Making friends during nursing school / losing friends?

TNT365 · Jun 19, 2013

I have worried about the same thing. Me and my friends that I grew up with dont really talk that much now. They dont understand my career so it is hard for them to relate to me. I do believe that has to do with growing up and maturing. We start going down different paths, especially with raising our family. I dont have time for my friends as I am working fulltime, going to school for nursing and I am currently homeschooling my two boys. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and will always be there (when time permits) but as of right now I am raising my family and bettering myself. As far as talking to someone about the things you are going through, try to engage your boyfriend or family (even though, they might not understand either).

2bEQNurse14 · Jun 19, 2013

I have just started my program and I can completely relate with you. You just have to remember that you are at a different point in your life than your friends. How many are in college, and if they are, what are their majors? Classes in psychology and culture can be time consuming and/or challenging, but do not compare to a first semester med surg course with lecture, lab, clinical, plus all of the time outside the classroom. My fiancé has his masters in special education, and he openly tells me that he never once had a stressful class in his life. He said most of the stresses during his undergrad was how he was going to get beer at 20 :)

Rely on the people around you. Your boyfriend and parents will be super valuable resources while you are in school. My mother even takes coffee runs with me at night and that's our 20 min to talk, catch up on everything, and for me to update her on school.

As far as friends at school go, I have met some of my BEST friends during school. That's not always the case with everybody, you just have to see what happens.

dawniepoo · Jun 19, 2013

I'm almost done with school and I never really see my pre-nursing school friends. You are right in that they really don't get it, but I have made a new set of friends in school, and yes, there is a bond. I never would have made it this far without them.

ames86 · Jun 19, 2013

Am halfway through my program and I really haven't made any good friends. The ones I was getting close to have had to quit or failed. Not that there aren't great people in my class. I noticed the ones who have time to do the study groups and hang out in the weekends are really good friends. I have a husband and kids on top of a part-time job. I really have a hard time getting to study groups or any other activity.

Kittythestudentnurse · Jun 19, 2013

Before school started, I warned my boyfriend, friends and family about how time consuming nursing school would be and that I likely wouldn't see much of them. My boyfriend and friends gave me a really hard time about not making time for them and it was really stressful. I definitely bonded with a few ppl at school because we understand each other so well. Ppl who aren't in nursing school don't get it. I've drifted apart from pre-nursing school friends. I was quite upset by their lack of support.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Jun 19, 2013

This is a natural part of the maturation process. As you move ahead, your path will diverge from people who have chosen other paths. Undoubtedly the only reason you made those friends in the first place was because you shared common experiences such as attending the same classes or social events. Now that you're in nursing school, you have more shared experiences with other nursing students and other friends will move into "acquaintance" mode because you are no longer very close. This is going to happen throughout your life. You will make (& lose) friendships as you change jobs, hobbies, activities or move to a different location.

The (very) few long-term friends I have are all from my early days as a nurse... I can jump right into a comfortable conversation with them at any time even if we haven't had any contact for months. Those early experiences forged a bond that has lasted decades.

As for lack of support from 'outsiders'. Don't blame them. The only people who can really understand what you are going through are your fellow students. (see above - LOL).

Meeh619 · Jun 19, 2013

Ppl don't understand unless they've gone through it!! I haven't started my program (I start this Fall) but I texted my family & they thought I was already in cuz I was doing pre req's. my brother said anyone can register for classes lol. I don't blame them, they think its like any other major that u just take classes then you graduate. My kids & husband understand because they went through the whole stoking the mail man & anxiety attacks process lol.

On the other hand I'm lucky because I've been in or around the medical field for 10yrs. So I have made friends that are Dr, nurses, medic's EMS etc. so they understand!! But u hope to make many good friends during this whole process.

ambitiousBSN · Jun 19, 2013

Ah, a fellow Baltimore nursing student! I'm starting nursing school in the fall as well at Notre Dame of Maryland. Feel free to add me to keep in contact- maybe we can help each other with questions and stuff!

As for friends, I definitely agree. Usually people are intimidated when you say you're a nursing major/student, and then it's all about studying and they think you're crazy because you don't go out on the weekends because you have an exam to study for, or better yet- a chapter to read and highlight with a dose of flash cards on the side. :smug: Sadly, I actually drifted apart from my best friend of 15+ years. Obviously things change in a friendship, but I also attribute that to the fact I was always busier with school and the process of applying to the nursing program. She wasn't even there for me when I was rejected, but thankfully I had friends and family to congratulate and support me when I was finally accepted to a program back in January.

I've definitely found that I'm closer to the girls I've met since I transferred to Notre Dame. There's definitely a bond between nursing students, and I hope it's true that we'll meet our best friends in nursing school and beyond. I'd like to think I've already met two of my best friends and we're all starting nursing school together in the fall. I'm also becoming a tad close to a transfer nursing student (who is also on this board- ironically!), so I'm excited to see our friendships become closer while slowly dying in nursing school! :roflmao:

LoriRNCM, ADN, ASN, RN · Jun 19, 2013

The closest friends you have will be like family in life, and that means the good with the bad, the ups and the downs. Anyone who doesn't stick by you during this process isn't that good of a friend to begin with. I worry more about my Mom once I start my program in August because she will put more pressure on me than anyone to take every phone call, be home (and not too busy studying) when she wants to "drop by". She is 74 now so she gets pouty when her five kids' lives don't revolve around her! But she is still here with me and I appreciate that, so if I make exceptions to the rule of "No social life during nursing school", it will be for her or my two grown kids who I don't see often enough as it is.

thejadedmonkey · Jun 19, 2013

...
How was your relationship with current friends during nursing school?
Did you meet any long term friends in nursing school?
Did you lose any friends while in school?
Did you find your friends supportive or not really caring too much?
If you would like to share anything else it would be appreciated!

How was your relationship with current friends during nursing school?

Did you lose any friends while in school?

Did you find your friends supportive or not really caring too much?

I'll answer all three of these together.

As others in the thread have stated, nursing school is a huge time sink for most people. For me, I found that my friendships based on "having fun together" (i.e.- drinking buddies, fellow hobby enthusiasts, etc.) seriously suffered. Those groups of friends just continued making merry minus my participation, and while an open invite for me was always there, I never seemed to have the free time to accept it. This definitely led to us drifting apart as I found myself no longer "in" on inside jokes. When the group laughed over their most recent shared experiences, I was left grasping at second-hand accounts of the action. We were all still on good terms, but we were no longer close.

I knew some nursing students who were a little bitter/upset that their friends had fun "without them" or felt they weren't being supportive, but I disagree with this line of thinking. Some experiences defy anyone's ability to accurately portray them with mere language; I believe nursing school is one such experience.

Even if nursing school isn't particularly difficult for you, trying to explain what it's like to watch a patient pass on or the warm feeling in your stomach when you really touch someone's life is pretty much a futile endeavor. Either you've been there and you get it, or you don't. This is one of the hallmarks of entering a profession, where your knowledge and skills elevate you to a position where only your peer group can truly, 100% understand where you're coming from. I believe this is true of any profession (law enforcement, engineers, PR reps, you name it!), and incidentally, one of the big draws of a site like allnurses.com.

Friendships that ran deeper than a mutual enjoyment of each other's company survived because the bond was strong enough to withstand my drought of free time.

Did you meet any long term friends in nursing school?

Definitely! Spending half my week with the same group of study mates night in and night out gave everyone a chance to forge some iron-clad friendships with each other. The competitive nature of my nursing program also let me know who really had my back and who didn't. Nursing school is filled with adversity, and helping each other through it all brought everyone closer together in a pretty unique and amazing way.

ixchel · Jun 19, 2013

I am older than most of my fellow classmates, and I am the only one with kids. I didn't really have many close friends before hand, but I am married and I will say I do have awkward moments with my husband where I feel like what I am saying must be going in one ear and out the other. I have reached a point where I don't talk as much about school stuff, and I think it hurts his feelings. Before getting in the program, he would help me study for pre-reqs. Now that I'm in, if I am going to study with someone, it needs to be someone that I don't have to explain everything to. It needs to be someone who can debate priorities with me, stuff like that. How do you explain that to someone else without making them think you believe they're stupid? Yeah, we had a rough patch about that. I had to gently explain that I've been learning this by sitting in the classes and reading the textbooks. That doesn't make him stupid. It just means that he hasn't been sitting in the same classes and reading the same books. *sigh* Yes, relationships do change.