Guys: How do you handle the female aggressiveness/possessiveness

Nurses Men

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I am currently 24 y.o. in an RN ADN program. Thing is, I'm in a clinical group with all women....which ain't bad but, some of these women do not get along and i'm the neutral guy who they all seem to gravitate towards. Some of these women get upset if I have conversations with other students or employees at the hospital. Better yet some employees(female) nurse aides, other medical staff are overly friendly and go out of their way to speak or get my attention. I'm constantly being asked how many children? When do you graduate? How old are you? Where do you live? They dont even ask my name lol. Its not unwanted attention, i just don't know how to handle it correctly. I look more and act maturer than my age and the older women(30 and over) seem to be very upfront when they seem to have an interest, I get the motherly/aunt vibe and it feels weird cause i can sense the sexual thoughts they may be thinking and one nurse pinched my ass...I just laughed and was about to say something to her sexual, but i had to remember where i was. If I go to the cafeteria with a different female classmate, i get looks as if i'm some sort of womanizer. Then the killer part is I have to hear these women ridicule one another as soon as one leaves the room, which i find hilarious. I could imagine what they say when i leave the room, but it doesn't bother me. I also realized that married woman love to flirt in the workplace, which is fine because I'm married. Bottom line is, i feel like I'm the females work-boyfriend, beauty consultant, gift, advicer, ego-stroker/deflater and the list goes on. Guys how do i handle it?

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Specializes in ER/Trauma.

I don't partake in most of it.

I have my share of harmless fun. My co-workers will swear up and down that I'm the most "fun" person to work with - full of laughs and wit. Day shift nurses are constantly saying how they miss the funtimes on days since I work nights :)

But I don't let the gossip/whining/backbiting continue in my presense. I usually excuse myself and go do an assessment or some such.

If it still continues, I gently change the subject.

If that still doesn't work - I take said person aside and put it forth bluntly that I'd rather they not share these things with me because frankly I don't care for it.

I get along with 98% of staff. There are a couple who give me attitude - which I let slide untill it starts affecting patient care.

I recognise the fact that I am a professional. I'm also ok with the fact that I won't impress everyone and that I don't have to. I realise that it is impossible to get along with all the people, all the time.

This isn't a high school popularity contest. I'm here to work - and I'll appreciate any and all co-operation in that endeavor.

The rest is just BS.

Stop playing their game. People won't recognise your boundaries unless you demarcate them - and unless you are firm about it, they won't learn to respect your boundaries either.

cheers,

PS: Pinching butt is a no-no. Big time. It's one thing to banter and flirt.

Sorry - but professionals at work don't butt-pinch/slap each other. Male/female is immaterial.

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Specializes in OR.

I think Roy is right: stop playing their game. Maybe I'm misreading it, but the subtext of the question appears to me to be, "How do I stop all these women flirting with me?" My suggestion is, don't flirt with them. If only one of two people is trying to flirt, it stops being flirting and starts being harassment. Even if some of them don't behave appropriately, for whatever reason, I don't think it's likely that every woman you work with is bent on harassing you. And if you get it down to just one or two people who aren't appropriate, you'll be in the ideal position to follow Roy's lead and let it slide - until it affects patient care.

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that pinching is so wrong... sexual harrassment... yuk!

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Specializes in PCU/Hospice/Oncology.

Im one of three guys in my entire class. Im the ONLY guy in my clinical on the FLOOR. Needless to say i get some unusual attention from the nurses. Nothing bad but it is defintely special treatment. I get the better assignments, (i.e. for me the more difficult ones which i love) I get to give meds alot more then my female counterparts. The nurses noticably are more respectful to me and yes I will confess, I have gotten grabbed a few times on the tush in passing. I just ignore it because I am a professional and my focus needs to be on patient care. I can take the nurse aside later and ask that she be a little more appropriate, and that my boyfriend wouldnt appreciate hearing her goings on with my tuckus ;) that usually stops the ladies from doing it again... that is unless they do the opposite.. *shudder*

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Specializes in E.R. Peds, PICU, CCU,.

The "game" is a trap your not trained well enough to play in and you never will be.

Ignore the looks, be jovial in your conversations, DO NOT go near the flirting line. That line is crossed faster than you can ever realize. Once it is crossed, it is nursing supervision for you. Once there a lecture will be mandatory then soon after comes the target painting for your back.

Concentrate on your nursing skills you will be expected to know more and be better, especially with basic nursing.

Go to lunch with whoever you please.

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I think Roy is right: stop playing their game. Maybe I'm misreading it, but the subtext of the question appears to me to be, "How do I stop all these women flirting with me?" My suggestion is, don't flirt with them. If only one of two people is trying to flirt, it stops being flirting and starts being harassment. Even if some of them don't behave appropriately, for whatever reason, I don't think it's likely that every woman you work with is bent on harassing you. And if you get it down to just one or two people who aren't appropriate, you'll be in the ideal position to follow Roy's lead and let it slide - until it affects patient care.

Don't flirt back. Very dangerous game there! You say you are married, don't take that relationship for granted. You don't know which person has a nutty spouse who is looking for someone to shoot!! My ex got nuts because I had a friendly relationship with one of my co-workers who was gay. Sexual harrassment is a very serious issue and taken seriously by most employers.

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I think the advice above is really good. I have found that lots of nurses where I work will backstab / gossip about another nurse who has just left the room. I understand the need to vent sometimes, but for some people it appears to be a hobby. I just leave the room. So I have to eat my lunch outside or in the caf...I don't care, I would rather do that than sit in a poisoned atmosphere for 30minutes. As for the pinching....I'm pretty surprised. Imagine what would happen if you grabbed one of the female's butts! Can you say classified ads? Personally, I would say something to them. Not just to let them know you don't appreciate it but to let them know that its crossing a line. Even if a NM saw that I think there might be trouble despite the fact it wasn't harmful. Just my thoughts.

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Thanks for the advice you all, i'll try to stay out of the way.

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Specializes in PCU/Hospice/Oncology.

They all have good advice. Trust me, I am taking notes too. When it comes to the ladies I am a grade A dunce. Then again I think most men have some type of lady issue at some point. Live n learn.

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...i can sense the sexual thoughts they may be thinking and one nurse pinched my ass...

:lol2: I can sense each man's immense desire for me every time I innocently walk by.

But, seriously, it sounds like you're loving it! You almost said something sexual to the nurse who pinched you, but then remembered where you were? You don't sound like a victim to me.

Most smart men seem to ignore the "normal" gossip that goes on among females at work. And yes, they probably will like you if they never hear you say anything negative about anyone. You will be the "nice" one which won't be a bad thing when you need a favor down the line.

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I can see it now... I am going to get pinched and get startled and my reflexes will take control... next thing you know I am in jail and out of a job for elbowing a little old lady in the face. It will look like I am an abusive, little old lady hater since no one saw the pinch, yet everyone saw the broken nose!

JK lol:lol2:

But really... I wonder if the admin. would seriously consider female pinching male a case of sexual abuse... they might just laugh and pinch your ass as well and say "don't take things so seriously, hun... consider it a reward... now get back to work"

If I got a nickel for every time a female pinched my butt, I might have 15 cents or so... but I would still be broke.:selfbonk:

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