Just seen the first death but I don't feel particularly sad, is something wrong with me?

Davey Do · Mar 20, 2018

If you still provide quality care to those you serve, there is nothing at all wrong with you, GE90.

If you are apathetic to the point that you don't care about the quality of service you provide, then there's cause for alarm.

I'm sensing that you do care, GE90, otherwise there would be no outreach.

And just because this death didn't get to you doesn't mean that the next one won't.

Take care.

Buckeye.nurse · Mar 20, 2018

I'm at the point in my nursing career where I've witnessed the circle of life more than a few times. Usually it's expected (hospice care), sometimes it's a decline I see coming, and the patient is transferred to ICU, and every now and then it's a code. Every single time it affects me, but I don't always cry. I actually feel most sad with hospice patients, because I am focused on them holistically. In an emergency situation my brain is moving too fast and the adrenaline is pumping too hard to allow tears/emotion. It will sometimes ambush me later though. What I'm trying to say is that every situation and every person is different. There's nothing wrong with you...you are processing what happened in a way unique to you. *hugs*

I'd also like to point something else out. As nurses, we become masters of compartmentalization out of necessity. There have been a few days where my patient assignment includes a hospice patient with incurable cancer, and another patient receiving chemo with the hope of a cure. I have to be very careful that I don't bring negative emotion into my chemo patient's room. They are hopeful, and I am hopeful for them. In your case, you had a patient who required your support and you were there for them. Your patient needed you to be alert, responsive, and competent...not sad.

Just clean out the compartments now and then with some self care. Reflect, journal, listen to music, get outside and exercise, or talk your workday out with someone you trust. Take care of yourself :)

Crush · Mar 20, 2018

Just because you did not cry, does not mean you don't care. It sounds like you do care since you have reached out here and you continue to provide care. Sometimes as nurses we have to set aside emotions so we don't bring that to our next patient(s). That is normal. I like the above suggestions and do take time to care for yourself and reflect.

allnurses Guide · Mar 20, 2018

This post makes me want to put my arm around you. You provided good care, you noted the emotional response of the family and you prioritized that over yourself. That you can compartmentalize the emotions of caring for dying children is good for your mental health. As mentioned above, if you get apathetic to the care you are providing, that would be a red flag. Tears are not the only sign of compassion and not falling apart for every death is okay. Some cases will get to you. Others may be part of a normal days' work. That is just part of what we do sometimes and that doesn't mean you are a bad person. The fact that you worry about it means you are the opposite, in my opinion.

Love, a nurse mom who had a kiddo die in PICU

Wuzzie · Mar 20, 2018

It's not really all that unusual for nurses, even peds nurses, to remain relatively unemotional when a patient death occurs. It's self-protective to a point and the truth of the matter is we still have a job to do. If we fell apart at every death we would not be able to take care of the patients who still need us. Just make sure that "un-felt" grief does not appear in another form. Depression, alcohol/drug abuse, anger issues, apathy and relationship problems can all be symptoms of repressed feelings.

ruby_jane, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2018

I remember I cried when I was 7months into nursing when one of the nurse managers told me that the kid I had looked after prior to going to ICU passed away, but ever since then I just don't feel much anymore...

We all process grief in different ways. Don't be surprised if sometime in the near future you do feel sad about this death. Also don't be surprised if you don't....you may just have better boundaries than I do!

vintage_RN, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2018

There is nothing wrong with you. As long as you can provide compassionate care and don't feel indifferent toward the situation, this is actually a good quality to have. I work in the NICU. We have very sick babies and babies who die. It has never really affected me much, the way I see it is that these things happen as part of life. Life is not life without death and suffering. If we can't avoid the death and suffering - than at least I can play a part in making the experience even a fraction less traumatizing for my babies and their families. I can have a baby die and then go home, put it it out of my mind and go out with friends without a second thought. I think that's healthy, and helps migrate burnout in the long run.

ruby_jane, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2018

Life is not life without death and suffering. If we can't avoid the death and suffering - than at least I can play a part in making the experience even a fraction less traumatizing for my babies and their families.

I legit teared up at that. Good nurse!!