors are established, they last a lifetime. Effective managers see through and discourage such behaviors. Weak managers rely on the gossip  circuit and take decisions based on personal preferences and fiction.

People are writing dissertations on horizontal violence. It is not something we can or should ignore for it to go away. It needs to be recognized and eradicated.

Edited by feelix

JKL33

6,382 Posts

4 hours ago, feelix said:

People are writing dissertations on horizontal violence. It is not something we can or should ignore for it to go away. It needs to be recognized and eradicated.

Agree, but also a point of contention here. This lateral violence thing got a little too much momentum a little too easily; in my opinion it was because it was something admin was willing to allow focus on because it is (supposedly) everyone other than themselves....even though they are a HUGE part of what goes on and they themselves perpetuate as much "violence" as anyone.

This is not dissertation worthy. It is common sense and common decency.

My current workplace (not acute care), you would be the obvious odd man out if you can't be respectful, at minimum, no matter the circumstances.  The occasional one  who struggles with their treatment of others has no place there and will be told that in no uncertain terms and will be on notice. But it's different people running the show there. It's a TOTALLY different ball game than the ridiculous mess of acute care where staff is routinely told they are not doing enough/should be able to do more, frequently criticized, blamed, needs ignored, gaslighted, constantly navigating more roadblocks to good patient care, etc. It's been interesting to see how much better people can be when they feel good about what they're doing and are treated respectfully by their superiors.

Similar phenomenon with NETY--lots of talk and lots of papers, meanwhile corporations will chew people up and spit them out regardless of age/experience if they want to while we sit around pointing fingers at each other.

Few can function well in that kind of disparaging environment day in and day out.  And it shows. But...🤷🏽‍♀️

 

Edited by JKL33

Hoosier_RN, MSN

Specializes in dialysis. Has 29 years experience. 3,587 Posts

On 7/22/2022 at 7:04 AM, Tweety said:

It shouldn't be an environment of wanting to make you cry every shift, but know this will be the case when you are able to move on.

 

 

A big part of this is being a new nurse, I feel is the OPs problem. Everyone else's mention of the GenZs making up a big piece of the work force is a fact that we'll have to get accustomed to. As I get nearer to retirement age, the less I care what my coworkers think of me personally, and that was close to nil when I was younger!

FallingInPlace

FallingInPlace, ADN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice, Wound Care. Has 9 years experience. 55 Posts

I'm 60, started in nursing st 50, so I feel ya! As you get more comfortable in the job, your confidence will show, and it's likely your relationship with your colleagues will change as well. Units like yours usually have high turnover, so you will quickly become the go-to for new nurses if you develop a friendly rapport with new hires.  As others have noted, some of my worst job experiences have been with older nurses, especially when I was new on the job.  So hang in there, things should get better, and if not, the job market is 🔥.

TAKOO01

TAKOO01, BSN

Has 6 years experience. 1 Article; 257 Posts

On 7/27/2022 at 10:59 AM, feelix said:

The clique is hungry for blood. They attack newbies and older nurses. Getting inside the inner circle will help survival. Laugh, joke and don’t appear smarter than they are and they me leave you alone before 3 years. That is the magical time period.

Beware of the techs too and don’t believe a word they say. Show them respect. If they refuse to do your work don’t complain. They are more powerful than the nurses and will take you down faster.

But, don't gossip or give them fodder for.

This is depressing,  but you are probably right. If you have to stay at a job like this, I guess there is no choice.