Men not helpful

Nurses Relations

Published

Hi guys,

There are are male team leaders(only male) at work who do nothing except sitting and talking and joking with staff( but without helping them) as if they are at a cafe.

Yesterday and today were heavy for me, and the team leader despite being free and roaming around as if he is on a picnic, did not help. If my patients are calling and I am busy, he just tells me that one patient called and I should see what he wanted.

Men are strong and they have bigger lung capacity and they are more powerful than us women yet they refuse to use that physical power.

They don't answer the calling bells from patients or take heavy patients to toilet.

What is the best way to handle the issue?

Should I email the charge nurse regarding the issue or tell them to move(they are senior in position to me btw)?

I respect you macawake, and I do believe you are a logical and an intelligent person.

This is exactly how feminism is destructive and divisive; as feminism continues to morph and embed the ideals of those with an unscrupulous agenda, little by little you will adhere and subscribe to that agenda as well, and not even realize it. You will eventually have defended it for so long, that no matter what it morphs into, you will defend it. The feminist movement wants women to believe that they are weak, unless they become feminists.

You might think you respect me, but it's clear to me that you don't. I'm not saying that to be combative or inflammatory, I'm just stating a fact as I see it. The very next post after you said you respect me, you called me stupid or gullible. No, you didn't use the words, but look at what you said. It seems I'm not astute enough to recognize that there's an "unscrupulous [feminist] agenda".

How many times must I explain my personal definition of feminism, what feminism means to me, before you realize that I completely reject your definition? Your definition is not one I subscribe to. And do you want to hear something funny? The only time I ever discuss feminism is when someone comes along, in this case you, and tries to convince me that feminism is bad.

It's done nothing for you or other women. Before there was feminism, there were just women, and your grandmother was one of those women and so was mine. So why must you insist that you owe feminism, instead of your women predecessors?

Do you really think I consider feminism as some kind of inanimate "thing" that magically improved the lives for women? Of course it's the human beings that affect change. Many human beings. Together. And again, you don't get to decide what feminism means or has done for me.

The feminist movement wants women to believe that they are weak, unless they become feminists.

According to who? This is just one more thing that doesn't resonate with me. I'm not sure who you've been listening to but no one has ever tried to sell me that concept. I'm not a feminist because someone convinced me to be one, I just simply am. It seems rather natural for a woman :)

history has proven that women didn't need feminism in order to thrive, and they certainly don't need it now.

(partial sentence/quote)

I'm not sure what timeframe you're thinking about when you say history, but women sure needed something to thrive. Not that many years ago women weren't allowed to vote, their husbands could legally beat and rape them, they couldn't divorce even an abusive spouse, they were forced to give birth and become mothers regardless of what their wishes were and this included pregnancy after rape. It was either that or risk their life in an unsafe back-alley abortion at the hands of hacks. (That's sadly still the case in many parts of our world). And a large number women died in childbirth. So no, the good old days weren't so good from a female perspective. Not from a male perspective either, if you happen to care about the welfare of women. So how has history in your mind proven that women don't need feminism?

See how both definitions of communism and feminism use the word "equality" without setting any parameters? So why agree with one or the other when we know that definitions do not translate to reality.

Are you seriously saying that we can't have equality between the sexes because communism doesn't work? I don't see the logic in that conclusion. And again, I've defined my parameters more than once in this thread, but I don't seem to be getting through to you.

About communism, as the child of a diplomat I lived several years behind the Iron Curtain when there still was one, and even from my sheltered viewpoint I can confidently say that it sucked. But, it has not a thing to do with equality between the sexes.

Although we may never find out, the attitude put forth by the OP resonates with the rhetoric of modern feminism. I didn't bring up feminism in this post, but do you see how it has been thrusted into this conversation and what it did to the thread? Put that on a global scale now and think about the impact.

Wasn't it the "third waver" who first mentioned the forbidden word?

I think OP works in the Middle East somewhere, Saudi Arabia? Dubai? I can't recall, but I'm too lazy to go back and check. Either way, hardly a hotbed of feminism... And going out on a limb here, I don't think that the more radical members of the feminist movement usually complain about men with superior lung capacity who won't help toilet patients.

Well, this has been fun but I don't see it leading anywhere constructive, so after one last quote and response, I'm calling it quits.

I don't believe for a second that you owe any of your success to feminism. Feminism says that you are successful because of the ideals that feminism has set forth, not the actual fortitude of your efforts. It takes away from YOU, and what YOU have done.

Of course it is my own hard work that has earned me my degrees. You have all these ideas about what feminism says or means. It's not what it means to me.

You can spend more time trying to convince me, but I must warn you; you are destined to lose that battle ;)

I'm Scandinavian. It's basically culturally impossible for me to embrace what you're trying to sell.

I'm Scandinavian. It's basically culturally impossible for me to embrace what you're trying to sell.

Well, the big reveal. No wonder. I am also Scandinavian and Spanish, so I'm a tad bit stubborn. The stone wall will definitely not be broken down anytime soon. No hard feelings

Double post

You might think you respect me, but it's clear to me that you don't. I'm not saying that to be combative or inflammatory, I'm just stating a fact as I see it. The very next post after you said you respect me, you called me stupid or gullible. No, you didn't use the words, but look at what you said. It seems I'm not astute enough to recognize that there's an "unscrupulous [feminist] agenda".

How many times must I explain my personal definition of feminism, what feminism means to me, before you realize that I completely reject your definition? Your definition is not one I subscribe to. And do you want to hear something funny? The only time I ever discuss feminism is when someone comes along, in this case you, and tries to convince me that feminism is bad.

Do you really think I consider feminism as some kind of inanimate "thing" that magically improved the lives for women? Of course it's the human beings that affect change. Many human beings. Together. And again, you don't get to decide what feminism means or has done for me.

According to who? This is just one more thing that doesn't resonate with me. I'm not sure who you've been listening to but no one has ever tried to sell me that concept. I'm not a feminist because someone convinced me to be one, I just simply am. It seems rather natural for a woman :)

(partial sentence/quote)

I'm not sure what timeframe you're thinking about when you say history, but women sure needed something to thrive. Not that many years ago women weren't allowed to vote, their husbands could legally beat and rape them, they couldn't divorce even an abusive spouse, they were forced to give birth and become mothers regardless of what their wishes were and this included pregnancy after rape. It was either that or risk their life in an unsafe back-alley abortion at the hands of hacks. (That's sadly still the case in many parts of our world). And a large number women died in childbirth. So no, the good old days weren't so good from a female perspective. Not from a male perspective either, if you happen to care about the welfare of women. So how has history in your mind proven that women don't need feminism?

Are you seriously saying that we can't have equality between the sexes because communism doesn't work? I don't see the logic in that conclusion. And again, I've defined my parameters more than once in this thread, but I don't seem to be getting through to you.

About communism, as the child of a diplomat I lived several years behind the Iron Curtain when there still was one, and even from my sheltered viewpoint I can confidently say that it sucked. But, it has not a thing to do with equality between the sexes.

Wasn't it the "third waver" who first mentioned the forbidden word?

I think OP works in the Middle East somewhere, Saudi Arabia? Dubai? I can't recall, but I'm too lazy to go back and check. Either way, hardly a hotbed of feminism... And going out on a limb here, I don't think that the more radical members of the feminist movement usually complain about men with superior lung capacity who won't help toilet patients.

Well, this has been fun but I don't see it leading anywhere constructive, so after one last quote and response, I'm calling it quits.

Of course it is my own hard work that has earned me my degrees. You have all these ideas about what feminism says or means. It's not what it means to me.

You can spend more time trying to convince me, but I must warn you; you are destined to lose that battle ;)

I'm Scandinavian. It's basically culturally impossible for me to embrace what you're trying to sell.

Very well said, and the posts before this one. You have argued your case far better than some on this thread.

Feminism is doomed for failure because it is based on an attempt to repeal and restructure human nature

-Phyllis Schlafly

A lot of people don't understand what feminism is. They think it is about advance and success for women, but it's not that at all. It is about power for the female left. And they have this, I think, ridiculous idea that American women are oppressed by the patriarchy and we need laws and government to solve our problems for us.

-Phyllis Schlafly

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.

-Margaret Thatcher

Where I work, the men are very competitive about who can provide the best care. Seriously, it is the best kind of masculinity. The guys are always checking in with each other and everybody to see who needs help. Meticulous charting, too.

Specializes in Oncology/Hematology.

I find this post insulting! The you worded it using words such as "they" as you are implying to all men in the profession. As male who has worked in healthcare for 10 years I have seen many good staff and lazy staff (btw women can be lazy too.) If you have a problem with said individual why don't you have a professional conversation with him instead of running and taddling. When that doesn't work then follow your chain of command and usually the lazy one's weed themselves out. As far as men being stronger yes they can be stronger depending on the man, but they shouldn't be expected to do all the lifting. We all have to use proper body mechanics if Physical Therapy says this person is a 2 assist then use 2 people and if they are too difficult to assist with 2 people then let physical therapy know that they need to be reevaluated. Have you ever seen older nurses walking with a limp who had hips, knees, etc. done nursing is hard on your body and we need to take care of it.

Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

On 7th. pg. of this thread and OP,

Has not been back since ask pg 1 or so ? What country are you in?

"Suspect Troll "

Specializes in Oncology/Hematology.

If your referring to me I am from the United States (Ohio) and I am not a troll this post isn't that old and I'm entitled to my opinion it doesn't matter if it's the 7th page when I clicked comment it did not say 7th page.

If your referring to me I am from the United States (Ohio) and I am not a troll this post isn't that old and I'm entitled to my opinion it doesn't matter if it's the 7th page when I clicked comment it did not say 7th page.

No - they were referring to the opening poster (their posts are in blue so you can differentiate them), who apparently has created quite a hot topic of convo, but has failed to revisit the thread and contribute much beyond the opening post!

Hi all, thanks to all who shared their opinions.

I decided to ignore those male staff who are not helpful. I hate them, but I will never be a hypocrite with them. I respected them when I was ignorant and I thought they were 'good': not every one who talks nicely to you is your friend. I demand actions, they show actions and I will like them again.

In my culture men should help women, especially if she deals with male patients.

I am a Arabic nurse and I was born in Dubai and I work in Dubai.

Hi guys,

There are are male team leaders(only male) at work who do nothing except sitting and talking and joking with staff( but without helping them) as if they are at a cafe.

Yesterday and today were heavy for me, and the team leader despite being free and roaming around as if he is on a picnic, did not help. If my patients are calling and I am busy, he just tells me that one patient called and I should see what he wanted.

Men are strong and they have bigger lung capacity and they are more powerful than us women yet they refuse to use that physical power.

They don't answer the calling bells from patients or take heavy patients to toilet.

What is the best way to handle the issue?

Should I email the charge nurse regarding the issue or tell them to move(they are senior in position to me btw)?

I would NEVER recommend emailing someone about this issue.

1. What you see as doing nothing, may not be true. What you saw was a "snapshot" a moment in someone else's day. As you were very busy, doing what nurses do, tending to your patients.

Nor would I recommend saying something, in the heat of the moment, that would jeopardize your relationship with your coworkers.

Consider this, perhaps your frustration was an issue with staffing and nurse/patient ratios.

If you feel this person (note I did not use a gender-specific noun) is not pulling their weight. Think about what you want to achieve. Nurse/patient ratios that are manageable?

Your conversation could go something like, "You know the other day, I had a full patient load and I felt like I couldn't keep up. As a team lead, what is your role on the unit? Maybe we can put our heads together that will impact better care delivery. What do you suggest?"

2. A blanket statement is not helpful, to anyone. Ever. I would steer clear of the suggestion that one demographic is "lazy".

3. As a floor nurse, it is expected that you will be busy on your shift. What is your process for the shift? Do you use a brain sheet to help keep track of everything that needs to be done?

4. If you want to be a change agent, begin by using the appropriate chain of command. The structure should be available to you in the General Employee Handbook, or what ever your institution calls it.

5. If you aren't willing to help fix the problem, then ultimately you are part of the problem. And keep in mind nobody is forcing you to stay on that unit. You are a nurse, and there are several opportunites where you could use your skills more in line with your niche.

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