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Messed up

by Tlynn17 Tlynn17 (New) New

Hi..please no judgement I am sick obout this. I am a nurse in KNAP and am going to test positive for alcohol and opiate. I have a script for the Opiate from my dentist for a bad tooth, but it's not listed on my meds through KNAP. I've already lost everything once, one would think I would have learned. I have severed anxiety related to PTSD from a sexual assault. I'm going to AA/NA again and searching for a therapist. Has anyone been through this? just wondering if they are going to revoke my license or will start my contract over. I was given a second chance and I completely blew it. It was hard to post this, just desperately searching for advice and support. I feel completely alone

First off, big hugs.

While I don't have any advice or predictions regarding what will happen, getting back into sobriety and taking charge of your mental health is the first step you need to take...

What is going to happen is going to happen. How your life shapes up depends on how you move forward. Meetings and therapy are exactly what you need to do to make sure you are able to move forward and weather the storm. Find that sobriety again and put it first. Go to meetings and get that white chip.

I wish I had an actual answer. The unknown feels caustic and sometimes eats us from the inside out. I encourage you to search for the things that you have the power to change and work on those. Don't let the fear of the unknown keep you from doing what you need to do to take care of your sobriety and mental health. That fear is going to be there...but don't let it paralyze you and send you any further back. Talk to your case manager. They are going to be in the best position to know what is the next disciplinary action.

Please keep us updated about what happens with you.


dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN

Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage. Has 8 years experience.

I replied to your other thread. I graduated from KNAP in June, don't think too much has changed. It's not the end of the world but you may be asked to stop working and re-do treatment of some kind, depending on the circumstances of your drinking.

Thank you, I will let you know.

I know of multiple nurses in the Florida peer assistance program who have relapsed and were given second and third chances in the program. Usually they had to go back to rehab or HIP, and their contracts restarted, but they are willing to give you another chance! Just be honest, but don't volunteer anything extra. I'm rooting for you!! Recovery is hard, and there is no shame in admitting you messed up, because you are asking for help!!!

Does anyone know what firstsource test option #1 (NC) is for? And how long until I get my results?

Hi..do you remember how long it took you to get your peth test results?

dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN

Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage. Has 8 years experience.

Hi..do you remember how long it took you to get your peth test results?

Oh god. 5 or 6 days maybe? A little longer than getting the usual UA back.


Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc. Has 12 years experience.

Call your caseworker and be honest about what you did. That will be much better than them finding positive test results and having to ask you. Honestly assess what happened, get back to a program, and work it one day at a time. What's done is done. Take honest stock of what happened, and why; but don't beat yourself up. One day at a time. Others have relapsed and later successfully completed their monitoring. You can do this. *hug*

3ringnursing, BSN

Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse. Has 25 years experience.

Who hasn't screwed up?

I'm an old fart, so many of you were watching Sesame Street or Blue's Clue's when my addiction was dragged out (kicking, screaming and squirming) into the light, I reluctantly admitted my drug problems and started on a decree of censure program. Back then it was fairly new, and I was just thankful I had a second chance.

Back then in AZ a nondisciplinary (snort) program was 3 years (I can't recall what probation was) with lots of hoop jumping, and jump I did. If you toed the line you got narcotic keys back in 6 months (not very smart in my opinion).

Back then you called Sonora Quest labs 800 number M-F - you were assigned a color (blue) - and an automated recorded message told you whether it was your day for the whiz quiz. You had until 5 pm - no exceptions. You paid $50.00 out of pocket for the honor.

Some people (those with relapses) had 2 assigned colors. Sometimes they would call you randomly to tell you to go pee "Now" (the day after a birthday was always a given - and for me my mom's death anniversary too. Always).

Stepdown was supposed to happen the last 6 months. No more calling them - but they called you.

In between there were nurse recovery meetings, NA meetings twice a week, and an intense 8-9 months of group and solo counseling. I spent my 10 year wedding anniversary doing this, and we all lined up for breathalyzer testing. Ahhh ... Fun times.

Those counseling sessions were spent trying to get me to admit to possible relapses, and digging deep into my psyche to find out why I had done what I did (6-8 weeks after finishing new grad orientation too - now THAT my friend was a real f*** up). There was no real reason to blame: sure I had just graduated, my mom had just died a month prior, I had a brand new baby at 27 y.o., and my marriage was coming apart at the seams - but lots of people go through stuff like this and don't dare do what I did. Maybe I wanted to be caught subconsciously? Not unsubconsciously - I nearly had an MI at the time. The truth is I just did it, and there was no real neat, tidy reason I could give to satisfy anyone who asked.

Back then they couldn't test for ETOH, so if that was your drug of choice it was possible to cheat on the weekends when there was no testing - not my thing. No hair or nail testing either back in the days of no home computers or cellphones.

Eventually I completed my time, had my record wiped clean and went on with my life. A few skirmishes in between, but all things eventually end - good or bad. I even learned a few things.

Leaving the wayback machine for present day let me just say this to you my newest friend (and this is something I had been saying an awful lot lately): To err is human. None of us can say we haven't screwed up - even those still skillful enough to hide their daemons. Human nature makes us susceptible to messing up in is some truly horrifying ways. All part of the learning we do in the mortal coil while we are on this earth. You are no different.

When I did my program there was one way, and one way only: AA or NA. You worked the 12 steps, and everyone was a "friend of Bill". You subscribed to a higher power, or you got out. Now there are other ways to do a program.

Whether you believe in God, or not, we all are on this earth in the flesh for a limited amount of time. What we do with it is entirely up to us. We are here to

maybe even learn a thing or two before we revert back to dust in the wind.

Cut yourself some slack - from what you mentioned briefly in your post you've been through the wringer. Perfection is not part of the human experience expectation.

Let me offer you a huge mama-hug from a far, and tell you to dust yourself off, dry your eyes and start over. There is no shame in coming clean with your contact person and beginning again.

I hate to see you hurting - hell, I hate to see any of us hurting, but we are here for each other and to offer support, leaving judgement at the door.

We are interested to hear how are. Please let us know how you are doing. We care about you.

Edited by 3ringnursing

Call your Caseworker, be honest, if you have a copy of the prescription or if the Dentist will provide documentation that he/she did prescribe and share that with the Nursing Board/Caseworker. Look into long term Rehabs, 60-90 day programs may be suggest by your Nursing Board or Caseworker, being prepared shows your willingness to change your life around. Do the research. There is no more shame, it's a deadly cycle just as your addiction is. Find home group in AA or NA, they will love you when you can't love yourself and they will support you lovingly until you can love yourself! Definitely get a sponsor.

Edited by lfarleyfisher

I'm sorry, I don't have any answers for you but I just wanted to say I know how your feeling and I've done just about the same thing. But don't beat yourself up about it too much, just keep trying... that's all we can do.

Thank you..it's a horrible feeling...can I ask if your in KNAP and what did they do?

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

Hi Tlynn17! I just wanted to give you my support, say "Welcome to AN.com", and hope the very best for you.

As virtual support, we'll be here for you.


Specializes in Med/surg/ortho. Has 7 years experience.

Relapse is a part of recovery sometimes. You'll be alright they may extend ur contract or maybe mandate more drug tests or possibly go back to treatment...