Skip to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.
allnurses

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Discussion

Management Personality Thoughts

I am having a hard time thinking of exactly how to start this thread, so I am just going to tell my story and see where it leads.

Every since I started working I have always been sort of ushered into management positions of some sort. When I was young it was supervisor of burger and custard joint. Being 16 I didn't fair well. I was told I was "too focused on my own job and not watching others". Ok duly noted, because even at 16 I had a penchant for making lists in my head to beat myself up about later.

Next job at 17 I was made lead clerk at a large chain video store and eventually went on to Assistant Manager of another store in the chain. Fast forward six months and the $19,500/yr my manager had promised me had become too much of a burden on the ailing chain and I was ousted for a person willing to do the same sixty hours a week for $13,500.

While I was floundering around in the chasm that can sometimes be the uneducated early twenties I went on to work at a grocery store. Sure enough after about three months I was working the customer service desk, then on to shift managing the cashiers a few nights a week. This job went pretty well as basically I just had to keep a few rowdy sixteen year old baggers under my thumb and count the drawers before I left.

On to waitressing during school where I was Lead Server and supervised our expansive Sunday brunch every week. Sadly enough I opened and closed the doors on that fine dining establishment after three years there. Luckily it didn't go under until I was just about to graduate from school.

As I came out of school I had it in my head that "I am an ADN, there will be no management in my future until I push my education further." Well that didn't last long. My first nursing job was only about seven months before I moved states to be with my husband. About a year into my current job I was given the opportunity to do charge nursing a few shifts a month. This quickly became every shift I worked and I was fine with it. Unfortunately it has basically dismantled a friendship I made when I started. This friend of mine was my preceptor. With several years of experience under her wings she gladly took me in and made me feel safe. We had fun, we worked well together (so I thought) and hung out on occasion on off days.

She promoted me to become charge nurse and helped me learn the ropes. I caught on quickly and was soon receiving praise from house supervisors and my manager alike. This is where the fine crack in our rock of a friendship really began to show through. I felt at every turn she was attempting to undermine me, belittle me, pick at my confidence as a nurse, person and co-worker. For the past year and half I have been slowly battling with myself on how to manage the situation. I have tried sit down discussions with her, which work for a short time, before the situation reverts back to the old way.

I currently just schedule myself away from her (which is easy when you only work three days a week) and have requested of my manager that I not be in charge on days that I work with her. This seems to give her the control over the floor and she tends to leave me alone a bit more.

So what is the point of all this blabber you are thinking?

Well as you can read my personality has always seemed to lead me to management positions of some sort. So the storm is rising on the fragile plain again as a new management position arises. One step above charge, just a step below unit manager. I have been approached for the position in casual conversation as the nuts and bolts of the job are still in developement.

My conflict lies in the classic "newbie gets promoted over others with more experience". I am flattered and excited for this opportunity to progress in my career, even a little step, as I prepare to return to school to further my education, but I keep thinking "what about the others?"

I am having a hard time swallowing the idea that there will be people who will not like the idea of me in this position, in particular my one time friend, especially since this is a position she wants as well.

I have worked hard this past year to break down natural walls that I have, to become a better co-worker, to become a better team member, to become part of progress, not regression and lateral violence.

My question I guess in the end is how do you manage? Manage the conflicts of supervising your peers, of managing people who have years of experience on you, of moving forward when there are people who want to sink your feet in cement and drop you in the bay?

I trust my manager, she knows my concerns, and luckily this position is still in the works and will not go live for some time.

Thanks for reading as there are multiple stories in here I have been needing to express for quite some time.

Tait

  • Quote

    • Featured Replies

    I have come to believe and understand that no one looks out for you ...but YOU. Make decisions that YOU want--not because someone else wants them for you.

    If this is the case (YOU want this)...then go for it!

    you can't please everyone all of the time---the person that was your preceptior is NO friend of yours....probably never was ...

  • Quote

    Tait, pal...

    Listen to Otessa, she's right. I have 20+ year pals from my past career, whom I can call once in a while and say "whassup". This person you know perhaps has not grown emotionally to understand how to have a good relationship with someone who is a coworker or a boss. Sad for her. I see myself as an equal intellectually with other nurses/physicans etc. The only difference is years of experience and perhaps choice of profession.

    Tait, you are good people. You've done what you can and that is all you can do.

  • Quote
    • Experts

    As you were perhaps too nice to say in your OP, other people see you as having leadership qualities. That's a good thing. But leadership positions are difficult, stressful, and maybe not for you. Only you can decide if the difficulties and sacrifices required by leadeship positions are thing you want to include in your life.

    If you are interested in pursuing this latest leadership opportunity, you would probably benefit from taking your learning needs seriously. Don't plan on just "on the job" learning ... go to some workshops, take some online classes, read some articles and books, etc. Be prepared for the day when you might be required to go back to school for a BSN if you want to stay in leadership: that happens. They are satisfied with your ADN now, but will they remain satisfied?

    Network with the other people in your facility in leadership positions and develop a group relationships with them that will provide you with the support you will need to be successful. Recognize that you will probably have to leave some of your old friends behind (at least in some ways). That's part of the territory.

    Does that sound like something you want to do? Are you interested enough in the actual work that you would do in that position to make that extra work and a few personal sacrifices worth it? If so, then the new position may be right for you. If not, then there is no law that says you have to advance your career in that way.

  • Quote
    • Author

    Llg,

    I am currently getting ready, July 19th!, to start my ADN bridge to MSN in Clinical Education. I have always been drawn to teaching, but as of the past few days I have started to think more about management.

    It reminds me of my first job when I came in for orientation. There was a girl working the drive-thru and I kept thinking "I could never do that!". Within three months it was pretty much the only position I was assigned to. I feel that way about management at the moment, but as I was walking out of work this morning I kept thinking: "How would it feel to be the CNO and really know and understand what it feels like to be on the other side of the coin on the floor?" Silly and frivolous maybe, but completely out there? Not so much...

    I have some hurdles to overcome, but the options opening up are very exciting to me. Exciting enough to ruffle a few, or a lot, of feathers on the way!

    Tait

  • Quote
    I have some hurdles to overcome, but the options opening up are very exciting to me. Exciting enough to ruffle a few, or a lot, of feathers on the way!

    Tait

    Seems you have answered your own concerns with these few sentences. You only get one shot at life. Live it to the fullest and never let anyone stop your dreams - you may not get another chance.

    Good luck to you

  • Quote

    This is my take on it...

    Talk to her, remind her that the fact that you both covet the same position is no insult to her or you...it is a career choice PERIOD. So, you both want it - but beyond that it is out of your hands. The bosses decide and somebody gets the job.

    Bottom line is that unless she is a mature nurse she will be offended and your relationship harmed. Or if she is a mature nurse and one of you is promoted into a position of authority over the other and that very much limits the relationship you may have with her. Sounds like this friendship has an expiration date.

    I hope you get the job.

  • Quote

    There are some people who are simply born leaders, and it sounds as though you are such a person. That's a wonderful characteristic. But every gift or quality has a downside, and leaders - especially in management roles - have to be prepared to deal with isolation, anger, jealousy, and hostility.

    I firmly agree with llg that you should refine and train your gift; without a better understanding of management and leadership, your natural abilities will be trapped within the constraints of ignorance, like a vein of gold within rock. With education, you'll be able to temper and hone your innate ability. You've served as an effective leader without education - think how much better you will be with all that additional knowledge at your command!

    One thing I have learned through experience: you may lead from any position. You don't have to be management to lead - in fact, sometimes natural leaders function more effectively outside the management system. That's not to say you shouldn't take the new position you're considering. That's your call, and only you know whether the position is right for you at this moment in time. Just be aware that your leadership qualities won't go to waste if you don't take the job. The best example of a leader I ever found was a coworker of mine who ended up quietly serving as a sort of shadow-manager or example to the rest of us. He was terrific at his job, was an excellent consensus-builder, and went out of his way to nurture the talents of new or younger staff members. He never served as a manager in that workplace, but he was a natural, and he was a huge help to the rest of the staff. Upper management came to rely on him, as the actual manager was awful.

    Leaders are needed at all levels. Your leadership gift will help you no matter what type of job you take (or decline), so don't worry about squandering your abilities by deciding against another management job. However, don't let your sometime friend push you away from seeking a job that is genuinely appealing to you. If the friendship cannot weather a minor promotion, it had inherent weaknesses that would have caused it to crack eventually anyway. Please don't let the fear of her displeasure dissuade you from moving into a management role you would otherwise wholeheartedly pursue.

  • Quote

    First, I can understand your feelings about management spots finding you. This is similar to my story in that regard with certain jobs I have had.

    Second, it is going to feel awkward, but take what you get, as long as you are comfortable for it. Other nurses with other personality traits may stand out as 'not management' material- no matter their experience level. This has nothing to do with you. Your descriptions of her resentments and passive aggressiveness prove that she should NOT be in that spot!!!

    If you genuinely do not want to spot, then obviously don't take it.. but if you want it- and I personally think you sound like you would be good at it!!

    BTW- I was JUST thinking about something along these lines today, this is why I decided to give a response...

    It seems like they do all have a 'certain' personality... :) ... Different than in other fields, tho!

    I do not think I fit into management material at a hospital, at all.. :) :clown:

    Good Luck!!! TAKE the spot!:yeah:

  • Quote

    I may be totally pessimistic in my point of view--but overall, nursing is a dog eat dog world...nobody strives to protect anyone, ever! So, I say, if you want that job, you go get it...because no matter how nice that other person is in street clothes, hunny, in scrubs, she's a totally different person, and she would do the same thing!

  • Quote

    People can be so jealous over others success. You do what makes YOU happy!! My husband is also a born leader.....Im finding that I am too, but, Ive had to overcome a lot of fears and insecurities to get there.

  • Quote

    • Join the conversation

    You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

    Guest
    Add a Comment
    Go to topic listing

    Currently Reading 0

    • No registered users viewing this page.

    Account

    Navigation

    Search

    Search

    Configure browser push notifications
    Chrome (Android)
    1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
    2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
    3. Adjust your preference.
    Chrome (Desktop)
    1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
    2. Select Site settings.
    3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.