letter to potential ER employer...please read and critique! Thanks

[Trilldayz,RN BSN]

Below is my email to a potential employer in the ER for the hospital that I work at. This my ABSOLUTE first choice and competition for the preceptorship program in this area is STIFF!!!!!!!!! It's a big hospital in the Texas Med. Center. I wanted to tell her my positives and really let her know how much I think I "fit". (By the way, mentioned in this letter below is the TIPS program. This is basically a Student Nurse internship that prepares selected students and integrates them into this hospital and other hospital and clinic affiliates. We get priority in employment after graduation and we are titled Nurse Technicians) Let me know what you think. Suggestions, ideas, or changes are greatly appreciated!Good Morning Ms. XXX. My name is Trilldayz,SN and I was referred to you by one of the Nurse Managers in the Emergency Department at XXX. I am a Nurse Technician 2 that is attending XXX University in XYZ, Texas. I will be graduating with my BSN this May. I am a Harris County Hospital Disrtict Transition Into Practice (TIPS) member, under the direction of Ms.XXX. I work in the Emergency Room at XXX when I am off from school and I have really enjoyed my various experiences and the staff has been a pivotal role in my learning. I've really grown to love this unit and I am very comfortable with what goes on; it's "home" to me. I enjoy learning about critical care and trauma. I have a very strong interest in Emergency Nursing and I would appreciate if I could possibly be considered for an Graduate ER Nurse Preceptorship position for Spring 2011. By graduation, I will already be certified with both A.C.L.S. and P.A.L.S. certifications, through my university. I will be also be T.N.C.C. educated and prepared, but not certified, due to my lack of RN licensure. But I plan on becoming certified as soon as I am licensed. I have training in EKGs, IVs, phlebotomy, wound care,etc. Also, my 2 year nurse tech experience in this ED has given me invaluable insight of the role and responsibilities of the Registered Nurse in this aspect of Nursing. I believe that I can be a good fit to the ED team, as evidenced by the ED staff's strong positive references of my work ethic and willingness to learn. If there is anybody else that could give me any direction and/or advice as to how to get to my goal, your help would be greatly appreciated. Even if it's just remembering my name :-) .Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.Sincerely,Trilldayz,SN

[Trilldayz,RN BSN]

Thanks you all for your changes! And GHgoon, I was told that she is who I need to talk to regarding this opportunity. But just in case she happens to know anyone else who can help me, she could refer me to them. Even if it's just remembering me when the mass flood of applications come in. I'm just nervous because my GPA will probably be a 3.0- 3.2 by the time I graduate and for the winter internships, 35 people were hired out of 400+ applicants, throughout the hospital.(and maybe less than 5 were ER folks. I need a prayer LOL

[PedsAtHeart, LPN]

I disagree with that. That would make it very cumbersome and clunky. PALS and ACLS are such well-known abbreviations in critical care nursing, I don't think it's necessary to spell them out.

Maybe so, but, as I said, that is how I was taught. Spell everything out, especially in a professional letter.

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

Thanks you all for your changes! And GHgoon, I was told that she is who I need to talk to regarding this opportunity. But just in case she happens to know anyone else who can help me, she could refer me to them. Even if it's just remembering me when the mass flood of applications come in. I'm just nervous because my GPA will probably be a 3.0- 3.2 by the time I graduate and for the winter internships, 35 people were hired out of 400+ applicants, throughout the hospital.(and maybe less than 5 were ER folks. I need a prayer LOL

See my original post, I've just re-edited it.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

I think it would be fine to abbreviate PALS and ACLS, but I would refrain from using contractions. I agree with Klone in that writing out these well known professional certifications would be cumbersome to the reader. If she were applying for a non-medical position, then it would be appropriate to write it out.

[Southern Magnolia]

below are my suggestions . . .

my name is trilldayz,sn and i was referred to you by one of the nurse managers in the emergency department at xxx. i am a nurse technician 2 that is attending xxx university in xyz, texas. i will be graduating with my bsn this may. at this point i would go right into the point of writing. this person is busy and may get bogged down in all your qualifications. i would appreciate if i could possibly be considered for an graduate er nurse preceptorship position for spring 2011. what you wrote is fine but be more direct. omit "could possibly".

i would then go into your history with the unit. make it more like a story for this part. "i currently work in the er through the tips program under the direction of . . . my experience in this department has been pivotable . . . i feel at home in the department.

then get back to why you are writing. "i feel i am qualified for this position because . . ." obviously you should do more here and what you wrote is fine. just pull it together.

i would then offer my qualifications and trainings in another paragraph, in bullet point below, or i would attach a resume. the way you have it the qualifications break up the personal elements.

i would condense each paragraph to the three main points i want to get across. save something for the interview:) also, the part where you said you don't have some certification because you aren't an rn yet needs a positive spin. "i have already completed xyz education and will be certified in xyz on x date."

just my two cents . . . good luck.

edited to give a disclaimer - i am just a ns, but i do have a b.a. in english. i suck at gramma though. my suggestions are more regarding the flow of the letter.

[chorkle]

it's and its--

my own condensed explanation:

The apostrophe stands for, or indicates, smth. missing.

Therefore, if "its" means "it is", use "it's". It's time to go, e.g. Or, It's not right, that he should do that.

In all other cases, use "its", including possessive. Its [a group, perhaps] task was to evaluate the proposal.

(You cannot write, "It's task was to evaluate the proposal," for that means, "It is task was to . . ," which makes no sense at all.)

HTH, or,

HTWHBE (Hope this will have been entertaining)

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I intended my post to mean - spell it out.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Right, the apostrophe was used correctly, but for formal letters, you should write out the word, rather than use a contraction.

(before I was a nurse, I was a professional proofreader/editor)

[NurseInTexas12]

i think it's a great idea to contact the ed manager and to be proactive, but getting an er job in the texas med center is highly competitive, so your letter needs to be strong. i would revise your letter to be more concise and professional. proper grammar, avoiding sentence fragments, not starting sentences with "but," and not selling yourself short with statements like even if it's just to remember my name are vital steps. i love writing, so i just wrote another version of your letter that you could use. it includes all of the pertinent information you listed, but i think it flows more smoothly. hope it helps! remember that written communication is an important nursing skill, so taking it seriously is very important. best of luck with getting the position!

ms. x,

my name is trilldayz, sn, and i was encouraged to contact you by one of the nurse managers in the emergency department at x. i will be completing my bsn from university x in may, and i am interested in pursuing a career in emergency nursing following graduation.

there are several steps i have taken to help prepare me to be an ed nurse. i work as a nurse technician 2 at x hospital in the ed, and i participate in the harris county hospital district transition into practice (tips) program. my work experience in the ed has been positive, and i make daily efforts to soak up knowledge from the experienced staff around me and learn how to be a strong team member. i will be acls and pals certified by may, and i have studied tncc. i am comfortable with ekg interpretation, iv placement, phlebotomy, wound care, and other basic nursing skills.

i am confident that i would be a good fit for the graduate er nurse preceptorship at x hospital, and i would welcome the opportunity to further speak with you about this position. i appreciate you taking time out of your day for me.

thank you,

trilldayz, sn

[Trilldayz,RN BSN]

Aww! I'm sooo happy for EVERYBODY'S help! A BIG thank you to all!!!! You all rock!

[Trilldayz,RN BSN]

UPDATE: Ben Taub didn't upgrade me to RN status.... I WAS HURT! But right when I was really down, I got a call from Bayshore, who saw my resume/ new cover letter and was interested in me for their Critical Care RN position! (They called me!! How cool is that?! That almost never happens.) Its a 6 month residency for both IMU and ICU. It's not ER, but I will Totally take any critical care position (heck these days, I will be happy with anything!!) Well, I went to the interview, NAILED IT, and now I was offered the position yesterday!.

[Medic09, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Congratulations. ICU may even be a better start for your eventual goal. ED nurses need a lot of ICU skills, but not all the time. We tend to get rusty with ICU setups, then find ourselves needing those very skills with a patient who will be boarding with us for lack of ICU beds. You will never regret having good ICU skills, even if you do move to ED later on.