Lesbian L and D nurse

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

Sorry folks I had a little problem when a previous post. I was try to say how many and men are more similar than different, I did not quote properly so I will try it again. Thanks for your patience in advance.

AudreyHurston I have had many gay and lesbian providers working for me in capacities ranging from C.N.A. to specialty department head and I can tell you that I have had very, very few sexual orientation based problems. Even when they did know the orientation of a provider, I can count on one hand the number of times someone made it an issue. Many minorities (racial, ethnic, orientation, religious) that have worked for me have told me they feel they have to be at their very best to dispel stereotypes.

As for many of the requests, I typically denied them. Which was well within my rights and comfort level. How do I know what orientation a staff member has? I always offered the patient an alternative facilities phone number because there was no guarantee their request would be granted at the other facility either. So I told them to call first. The requests usually were not practical either because it could be difficult bringing extra staff in when they were not scheduled to work.

"Just for the record, in dealing with human beings in general, although I haven't done any sociological/psychological studies, I would say that 98% or more, of lesbians do not look at women constantly as sexual objects in the way that men are socialized to do so. Neither our sex drive nor our socialization make us the same as a man. This comment is just for educational purposes not a problem with your opinion as I fear your perspective is the norm and not the exception."

Based on studies as well as a great deal of experience working with all types of people I would say males and females are much more similar than most people will admit too. They both have very wide variations in their sexuality. Many men do not have high libidos and many women are not sexually passive, those are old stereotypes. Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are as equally diverse as heterosexuals. Both genders are visually stimulated but in slightly different ways.

I find women and men are equally vulgar if they feel they can get away with it without consequences. I have heard many female "professionals" make very inappropriate remarks and laugh about male patients genitals. They thought they could get away with it because I am a woman too. I have terminated several for inappropriate sexual contact with patients. A long time ago I fired a nurse for "flicking" a male patient. You older nurses will not what I am talking about. My point is the older I have gotten the more I realize Adam and Eve are very similar. Yes, I have been cared by male providers through the years and have not had a problem with any of them. I have found them very professional and respectful.

Many decades ago I remember being in a management staff meeting when the Chairmen said that he would not hire any gay men as care providers. Since they were male and gay, he thought they would be some sort of super-sexual predators that could not control their urges against the helpless patients! I quickly pointed out the fact that he already had gay male employees on staff! I also reminded him that the very fact he could not tell who they were meant that his policy was nonsense! He then asked me for their names so he could fire them. I just laughed at him and left the room. I am glad those days are over!

AudreyHurston don't be afraid to pursue your dreams because of fear. Go for that L&D job! I have the feeling you will excel at it!

rph3664 · Mar 23, 2009

A better question is this...why would you disclose your sexual orientation at a job interview?

I once knew a man who did, and then wondered why nobody would hire him.

True, this was over 20 years ago, but despite being told REPEATEDLY that using job interviews as a soapbox was not a good idea, he continued doing it.

HR personnel have probably seen it all. One of my classmates, who was justifiably blacklisted from getting a job within about 100 miles of our school for reasons I won't go into here, did manage to get an interview and just as the interviewer was about to offer her a job, she pulled out a yo-yo and started playing with it.

DNP, did your male patient belong to a religion or was of a national origin where it was not appropriate for a woman other than his wife to see him naked?

And what is "flicking"? You can PM me if you do not feel it is appropriate to post here.

AudreyHurston · Mar 23, 2009

Thank you so much for the education. I was under the impression (incorrectly apparently) that lesbian behavior was in fact much more similar to a man's in terms of sexualizing women.
I also read some of the other thread's that you have started and you sound like a great person who is extremely passionate about L & D. I have no doubt that you would be a fabulous nurse judging by your passion for this specialty, and the fact that it concerned you enough to even take the time to explore this.
I wish you much success in nursing and I have no doubt that most (if not all) of your patients will see you as a caring nurse who is damn good at her job.
Thanks again

Mom of 3 thank you for your encouragement.

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

I once knew a man who did, and then wondered why nobody would hire him.
True, this was over 20 years ago, but despite being told REPEATEDLY that using job interviews as a soapbox was not a good idea, he continued doing it.
HR personnel have probably seen it all. One of my classmates, who was justifiably blacklisted from getting a job within about 100 miles of our school for reasons I won't go into here, did manage to get an interview and just as the interviewer was about to offer her a job, she pulled out a yo-yo and started playing with it.
DNP, did your male patient belong to a religion or was of a national origin where it was not appropriate for a woman other than his wife to see him naked?
And what is "flicking"? You can PM me if you do not feel it is appropriate to post here.

I was wondering that as well. I had problems communicating with him because he was in a great deal of pain and spoke very broken English. I could tell that he was not able to urinate and was very sick. He was not delusional though so I could not force him to receive treatment. He seemed to fully understand what was happening to him and was very frightened.

If a women went to touch him he would recoil in fear as if by reflex and look down at the floor, never making eye contact. Yet he was very respectful of any of my female staff, always saying ma'am, acknowledging their positions and apologizing to them about his urinary tract problem.

He was absolutely terrified of receiving a foley . When I took him in a room by himself I promised to numb him with lidocaine a few minutes before insertion. I then told him that since it was in emergency, I could perform the procedure with his pants on if he could just unzip. He seemed to like that idea. He unzipped, got himself ready, closed his eyes but was shaking. When I got close to him he cried, zipped up and ran out.

I suspect he may have had been tortured at one time because I saw strange marks near his meatus that looked similar to scars caused by small electric wires. I can't be sure because everything happened very quickly.

You can see why I was so angry with my staff for calling the man names after seeing what I saw and knowing that he died in such terror minutes after he ran from me. The incident did permanently change me. I became much less tolerate of 'male bashing' after that.

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

I sent the "flicking" description to your private mailbox. Goodnight!

rph3664 · Mar 23, 2009

I sent the "flicking" description to your private mailbox. Goodnight!

I read it. Thanks.

As for the man who didn't want women to see him naked, that he was tortured makes perfectly good sense. When I worked in Waterloo, Iowa which has a large Bosnian refugee population, it seemed that all the men had Peyronie's Syndrome, even the young ones. And you just know this was almost certainly inflicted on them by other men.

:cry: :down:

mcs1505 · Mar 23, 2009

I think that if you want to OB, you should. I think there's plenty of room for people of all backgrounds in all specialty areas.

That said, I would be uncomfortable with a lesbian L&D nurse, or a male nurse, or even a gay male nurse. It's just preference. That's not to say I'm going to close my legs and throw a fit, or refuse treatment in an emergency (I once chose a male doctor with a better bedside manner over a rude female doctor to do an exam in the ER). And that's not to say I'm going to go around asking everyone or fishing for information about their sexual orientation.

But it would make me less comfortable. *shrugs*

But plenty of patients don't feel that way.

RochesterRN-BSN, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2009

MCS1505.....yes you are entitled to your opinion but I would put it out there to say that if you are a straight woman and even have an issue with a gay male nurse.....who obviously is not going to even have a remote possibility of looking at you in a sexual way.......that you frankly sound pretty homophobic. It is your right to be so, however don't fool yourself into thinking you are not.

And like a prior post pointed out....having a baby most are thinking about the pain the exhaustion and who the hell cares who sees me just get this baby out and keep us all safe. Period.

Maybe I should decide I am not going to take care of any patients that I know are straight......lol, don't see any gay or lesbian care providers saying that now do you? sorry, don't mean to be nasty but it gets frustrating with straight people thinking that gay and lesbian people are any more sexual then straight people. Guess we better get rid of all the female urologists..... it all just seems so blown out of proportion. Sexual thoughts are left at the door regardless of gender or orientation. And once again there is NOTHING sexual for either party in giving birth.......well I guess I can't speak for every delivering mom, I have seen weird crap on TV about moms getting turned on by contractions!!! God that is weird and gross!!! lol....but on the providers end of it.....nothing sexual about it!!!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 23, 2009

i think that if you want to ob, you should. i think there's plenty of room for people of all backgrounds in all specialty areas.
that said, i would be uncomfortable with a lesbian l&d nurse, or a male nurse, or even a gay male nurse. it's just preference. that's not to say i'm going to close my legs and throw a fit, or refuse treatment in an emergency (i once chose a male doctor with a better bedside manner over a rude female doctor to do an exam in the er). and that's not to say i'm going to go around asking everyone or fishing for information about their sexual orientation.
but it would make me less comfortable. *shrugs*
but plenty of patients don't feel that way.

i'm shocked and astounded! how are you going to know for sure that your nurse is gay? or straight? or maybe even asexual? or are you just going to be comfortable with someone who "looks straight"?

perhaps you can share with me what straight looks like, because i'm sure i don't know. but then, i'm married and not looking for sexual partners, so it i really don't need to know!

and why would you pick and choose among er doctors? if it's an emergency, i'm happy to see a doctor . . . male, female, gay, straight, brusque or gushy. my primary concern is that the physician be competent.

LovebugLPN · Mar 24, 2009

If the OP is not going to run around announcing she is a lesbian why is she here asking if it will be an issue? How will anyone know? Just don't print it on your scrubs or put it in your introduction.

mcs1505 · Mar 24, 2009

i'm shocked and astounded! how are you going to know for sure that your nurse is gay? or straight? or maybe even asexual? or are you just going to be comfortable with someone who "looks straight"?

i said that i wasn't going to ask, but if somehow i knew, it would make me uncomfortable. basically what you don't know can't hurt you? i dunno. it's just the way i feel. i didn't say anything about people "looking straight." geesh.

and why would you pick and choose among er doctors? if it's an emergency, i'm happy to see a doctor . . . male, female, gay, straight, brusque or gushy. my primary concern is that the physician be competent.

well, as i was barely of legal age, still going to a pediatric er, 900 miles away from any family members at the time, and pretty darned embarassed about having gynecological issues...i wasn't exactly in a logical state. you know, when an emergency happens to you, some people tend to get emotional. i'm soooooooo sorry that bothers you so much. i forgot how much more important the doctors and nurses are than the patient. /sarcasm.

mcs1505.....yes you are entitled to your opinion but i would put it out there to say that if you are a straight woman and even have an issue with a gay male nurse.....who obviously is not going to even have a remote possibility of looking at you in a sexual way.......that you frankly sound pretty homophobic. it is your right to be so, however don't fool yourself into thinking you are not.

first of all, does it ever occur to anyone that some patients may have had experiences in their lives that resulted in them not trusting the opposite sex? or not trusting gyn procedures period. i don't like men poking around my genitals, regardless of their orientation. and i don't feel comfortable with a lesbian either. though i'd be more comfortable with a lesbian than a man of any orientation. it's not anything that can be rationalized because it's emotional. obviously i have many issues, but homophobia is not one of them. and my trust will not increase when people continue to treat me like the two of you (and many before you) have.

clearly you enjoy assuming things about people and using labels. for that reason alone i hope i am never in your hospital.

mom-of-3 · Mar 24, 2009

I said that I wasn't going to ask, but if somehow I knew, it would make me uncomfortable. Basically what you don't know can't hurt you? I dunno. It's just the way I feel. I didn't say anything about people "looking straight." Geesh.
Well, as I was barely of legal age, still going to a pediatric ER, 900 miles away from any family members at the time, and pretty darned embarassed about having gynecological issues...I wasn't exactly in a logical state. You know, when an emergency happens to you, some people tend to get emotional. I'm soooooooo sorry that bothers you so much. I forgot how much more important the doctors and nurses are than the patient. /sarcasm.
First of all, does it ever occur to anyone that some patients may have had experiences in their lives that resulted in them not trusting the opposite sex? Or not trusting gyn procedures period. I don't like men poking around my genitals, regardless of their orientation. And I don't feel comfortable with a lesbian either. Though I'd be more comfortable with a lesbian than a man of any orientation. It's not anything that can be rationalized because it's emotional. Obviously I have many issues, but homophobia is not one of them. And my trust will not increase when people continue to treat me like the two of you (and many before you) have.
Clearly you enjoy assuming things about people and using labels. For that reason alone I hope I am never in your hospital.

Oh my Gosh!!! This whole thread is getting completely out of control. A patient is entitled to their opinion as much as anyone else. As nurses it is our job to do no harm and to help as best we can. If a patient is uncomfortable with someone who is caring for them, then that is their choice whether you agree or not.

Not to mention if you are really concerned about your patient then you should remove yourself from their care team if that is what they request. It is about THEM...not YOU.

I think that people really need to get some perspective.

msc1505...i completely agree with you and support your position. And as for the woman who started this post, I think that she just wanted to hear opinions and appreciates honesty. (even if she may have a difference of opinion)