married/engaged/involved students, how are you juggling your relationship w/ school?

LoriRNCM, ADN, ASN, RN · Aug 7, 2013

I'm sorry, but in my opinion, that was selfish of him. Especially if you are both working to better your lives and future. Surely he knows this is a short term inconvenience and requires some sacrifice. I don't blame you for forgiving him as you have a family, but he needs to get with the program! As for having time to spare with him, maybe actually blocking out some time in your schedule, and sticking to it, will work. Sometimes we are so tired with little ones, work, school....... (insert your time and energy sappers here), that we have to actually get going with it whether we are "in the mood" or not, and consider it an investment in your relationship, just as you would consider a study block an investment in your education.

STLmomma27 · Aug 7, 2013

I'm sorry, but in my opinion, that was selfish of him. Especially if you are both working to better your lives and future. Surely he knows this is a short term inconvenience and requires some sacrifice. I don't blame you for forgiving him as you have a family, but he needs to get with the program! As for having time to spare with him, maybe actually blocking out some time in your schedule, and sticking to it, will work. Sometimes we are so tired with little ones, work, school....... (insert your time and energy sappers here), that we have to actually get going with it whether we are "in the mood" or not, and consider it an investment in your relationship, just as you would consider a study block an investment in your education.

I agree completely. He needs to be more supportive. Did he think that nursing school was going to be easy breezy? Wake up.

I am getting ready to start first semester, but I already know and so does hubby that it is going to be very stressful. We also have an almost 1 year old.

CalRNtoBe2013 · Aug 7, 2013

We have 2 kids (one first grader, one toddler), he works full time, and I have school & work weekends. We NEVER see each other during the semester. I make sure that we have dinner as a family together Mon-Thur and take a walk/play a game together/etc after dinner. If it is during one of my first grader's sports seasons, we all go to practice or the games together. Don't get me wrong... We argue. A lot. I tend to flip out about stupid stuff under pressure (like the day before exams) and he has just sort of learned to ignore it. Although he hates not getting the attention he deserves, he appreciates that the tiny bit of free time that I do have is spent together as a family. I save "mommy night out with the girls" or all-day shopping trips for when I'm on break.

Julesmama28 · Aug 7, 2013

There's no excuse for infidelity. We have 8 kids, my hubby works full time with weeks out of town sometimes and is the lay bishop of our church. I'm in a full time BSN program that is very demanding! It's hard but we make time for each other. We also know that this time will pass. It won't always be this crazy! If you both want your relationship to last you need to give 100%. Don't take each other for granted. Sit down and discuss what you need from each other. Be honest! Good luck!

Swellz · Aug 7, 2013

My opinion is that there is nothing you can do and no amount of time you can spend with your partner that will prevent him/her from cheating if he/she is not determined to be faithful. I personally feel that is universal. I hope he is spending as much time making it up to you and your family as you are worrying about how to keep your family together.

That being said, I did involve my significant other as much as I could.

First, I tried making a schedule with him. I can spend X amount of time with you but then I have to study. Didn't work, because I would study in the same room as him and he would keep bothering me. I made study guides for him to quiz me off of, which wasn't very efficient idea allowed him to see how much I had to do and to help. Also, we had to get through that study guide before we could have our together time. As long as I didn't snap, that worked pretty well. Towards the end of school, I was sleeping in all of my non-study and non-work hours, and that lead to a lot of bitterness and fighting. I just didn't have anything in me to be romantic. I couldn't change that. We just put up with it. It passed.

FDW630 · Aug 7, 2013

First semester for me was rough. Hubby didn't understand the rigors of nursing school...?

He couldn't go for ONE semester without cheating on you?? I don't have anything kind to say about that so I will move on. Just think about that though...it only took threeish months for him to step out. Not really a promising sign.

I'm married with two young kids too. Our biggest problem is house work. My husband works for the fire dept so he spends good chunks of time away from the house too. I can't seem to find time to keep my house in order. I sacrifice that to show my family a little love...that's how I justify it. Something has to give. Of course its hard and you are much less available, but it is for such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things! When you have a family, everyone makes a sacrifice for one to go to school, but in my case it is for everyone's benefit. We will be much more financially stable, so it isn't just for myself.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Aug 7, 2013

OK - I sense some blame-shifting here.... OP, you can accept responsibility for any problems with your marriage, but the infidelity is ALL HIM. Not your fault. There are a jillion different ways he could have reacted, but his choice was the one that was guaranteed to completely destroy your trust & cause you the most psychological damage. Don't accept any of the blame for his choice. You now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does not have your back & this will make nursing school very much more difficult for you unless you choose to completely detach from him.

At the very least, please seek some m counseling - don't just ignore and hope it goes away. It won't.

smithlette · Aug 7, 2013

I am in nursing school, I work full-time (as does my husband), and we have 2 small children as well. I have to say, my husband has impressed me with his ability to "suck it up," so to speak, and take care of the kids and the house while I am working and in school. It isn't easy, but he sees this as something I am doing to better the life of our family, which is exactly what you're doing. I agree with PPs that your husband is acting in a selfish manner, and as far as being unfaithful because he felt neglected? That's a whole other can of worms that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with him.

Jenngirl34RN · Aug 7, 2013

I have a husband and two kids. I am very lucky that my husband makes enough that I do not have to work and can fully concentrate on school, so that is one less stress that I have, but it is still very tough. Before I started school we sat down and had a long discussion about how things would work. He knows that after the kids, who will always be my number one priority, I will be devoting all of my time to nursing school. We have planned some vacations for my school breaks, and have decided that once a month we will take a date night to go do something special just the two of us, and that every weekend we will do something, even if it is only for a couple of hours, as a family. He is fully supportive and knows it will only be for a couple of years. I have pretty much learned from just doing my pre-reqs that my house will not be spotless, my garden will have weeds in it, and that I will miss get togethers with friends and family, and I am okay with that. I am sure both my husband and I will get stressed and I am sure there will be arguments, as there were during pre-reqs (taking Micro, A&P 2, and Chem all in one quarter was a really good test of how things will go) but we will make it work.

I hope the you can get counseling and that everything works out for you. Just remember that he has to be willing to put just as much time and energy into fixing your relationship as you are. Best of luck!

twigszoo · Aug 7, 2013

I am about to start nursing school in about three weeks, so I dont really have much of a plan of action yet. I work part time (and plan on continuing to do so) and my boyfriend goes to school and works part time. We also live together. I'm trying to organize things as much as possible right now (which is difficult with a boyfriend who wants to just throw his clothes on the floor:sarcastic:) and make some meals/snacks I can freeze and pull out as needed in the semester. I've talked to him and our room mate (our best friend) about how hard nursing school is, and I dont really think anybody really believes me. I keep getting the "I'm sure you'll have some time to do stuff on the weekends or something" response from them. Which is frustrating but I hope when school comes around and they see how much I am not around to just go out to bars or whatever with them they will get the idea.

I'm also trying to find a desk/table on craigslist I can set up in the living room, since we usually stick to our own rooms--We are broke college students with no living room furniture anyway. My boyfriend is well...like a little kid and kind of needs my constant attention so I'm hoping having my own personal working space will help me concentrate better. If that doesnt work I suppose the nearest Panera or Starbucks will have to do!

I would suggest you seek counseling with your husband. A lot of schools, even community colleges, have some psychologists on hand and you can make couples therapy appointments with them, free of charge.

LoriRNCM, ADN, ASN, RN · Aug 7, 2013

I am about to start nursing school in about three weeks, so I dont really have much of a plan of action yet. I work part time (and plan on continuing to do so) and my boyfriend goes to school and works part time. We also live together. I'm trying to organize things as much as possible right now (which is difficult with a boyfriend who wants to just throw his clothes on the floor:sarcastic:) and make some meals/snacks I can freeze and pull out as needed in the semester. I've talked to him and our room mate (our best friend) about how hard nursing school is, and I dont really think anybody really believes me. I keep getting the "I'm sure you'll have some time to do stuff on the weekends or something" response from them. Which is frustrating but I hope when school comes around and they see how much I am not around to just go out to bars or whatever with them they will get the idea.
I'm also trying to find a desk/table on craigslist I can set up in the living room, since we usually stick to our own rooms--We are broke college students with no living room furniture anyway. My boyfriend is well...like a little kid and kind of needs my constant attention so I'm hoping having my own personal working space will help me concentrate better. If that doesnt work I suppose the nearest Panera or Starbucks will have to do!
I would suggest you seek counseling with your husband. A lot of schools, even community colleges, have some psychologists on hand and you can make couples therapy appointments with them, free of charge.

I feel for ya, I wouldn't wanna undergo this journey with the temptation of my roomates going out having fun! Stick to your guns. But I wanted to mention that you also have an option of staying at the school after class to study, and also your public library. Good luck!