So I recently transferred to ICU from a med surg floor. I absolutely love ICU. I have learned so much and I really love being able to focus on my 1-2 patients. I feel I really know my patient from head to toe.
So today was my first death. I know you can't save them all but something about her death really disturbed me. She came in with a mesenteric arterial bleed that was emergently repaired in the OR on Tuesday. Against everyone's expectations she was still alive today. The surgeon did not think she would make it through the night Tuesday let alone until today. So she returned to OR for a wash out/ debridement this morning. They found that her entire bowel was dead. The surgeon told the family there was nothing more we could do and end of life care was initiated. The patient had been on a fentanyl drip and was resting calmly before and after surgery. She was on high dose pressors and intubated. We asked the family to step out to pull the ET tube and we also turned her pressors off at that time. As soon as we pulled the ET tube the patient began to moan and stated "it hurts so bad, it hurts, it hurts." I medicated her with prn morphine and ativan and called the family back in to say their goodbyes. She died about 15 minutes later.
I can't get over what her last words were. My heart breaks for her. I hate to think she was in this much pain the whole time she was intubated. She always seemed to be comfortable. It seems obvious to me now that this wasn't the case. I hate that she suffered so much. I just hope she didn't die in pain.
