L&D nurse is calling formula poison!!!

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Ok this post I know will open a whole big nasty can of worms but I need opinions and the truth . So here it goes I gave birth to my beautiful daughter on 6/17/08 I decided to breast feed via pumping and bottling it for the baby , she was not able to latch and get enough out of my breasts. My mother happens to be a L&D nurse, and she is all for breastfeeding , formula she has said is poison and her hospital she says does not even carry or promote formula because they consider it to harmful to babys health they even give out handouts via the la leche league warning mothers of formula. Well unfornunately my milk has run dry, due to the fact I am going to school and unable to pump while at school so my milk was and still is diminshing. So I had to supplement the breastmilk with formula . Well I decided to not tell my mother about the change for obvious reasons since she is so pro breastmilk etc. Well she babysits on Saturdays for me ( while I'm at school), she calls me up and says OMG I can't believe you are giving her formula shame on YOU!!!!! Then she hangs up and we do not talk for a good 3 days. She has told me I am a horrible mother and I am feeding my baby poison, and that my baby will not be smart as she could have been if she remained on breastmilk. So why is everybody so touchy about breastmilk and formula, I think nurses should educate mothers on options not forcing there personal preferences on the patients or the general public it is ultimately the mothers decision which should be respected. FYI I am a pre nursing student and have been watching for any signs of what my mom has called poison aka formula , my baby is doing FINE on formula :yeah:

Specializes in Rural Nursing = Med/Surg, ER, OB, ICU.

Hoppermom3, I LOVE the way you think and teach. I wish everyone was like you. You offer a wonderful service to new moms!

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My pediatrician calls people like that "NIPPLE NAZIS.":p

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you know, i had a situation sort of opposite! i wanted to breast feed my first baby so bad, and my mother was not encouraging of that at all. (for her own selfish reasons. her theory was that if i breast fed, then she wouldn't be able to feed my baby, or keep him over night, and she tried to make it all about her as she always does regarding everything!)

[color=#483d8b]anyway, i did in fact try to breast feed him. the nurses at the hospital were very supportive, as well as my midwife, and i had other support. it simply didn't go well. i couldn't stop crying, my baby wouldn't stop crying. and it hurt! within one week i went to my doctor and he said my baby was dehyrated. that was why he wouldn't stop crying! my milk never came in. i don't know why. i had to immediately put him on formula. and i was devastated.

[color=#483d8b]but...he is very, very smart! he is actually in the gifted program at his school, and is a lot of times too smart for his own good! i went on to have two more children and my milk never came in with them, either. (never found out why, either.) all of my babies ended up being formula fed. and all of them are very smart! one cannot tell the difference that they were not breast fed. (i won't lie, it did make me feel awful and somehow defective that my milk didn't come in, but my babies were healthy and happy and still are, and i think that's all that matters! my mothering skills are just fine!)

[color=#483d8b]anyway, you just do what you need to do. you did get to give your baby breast milk, and she will be fine without it. formula is not poison! (although it does smell awful and one might wonder!) do well in school and enjoy your baby! they do grow so fast...:heartbeat

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Specializes in OB.
Ok this post I know will open a whole big nasty can of worms but I need opinions and the truth . So here it goes I gave birth to my beautiful daughter on 6/17/08 I decided to breast feed via pumping and bottling it for the baby , she was not able to latch and get enough out of my breasts. My mother happens to be a L&D nurse, and she is all for breastfeeding , formula she has said is poison and her hospital she says does not even carry or promote formula because they consider it to harmful to babys health they even give out handouts via the la leche league warning mothers of formula. Well unfornunately my milk has run dry, due to the fact I am going to school and unable to pump while at school so my milk was and still is diminshing. So I had to supplement the breastmilk with formula . Well I decided to not tell my mother about the change for obvious reasons since she is so pro breastmilk etc. Well she babysits on Saturdays for me ( while I'm at school), she calls me up and says OMG I can't believe you are giving her formula shame on YOU!!!!! Then she hangs up and we do not talk for a good 3 days. She has told me I am a horrible mother and I am feeding my baby poison, and that my baby will not be smart as she could have been if she remained on breastmilk. So why is everybody so touchy about breastmilk and formula, I think nurses should educate mothers on options not forcing there personal preferences on the patients or the general public it is ultimately the mothers decision which should be respected. FYI I am a pre nursing student and have been watching for any signs of what my mom has called poison aka formula , my baby is doing FINE on formula :yeah:

First of all - flat out - You are NOT poisoning your baby. Breastmilk is, of course, optimum, but babies do quite well on formula when necessary.

The real issue here seems to be that your mother is having issues with her role as grandmother, not mother, of this baby. You are the parent, and as such will be making decisions for the welfare of your child. Whether or not your mother agrees with your choices, she should be supporting you as the parent, not undermining your confidence. You may want to try to discuss this with her at a time whn you are not already in conflict, or speak with another family member who can intercede. If this doesn't work, you may need to give yourself a "time out" and have someone else watch your child until both you and your mom become more comfortable with your new roles.

I'm saying this as an L&D nurse who became a grandmother last year and have made myself NEVER criticise the decisions my son and d-i-l have made in childrearing.

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Oh dear God in heaven! You poor girl. No offense, but I just don't know what I would do if if I had to deal with your mother. Having a newborn is difficult enough, you don't need your mom complaining about your choice not to breastfeed. You tried and it didn't work out. Also, I have never in my life heard of a hospital that doesn't give the mother's of newborns the choice to formula feed. What if the mother was dead? Would they let the baby starve? Or I suppose they hire a wet-nurse for every baby without a mother?

I'm the mother of 3, all were formula babies and they are healthy and thriving. The reason behind my decision not to breastfeed? My husband's IQ is 160, he is a very successful attorney and he was formula fed! He's also healthy as a damn horse.

Do what you need to do to get by. Your kids will be fine.:):)

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.
I am a mother of two and I found myself in the same shoes you are in after my son was born. He could not latch well and I ended up feeding him bottled breast milk for a year. The midwife said I was lucky that I had a decent supply such that I didn't "dry up" if you will.

My daughter was breastfed until she was 18 months. I am a big big big fan of breastfeeding. I do believe that lots of folks come with this sort of predisposed "I can't" attitude or an "I don't want to" attitude about breastfeeding. Its unacceptable. Its the best food for the baby. I am NOT a big fan of formula feeding and I have got a list of reasons that are not relevant here.

Luckily, you are in the fortunate position of having the high ground here. It sounds like you worked your tail off to give this baby the most organic food available. It didn't work. Bummer. Your mother, on the other hand, seems to think she has some sort of moral high ground but is completely in the wrong. Hanging up on someone is not grown up and not okay. :angryfire Indicting your own daughter as a "horrible mother" is emotionally harmful to you and to her.

As a mother, one of the first things we learn is how our ideals of motherhood rarely fit our realities. Here, your plans to breastfeed your child did not come to fruition and your mother's mental image of happily breastfeeding mother (daughter) and child (grandchild) have vanished. This is one of the first lessons we learn of motherhood. I am sorry that your mother hasn't quite gotten this lesson yet. I am sorry that you are struggling with her issues.

The most important thing is that you have made peace with the decision to formula feed the baby. The most important thing is that you and the baby are emotionally and physically healthy. As a mother, we sacrifice a lot of our ideals for the reality that comes with a total picture of health and well-being.

Now, I know you are not asking but: a mother needs the confidence to advocate for herself as a mother and her child when necessary. Next time you see her, ask your mother to apologize for her behavior because you know what? You deserve an apology!

Congratulations to you and your partner on the birth of your child.

Victoria

The previous posters have done a lovely job of reassuring you (of what you already know) and that is that you are doing a wonderful job of caring for your baby.

My concern, likern2batlanta, is the way your mother is behaving. She most definitely owes you an apology and her reassurance that she will, from now on, respect and abide by the decisions you and your husband make for your baby. Her attempts to undermine your confidence and authority as a mother are dispicable, and need to be stopped short, or they will continue as your child grows, and take on many forms.

I'll spare you the details, but I now live at a great distance from my mother, for this very reason.

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Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.

I'm having a very hard time believing your mother's hospital doesn't carry formula.

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
I'm having a very hard time believing your mother's hospital doesn't carry formula.

Me too. My hospital is one of the few hospitals that has a human milk bank for babies who need donated breast milk for whatever reason....and we still carry formula.

I am so very sorry that your mother has decided to treat you so inappropriately. You do not deserve her behavior and you DO deserve an apology. You would be a bad mother if you let your baby starve - you are NOT a bad mother for feeding your baby formula.

This is your mother's issue, not yours, and it is certainly not your baby's.

Best to you, and good luck with school.

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Specializes in L&D, NICU, PICU, School, Home care.

I breast fed all of my boys (4) for varying lengths of time (their choice not mine). I have worked in OB starting when BF was rare and currently where all are encouraged to BF. The key word there is ENCOURAGED. We support our patients in whatever decision they make. What we do stress is: hold your baby while feeding, make eye contact with your baby and talk to your baby. Most of all feed your baby and LOVE your baby.

Hotmama2be please stand your ground and assert your right to make decisions for yourself and your baby. I hope your mother will come around because right or wrong it is hard to be at odds with your mother.

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Specializes in L&D, Mom/Baby, LTC, Rehab.

On my L&D unit we have a saying, breast is best for every baby, but not for every mom. Babies have been drinking formula for ages and while the benefits of breastmilk have been proven, there are no studies saying that formula is necessarily harmful. Feel proud of yourself for breastfeeding as long as you have. ANY amount of breastmilk is good in my book!

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Specializes in Geriatrics, WCC.

Mom here of 4 children (all grown now) and all were bottle-fed. Not a dummy in the bunch.

My question is.... is your mom feeding your baby the formula while you are at school?

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Maybe you can print all these posts, write a letter to your mom that is loving but explains you point and situation and accompany it by some of these posts list here and maybe she will see the error of her ways and bottom line you both love the baby and your doing the best you can in your circumstances

Good luck

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