Lesbian L and D nurse

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

Thanks for the response. As you point out, there would be a chance that no one would be aware of the orientation of a particular nurse. I definitely agree with that. However, there are individals who are more free with the way they present themselves. That was more what I was referring to.
And to put it another way...If a patient were uncomfortable with a male doctor (having his hands in areas that are only for their husband)...it should stand to reason that they would also be uncomfortable with a lesbian as well.
If a patient were to know that orientation, as I said before I believe that they would be well within their rights to request a differnt nurse. Just as a male would most likely be more comfortable receiving a prostate exam from another male. And therefore he should be allowed to request a male dr. for that procedure.
P.S. - I am not trying to promote discrimination, I am trying to promote patient rights...as I do feel that there are patients who would not have any problem with this at all.

You would be in your rights to request a heterosexual female nurse. The facility would be in their rights to deny the request or any other request based on orientation, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. As an hospital administrator I denied requests all of the time for many of the reasons I wrote about earlier in this thread.

DLS_PMHNP, MSN, RN, NP · Mar 23, 2009

If a patient were uncomfortable with a male doctor (having his hands in areas that are only for their husband)...it should stand to reason that they would also be uncomfortable with a lesbian as well.

Nope.. Disagree!!!!

DLS_PMHNP, MSN, RN, NP · Mar 23, 2009

I would say that 98% or more, of lesbians do not look at women constantly as sexual objects in the way that men are socialized to do so. Neither our sex drive nor our socialization make us the same as a man.

Absolutely!

mom-of-3 · Mar 23, 2009

Well, please let me know what hospital you run and I will be sure not to go there. I absolutely don't feel that even as a hospital administrator that you would have the right to refuse a request from a patient that determines their comfort level.

mom-of-3 · Mar 23, 2009

Mom of three I appreciate your response. It is exactly the type of response that I was thinking of when I started the question as it is the misperception that a woman who is attracted to women is equivalent to a man that I worried could jeopardize my job as L and D nurse. But I've concluded from this thread that my patients would not know my orientation and hopefully it wouldn't be a problem...I'll see.
Just for the record, in dealing with human beings in general, although I haven't done any sociological/psychological studies, I would say that 98% or more, of lesbians do not look at women constantly as sexual objects in the way that men are socialized to do so. Neither our sex drive nor our socialization make us the same as a man. This comment is just for educational purposes not a problem with your opinion as I fear your perspective is the norm and not the exception.

Thank you so much for the education. I was under the impression (incorrectly apparently) that lesbian behavior was in fact much more similar to a man's in terms of sexualizing women.

I also read some of the other thread's that you have started and you sound like a great person who is extremely passionate about L & D. I have no doubt that you would be a fabulous nurse judging by your passion for this specialty, and the fact that it concerned you enough to even take the time to explore this.

I wish you much success in nursing and I have no doubt that most (if not all) of your patients will see you as a caring nurse who is damn good at her job.

Thanks again

LovebugLPN · Mar 23, 2009

If a woman is having a baby and knows that her nurse is a lesbian it is her right to request a different nurse. It is no different then requesting a female nurse in the delivery room instead of a male. If it makes her uncomfortable she does not have to feel that way. :rolleyes:

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

AudreyHurston I have had many gay and lesbian providers working for me in capacities ranging from C.N.A. to specialty department head and I can tell you that I have had very, very few sexual orientation based problems. Even when they did know the orientation of a provider, I can count on one hand the number of times someone made it an issue. Many minorities (racial, ethnic, orientation, religious) that have worked for me have told me they feel they have to be at their very best to dispel stereotypes.

As for many of the requests, I typically denied them. Which was well within my rights and comfort level. How do I know what orientation a staff member has? I always offered the patient an alternative facilities phone number because there was no guarantee their request would be granted at the other facility either. So I told them to call first. The requests usually were not practical either because it could be difficult bringing extra staff in when they were not scheduled to work.

Just for the record, in dealing with human beings in general, although I haven't done any sociological/psychological studies, I would say that 98% or more, of lesbians do not look at women constantly as sexual objects in the way that men are socialized to do so. Neither our sex drive nor our socialization make us the same as a man. This comment is just for educational purposes not a problem with your opinion as I fear your perspective is the norm and not the exception.

Based on studies as well as a great deal of experience working with all types of people I would say males and females are much more similar than most people will admit too. They both have very wide variations in their sexuality. Many men do not have high libidos and many women are not sexually passive, those are old stereotypes. Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are as equally diverse as heterosexuals. Both genders are visually stimulated but in slightly different ways.

I find women and men are equally vulgar if they feel they can get away with it without consequences. I have heard many female "professionals" make very inappropriate remarks and laugh about male patients genitals. They thought they could get away with it because I am a woman too. I have terminated several for inappropriate sexual contact with patients. A long time ago I fired a nurse for "flicking" a male patient. You older nurses will not what I am talking about. My point is the older I have gotten the more I realize Adam and Eve are very similar. Yes, I have been cared by male providers through the years and have not had a problem with any of them. I have found them very professional and respectful.

Many decades ago I remember being in a management staff meeting when the Chairmen said that he would not hire any gay men as care providers. Since they were male and gay, he thought they would be some sort of super-sexual predators that could not control their urges against the helpless patients! I quickly pointed out the fact that he already had gay male employees on staff! I also reminded him that the very fact he could not tell who they were meant that his policy was nonsense! He then asked me for their names so he could fire them. I just laughed at him and left the room. I am glad those days are over!

AudreyHurston don't be afraid to pursue your dreams because of fear. Go for that L&D job! I have the feeling you will excel at it!

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Mar 23, 2009

As a patient, I personally would not care about my nurse's sexual orientation, male or female. You know what else? As a woman who has been in labor, the question of my nurse's sexual orientation was the furthest thing from my mind. I was far more concerned about the pain, the puking, and the 8lb watermelon making his way out!!

Truly, though, I do not even see how a patient would know their nurse's sexual orientation. No good reason to know, and no real good reason to ask. "Hi, I'm Elvish, I'm heterosexual, and I'll be your nurse today."

Didn't think so.

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

Well, please let me know what hospital you run and I will be sure not to go there. I absolutely don't feel that even as a hospital administrator that you would have the right to refuse a request from a patient that determines their comfort level.

Of course I have the right. Think about this sexual orientation request for moment. You would be asking me to remove lesbians from your proximity. Comfort level? How could I determine who is a lesbian and who is straight on my staff?! We never ask an applicant what their sexual orientation is. I could not make some form of announcement on the public address system. Asking everybody in the department what their sexual orientation is would be extremely problematic for a myriad of reasons. Mom-of-3, please tell me how I would even determine who was straight, gay, bisexual, asexual or whatever?

RochesterRN-BSN, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2009

Just for the record, in dealing with human beings in general, although I haven't done any sociological/psychological studies, I would say that 98% or more, of lesbians do not look at women constantly as sexual objects in the way that men are socialized to do so. Neither our sex drive nor our socialization make us the same as a man. This comment is just for educational purposes not a problem with your opinion as I fear your perspective is the norm and not the exception.

As a lesbian myself...I have to agree with this statement........

And too add........mother-of-3, Interesting that you say you choose a female provider for two reasons.....one being that you want someone to be delivering your baby who understand how you feel as they have had children themselves......well first off not all straight women, OB docs or OB nurses, have given birth.....and second I have two children, gave birth to both. I am a lesbian. So I know how you feel in the delivery process. And what makes you think that every lesbian is attracted to every woman, just because she is a woman. The birthing process is one that is NOT at all sexual...which I think you would agree with....and let me tell you it is NOT AT ALL SEXUAL for the doctors or nurses delivering babies either...male or female, gay or straight. Just to make that clear.

I worked at an L&D nurse for a short time right out of school and let me tell you, sexual thoughts NEVER crossed my mind EVER. Its' like seeing a mom nurse a baby. Totally NOT sexual. At all. Its beautiful because of what it is. A baby and it's mom bonding. Really all that is thought about is keeping you and your baby safe and healty.

I can say with confidence that any other nurse here that is a lesbian would agree with me here.

I respect your opinion...I just feel like you need to realize how unsexual childbirth is. And a professional, doc or nurse does not look at his or her patient sexually regardless of sexual orientation. This is part of the job. We are there to be professionals...........and really I personally you would be more likely to get repected in that sense from a lesbian nurse or doc then from a straight male doc or nurse. Now that is just my opinion. But I think that has to do with like was said by the prior post about how women are raised compaired to men.............

RochesterRN-BSN, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2009

And by the way.....nurses, regardless of the area they work in, are expected to care for all patients, and are not to descriminate based on gender, age, race, religion, sexual orientation......we all care for all of you patients regardless of any of that. Shoot we have to leave all opinions at the door ....no descrimination not of a patients appearance, weight, smell!, nasty family, criminal background,-- hell we care for murders! HIV status, marrital status ALL OF THEM. WE care for all of those people and don't get to REQUEST a different patient!!! We care for everyone no questions asked. It goes both ways...... if we can't descriminate why should the patients be allowed to. Now if a lesbian nurse or doctor or straight male nurse or doc ACTUALLY does something inappropriate that makes you feel as though you have been sexually harrassed or touched in a sexual/inappropriate way...yes that is illegal and wrong and that person should be held responsible for their actions. But requesting just on the basis of the orientation alone is wrong on so many levels. Are we going to start asking patients their sexual orientation? Come on. Being gay/lesbian is more then just a sexual thing. The same as being straight is not just a sexual thing.

dnp2004 · Mar 23, 2009

If a woman is having a baby and knows that her nurse is a lesbian it is her right to request a different nurse. It is no different then requesting a female nurse in the delivery room instead of a male. If it makes her uncomfortable she does not have to feel that way.

LovebugLPN, of course she has the right to request another nurse. Administration may not be able to honor the request even if they want to. How would the sexual status of a replacement nurse be determined? What happens if I assume a nurse is straight and she is really gay? I don't have GAYDAR! Would you have me ask potential replacements about her sexual preference?

I had an interesting request a few years. A male patient came in sick to the hospital and requested all male caretakers because he believed the only woman that should see his 'privates' was his wife. The problem was that my surgeon on duty was female. None of the male nurses had been scheduled during that particular shift though a few would be working in about 10 hours. We did have a few male C.N.A.s working but that would not help the situation. The man was becoming very sick and aggravated after learning it would be slow getting replacements in. I called the closest hospital but that was at least two hours away in the storm. Being in older women in his same age, I told him I was a surgeon and offered to treat him until male staff could arrive. He drove away to go to the other hospital. Tragically he died on the way to that hospital.

I was more surprised by my staff than the actual request. As soon as he made the request he was treated negatively. Everyone was very critical of him for making such a request. A few of the terms I heard from my staff were; male chauvinist pig, sexist, jerk, caveman and a few anatomically referenced obscenities that I do not want to repeat on this post. Of course I reminded them that many of them had no problems requesting an all female staff because they did not want males working on them. I said what is good for the goose is good for the gander. This quickly ended the conversation.

I hope you can see why requests can be a nightmare. I will write a longer post about this within a few more days. Though as usual I always like to hear your opinions and experiences.

DNP2004