Losing patients you are close to...vent

merlee · Feb 4, 2011

Many of us have lost patients we were fond of and close to. As a home health nurse, it is easy to become closer than you realize to your patients.

Last year I went to a funeral for a patient I hadn't seen in TWO years. The family asked the doc (who knew me personally) to call me, and he did.

Every visitation or funeral I have gone to has been a blessing; I am filled with warmth when the family hugs and kisses me, and is genuinely pleased to see me.

We touch lives in ways we may never know, and we are touched by many as well.

Take care of yourself, know that you are appreciated, continue to do your good work.

Not just the OP, but everyone who reads this.

Best wishes!

OldNurseEducator · Feb 4, 2011

Great post! What a wonderful, compassionate person you are. :heartbeat

iNurseUK, RN · Feb 4, 2011

Same in Oncology. Patients come in for cycle after cycle of chemo and we get to know them and their families really well.

When the chemo is working we all rejoice but when it isn't and a patient goes downhill and the cancer progresses it is upsetting for us all as we adjust to palliative care and the realisation that nothing more can be done.

When that happens we have to change mental gear from cure to care and it is all you can do.

JenniferSews · Feb 5, 2011

My entire unit needed this post this week. It's been a tough one even when you work in a place where death is an expected part of their stay. You have to give a piece of your heart to do the job well, but the pain isn't easy.

I'm lighting a candle for the beautiful souls we are saying goodbye to this week.

nurse grace RN, BSN · Feb 5, 2011

Thank you for all that you did for the souls you lost and for what you continue to do. I know your compassion and caring for these very special patients is a wonderful gift from you to them. You are doing God's work, I admire you! You make me proud of our profession. I know it hurts very much to lose a patient that you have grown close to, but remember what wonderful care you provided and the difference you made in their life and hopefully that can give you some comfort.

Mrs. Sparkle Pants · Feb 5, 2011

I just lost my first client :crying2: , so I understand where you are coming from. It's impossible not to get emotionally invested when you put so much of yourself in your work. I'm sorry you're having a rough week!

saucychaucy · Feb 5, 2011

Been a stressful couple of weeks at work. We've suffered some losses of beautiful people recently. I deal with patients who get LVAD's as well as other cardiac surgeries. I chose the patient population because I love working with these people. Trying to help people achieve a better life, doing the best you can for them. And I love heart patients....for some reason this population is my favorite. I love the challenges they present...well, honestly everything about them.
Been a nurse for a while now...I've lost lots of patients over the years. But these past couple of weeks have been particularly hard. I work at a place that does procedures only a few hospitals in the country will do. So of course,we get some of the sickest patients imaginable. I work with docs who I think are unbelievable....recognized as world leaders with some of these patients. And while they become upset when they lose a patient, I don't think it's quite the same for nurses.
We are the ones who helps these patients figure out how to return to life. We are the ones at the bedside, struggling to keep them alive, to help them achieve the best quality of life possible. We see the patients for 12 hours a day, sometimes more..the doc or PA sees them for less than 5 minutes. We share in the patient's fears, concerns...hold their hands when their scared. We sit and talk with them when they can't sleep, try to make them comfortable. My job as a nurse is a profession...I am educated and continue to seek more education to improve the care I can deliver. The harder part of my job is that it is one of COMPASSION......these couple of patients got a big part of my heart. And it's bleeding a bit in the memory of those wonderful people who have gone.
Don't get me wrong...I LOVE what I do...have loved it for a long time and plan on being in this profession for another 20 years or so. I also recognize it can be hard to do what we do....we give so much, so often. So I guess, I'm asking for others to take a moment to remember those we've cared for who've touched our lives in so many ways...to observe a moment of silence in their memory. Remember that while docs may get all the glory, it takes a NURSE to touch a life in such a way. As my patient's wife said to me: "My husband was always so glad when you were working, you meant a lot to him." Time for me to reflect, shed some tears and remember some great patients. Thanks for reading...

Thank you for sharing! I have hospice or oncology at heart even as a pre-nursing student, and when i read posts like yours it touches my heart and reinforces my goals. Thank you for being there for our families!

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2011

dear highlandlass1592

we all could tell stories re patients we have lost. this is an aspect of nursing no-one likes to face, but unfortunately it is part of our job. i think nurses are stronger than what they believe.

i was thinking i used to attend a memorial service we had every 6 months on our hospice ward for all our patients. it was so nice seeing all the families turn up, we would catch up on what had been happening and reminisce. it really helped people heal. could you start something like that on your ward maybe? many family members of loved ones who had died used to bring along food for the occasion, their small way of saying thank you. it used to be a really sad, but nice day.

you also need to take time for yourself to reminisce re your patients. i write a diary personally, it helps get out all the feelings i have inside and sometimes there's no-one else around who doesn't understand what we are going through. it's important to do some reflection after someone has passed away.

hope you feel better soon :)

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2011

In my heart, I have a little box, and in it is a collection of souls. In it are people like the man I'll call "paratrooper." He was with us over a month, as he fought to get off the vent and get well enough to go home. The last night I had him, he was doing so well and I thought maybe we'd gotten him to the point where we could get him out of ICU. He told me he wanted a orange, a fresh orange. Needless to say, you can't find that at 3 am in a rural ICU, but I got a cup of orange juice and swabbed his mouth with the juice. The smile he gave me would have outshown a sun. I came back after 2 days, expecting to hear he was upstairs, and I could visit at the end of my shift. Instead, he'd thrown a huge MI; his heart simply couldn't take the chemo and the surgeries anymore. I kept my crap together until I got half way home the next morning, pulled over, and bawled my eyes out.

In that box are other souls with other stories...."Matchmaker," the little lady who called all of us "Doll" and told us she was going to set us up with her son, cause she was going to leave him "loaded." Her son had passed years before, and we all gracefully played along as she played "matchmaker." "Toughie," who looked like he'd been a rough character in his day, and the last thing he asked me was to make sure his wife got home okay when he passed, "since I won't be there to pull the truck out of the ditch this time..." And there is "Singer," the man who's life was the choir at his church, and he passed from this world with my iTouch playing "Shelter Me O God" in his ear. I swear I thought him hum.

We carry all these things with us, all of us with our little boxes with those we've loved and lost. And sometimes, when the weight of that box seems to get so heavy, and that box seems to be heartbreakingly full, I tell myself that when it's my time to go, and I close my eyes on this life, those that I've help will be there. And I think if it's possible, Paratrooper will be there to offer me his arm and lead me to the gate, Matchmaker will say, "Petey, be a love and open the Gate for Doll, she's got to meet my son," and if it's necessary, Toughie will be there to pick the lock.