married/engaged/involved students, how are you juggling your relationship w/ school?

Nursing Students General Students

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First semester for me was rough. Hubby didn't understand the rigors of nursing school and felt neglected. I was doing my very best but after clinical, studying, care plans, being mommy and getting ready for the next day, I was never in the mood for anything remotely romantic or sexual. That led to some infidelity on his part and although we're working through it, I'm afraid that this next year of school is going to be the same way. This semester I have two clinicals and longer hours so that means more work and time away. I'm also working weekends and he works nights throughout the week. He's also going back to school full time this semester. It sounds like a lot but we have bills to pay, goals to accomplish and a mouth to feed. I'm so afraid my dedication to nursing school is going to be the death of my relationship. I try my best to do lunch dates or spend what little time we have together but what if that's not enough?

How are you all making time for your significant other?

The way you both feel sounds normal to me. Married life can be complicated when schedules get switched around and you both have less time for each other. But you have to make the sacrifice to also spend a little time with each other romantically. Write little love notes to each other throughout the week (letters...not text messages) Just remind each other that y'all love each other and are thinking of each other. I'm sure you will find a way to make it workout! There will be times when you both argue and want to quit, but it's not worth it! It should go "in sickness and in nursing school...death do us part!" This will all pass over soon! Bless you:)

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I feel for ya, I wouldn't wanna undergo this journey with the temptation of my roomates going out having fun! Stick to your guns. But I wanted to mention that you also have an option of staying at the school after class to study, and also your public library. Good luck!

Those are good ideas too :) I'll probably do that when we can practice lab skills and just make a full day of being at school even though I dont have to be. I also have thought of going to Dennys since they're open 24 hours and some have wifi, for those late night study sessions! And thanks!!

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
OK - I sense some blame-shifting here.... OP, you can accept responsibility for any problems with your marriage, but the infidelity is ALL HIM. Not your fault. There are a jillion different ways he could have reacted, but his choice was the one that was guaranteed to completely destroy your trust & cause you the most psychological damage. Don't accept any of the blame for his choice. You now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does not have your back & this will make nursing school very much more difficult for you unless you choose to completely detach from him.

At the very least, please seek some m counseling - don't just ignore and hope it goes away. It won't.

^THIS...

I was in my BSN program and worked 30-40 hours a week...I went to nursing school two years of consecutive semesters, which included weekend time; although my fiancée did not understand the gravity of how nursing school works, he NEVER stepped out of the relationship. I entered nursing school during a period of the start of the "living together" phase before marriage- and that was a strain in itself :yes:

I was tired, sometimes overwhelmed, he still supported my endeavor and knew how important my goal was; he accepted my delay in going to the altar because I did not want the added stress of that on top of nursing school; and he WAITED, did run out, abandon, cheat, etc...and it worked out.

I will state, there is an adage of how nursing school can break up some relationships and marriages...however a lot of times, those relationships were headed for a conclusion...when one evolves, especially for the better, a loved one will support the evolution and grow in some sort of way as well, or not appreciate the change and become resentful. I have seen the dark side of resentment from one of my classmates; I know nurses that went through a ton of :poop: from their spouses and had to get out. It took about a year out of PN school for my ex to crack...he was VERY resentful because of his shortcomings, and I wanted him to be accountable of his actions...he wasn't, along with other substantial problems he had, and it ended, horribly.

Fortunately, this relationship is MUCH more different, and a keeper-he's a much better cook! ;) and an emotional support system as well.

We even snuck time to go to London for his birthday during my mid-semester break..I only had to make up one clinical and when I came back I got a A on my Peds exam!

BOTH parties have make time into the schedule in getting counseling for your marriage...I wouldn't want your goals to suffer because of your husband's infidelity; it would be an understatement to say it's pretty damaging...I've been there. There are going to need a sounding board, and need a source of comfort, and that should be your husband; and you will need to be his sounding board as well; going to school is a life changing experience for ALL support parties involved. This situation does affect that intimate support that you need from your relationship. A counselor can help with you individually as well as for your marriage.

Sending positive vibes in your success in your schooling and your marriage.

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Specializes in Med/surg, Onc.

My husband is my biggest cheerleader! We're married and we have a 6 1/2 year old son. He's picked up a lot of slack at home while I'm in school and has turned into a great cook too!! I couldn't do this without his full support! Thankfully I'll be starting my final semester in 3 weeks!!

We make sure to schedule a date night at least once a month even while I'm in school though too. So that we can stay connected as a couple (when not in school we did once a week dates, even if they were in the living room after the kiddo was in bed).

Very selfish of your husband if you ask me, school is not an "excuse" for infidelity. I would definitely suggest some couple's counseling.

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Specializes in LTC, Rural, OB.

I have to agree with pps. There is clearly something else going on if he cheated on you. Lack of attention d/t nursing school is not an acceptable excuse. My husband and I live 10 hours away from each other when I'm in school. Talk about no quality time together. This summer is the first time I've spent more than 3 weeks with him in a year. As long as you talk to each other every day it shouldn't be an issue. Counseling would be a good idea.

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I know for me (and I realize my situation doesn't apply to everyone), my wife and I had several long conversations about the kind of time commitments nursing school was going to require and what that might mean for us as a couple. Once I started and I was making my study schedule, I made sure to include time in that schedule for her. I gave myself at least an hour every day to spend with her. Unless I have a late class or clinical, we have dinner together every night. Also, I arranged my study schedule so that needing to stay up late is rare (and I've never had to pull an all-nighter), so we go to bed together almost every night. With careful time management, I've arranged things so that most of my studying is done over six days, so that I have one full day every week with no schoolwork or studying to spend with her.

More than anything, though, I think it was important that we both got on the same page, seeing this time in nursing school as a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain. I realize every day how lucky I am to have a partner so supportive, who is my number 1 cheerleader :)

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OP, I commend you on trying to work through those issues with your husband! I do not think I would. With me and my boyfriend I make sure to plan special events for us a few times a month, and just down time. If its before a test we usually rent a movie (I sit and read) or sometimes he even will do flashcards or values with me. Just try to stay as organized as possible, and as others have said DO NOT feel responsible for your husband's actions.

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I am one of the lucky ones. My wife has been an educator all of her life and right now is the director of student counseling at our college. She not only understands the rigors of the nursing program, she has even told me that she expects me to join in to every study group, review session, etc.

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My husband is gone a lot and when he does get home he expects me to drop everything and take care of his "needs". we have a toddler and I work full time along with school. This always ****** me off and he began to think i was cheating. I have learned that if i give him 30 minutes he is happy and i can do what i need too. Not ideal and there are sometimes i REALLY am not in the mood but it is easier then fighting. This post did make me realize that we need to talk about what is to come. I start in 5 weeks and i know he does not understand how much work this will be.

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Specializes in Pediatric/Adolescent, Med-Surg.
My husband is gone a lot and when he does get home he expects me to drop everything and take care of his "needs". we have a toddler and I work full time along with school. This always ****** me off and he began to think i was cheating. I have learned that if i give him 30 minutes he is happy and i can do what i need too. Not ideal and there are sometimes i REALLY am not in the mood but it is easier then fighting. This post did make me realize that we need to talk about what is to come. I start in 5 weeks and i know he does not understand how much work this will be.

This is not fair to you. Intimacy is about both people getting their needs met. Obviously with work, school, and motherhood you are busy and exhausted, so I really don't see where you would fit time to cheat in there. As you mentioned you two need to talk, but not just about how nursing school will effect your relationship. You two need to talk how he is being selfish by putting his desires ahead of what both of you want. He needs to trust you, and believe that just because you aren't in the mood doesn't mean you are cheating

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That was very selfish on his part. I went through the same thing with my daughters father. Before starting nursing school, I told/warned him.about us not being able to spend time together and he still was whining, complaining, and acting like a big baby and I never lost focus from school I said the heck with him. Now I am graduating this friday. Just stay strong hun.

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I'm about to start school soon and I feel like a talk is ahead. I lived with my boyfriend for over a year; we've been dating for two years. He was with me when I was obtaining my bachelors, which was not easy for him I'm sure because I get ABSORBED in my studies. There are definitely some difficult points on both counts. I neglect housework to study, which can make him feel alone. Hes in education and gets free time more so than I do and wishes I could spend more time with him. Nursing school is going to be a million times harder so I know this time around I need to be involved, even if it's a few mins of free time. To that end, he needs to know that his girl is working hard and needs to be patient. What we love to do is cook so I make time for that. He has a background in health and fitness so he loves to do practice quizzes with me. We make a fun game out of it, sometimes with a bit of sexiness thrown in ;) you got to find time to laugh and make the best of a stressful situation.

I've been cheated on by my ex before and that relationship ended quick. Obviously with a family you have to make it work but the cheater needs to work that out on his own terms, especially when you're working hard to improve true circumstances.

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