Just put an end my misery if...

twinkletoes53 · Mar 23, 2012

My aunt is 84 years old, and scheduled for an AVR in a month. Up until about 3 months ago, she still worked 4 hours a day twice a week at the office she'd been with for 34 years.

I am very ambivalent about this surgery. I do not want her short of breath, like she is now. I also don't want her to be in the pain that I know she will have after this surgery. She is so frightened. I love her with all my heart. She raised my brother and I for 6 years after our mother died suddenly @ the age of 28. So she is the only mother I have known. :redbeathe

Are there nurses who have cared for a patient in her 80s who survived this surgery with a good outcome? I am too close to her to be objective about this.

beckster_01, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2012

^ Absolutely. We have plenty of people in their 80's who have valve replacements. They won't bounce back like someone in their 60's, but they can still do well, especially if they are active at baseline (a stubborn personality and supportive family always helps). However, when someone hits 92 you wonder how many years that valve will really give them, and if it is worth the risks of open heart surgery.

R!XTER · Mar 25, 2012

In response to the OP,
I understand you are venting, I really do but I find this really disturbing for some reason I can't exactly put my finger on.
AHA, I got it!
I am going to get a lot of flack for this but you know what? I DON'T CARE because it's MY opinion. This post reeks of judgement, a gross lack of compassion/respect for other human beings.
I'm so sick of people judging others and their decisions without ever walking a mile in their shoes.

I think you misunderstood my views and choices for what I would want for myself as being projected onto others. This is not the case at ALL! I fully respect other people's decisions and I care for all of my patients equally, regarless of their personal choices, with care and compassion. I was merely commenting on my feelings for myself, if g-d forbid I were ever in a situation such as the ones I mentioned. When I care for people like that, I cannot imagine every living that way. I have endless respect for people who have illnesses such as MS, cancer, etc and fight with every fiber of their being, however I don't think I could be that strong, and I hope to never be put in the situation where I have to find out...

I apologize if you took my personal opinions for judgement... (I actually find your statement "This post reeks of judgement, a gross lack of compassion/respect for other human beings" to be extremely judgemental, and hurtful, while accusing me of being the same way....ironic.)

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 25, 2012

i'd like to see an go 30 days without a post/thread hating on fat people/fat nurses.

imho, no one here "hates" on fat people, (and this is totally off topic of the op), however, regarding bariatric patients, i find them particularly difficult to deal with because very often the majority of their comorbidities come from being overweight, i.e. diabetes, chf, hypertension, etc, and they come to us needing total care as they are largely helpless (can't walk, can't wipe their own behinds). i can't help feeling that if a lot of these people had not let themselves get to the point of morbid obesity, they would not have the majority of the issues they are facing, and i would not be injuring my back trying to care for them.

2 weeks ago i had a ~400lb patient come in for *shocker* shortness of breath/chf exacerbation. when the dr. said she would need a dose of nitro the patient said "oh i don't want that! that's the s*** that gives me a headache." to which i responded "well, that's the s*** that's gonna make you breathe." now, understand that i am always very kind to my patients, and i never curse, but i had had it. she had given herself every health problem in the book by being obese, and then comes to us expecting us to fix her, and has the nerve to make that comment. additionally, there is no way she can hold down a job in her condition, as she can barely even talk, never mind breathe, so it is also us who are *paying* for the honor of treating her highness. this bugs me to no end.

yes, i know that often obesity comes from other things, psych issues, etc. and i am fully expecting the onslaught of comments telling me i'm a horrible person for thinking this way.

for someone who claims that no one here "hates" on fat people, this post sure hates on fat people.

daisy12 · Apr 8, 2012

I have many friends from the ages teens to senior citizens who are on feeding tubes, TPN or other means of artificial nutrition. These friends would give anything to be able to eat normally but are happy and successful in their own ways. They have gastroparesis as I do. I also have a colostomy, severe arthritis, CIVD, and other things, but I plan to keep on going. When it gets to the point that I can no longer care for myself and a burden on others, then it is time. I do not want to be resucitated in that case.

SandraCVRN · Apr 9, 2012

To the OP, I took your post as I thought you meant it......not blanket statements but for all those we see day in and day out that we take care of. Not complaining while giving care but knowing we personally do not want to live that way.

Last week we had 3 pts pass that had only been made DNR's within 10 hours of thier passing. None of them would have survived no matter what we did.....it would have just been pure hell for all involved.

naparn · Apr 9, 2012

That is cool. I am considering having DNRN tattooed on my arm.

JessiAli · Apr 18, 2012

I'm a new nurse recently diagnosed with MS at the age of 31. Personally I'm appalled that someone would choose to be 'put out of their misery' rather than live with a disease I was just diagnosed with.

Wow.

Mommy&RN, BSN, RN · Apr 18, 2012

As long as the patient is able to make their own decisions, then by all means they should choose treatments that they want.My issue comes in to play when the patient has no idea who they are and family members choose to keep perusing treatments that are painful to keep someone alive that has no quality of life.

SweettartRN · Nov 8, 2012

I'm sympathetic to your predicament, but really...you don't get that big without having some serious issues.
I'd like to see AN go 30 days without a post/thread hating on fat people/fat nurses.

Yes, the issues are called ENABLEMENT. Someone is feeding their butt.

I come from a line of very large people, and most if not all have emotional issues that caused their weight gain. Most also were too stubborn to get counseling and the mental crisis help they needed as well.

I don't hate on fat people or nurses, because I have watched their struggles since I was a small child. However, there is a thing called personal responsibility, and that really goes into play when every anyone is overweight.

And to the OP. Great post! I have always said if I can't function exactly the way that I do right now, do NOT let me stay on this earth because I will come back and haunt someone.

uRNmyway, ASN, RN · Nov 8, 2012

I'm a new nurse recently diagnosed with MS at the age of 31. Personally I'm appalled that someone would choose to be 'put out of their misery' rather than live with a disease I was just diagnosed with.
Wow.

I dont think the OP was referring to someone just diagnosed. I think they were referring to someone who has had MS for a long time, has seriously deteriorated, and can no longer do anything for themselves.

Look, I get the rose-colored glasses of a new nurse. I was there just a few years ago myself. But experience will open your eyes to reality...or maybe not. I used to think that way when I was a tween and my grandmother, one of my favorite people in the world, had her 3rd fight against breast CA and was clearly going to lose. I was too young to see how much pain she was in. I was too immature to see how tired she was. And there was no way I could understand that she HAD been fighting, and there was just nothing more. I fought with my mom, I was resentful of everyone, because A)they wouldnt let me go see her, and B) I felt she let herself die.

Now...oh gee...I've been the nurse holding a patient's hand, stroking their hair, as all they can do is moan in pain while tears squeeze out of their tightly shut eyes. I've been that nurse who has to dodge patients swinging their IV pole at me because they don't know who I am and are terrified. I've been the nurse digging the nails of a demented old lady out of my arm because she doesn't understand that I am only doing as her family members insisted on by inserting an IV. And if I could only count the amount of times I've had patients who just gave me one of those desperate, pleading looks, because it was all they could do; I was there to turn and position because they had no motor control whatsoever, nothing more than a fully functioning mind in a broken shell.

I admire that you feel this way, really I do. And I think it is awesome that your diagnosis has not dampened your spirits and you are raring for the fight. But sometimes, seeing all this pain and suffering, often with the same depressing end result...well it can definitely do things to you.

Now, I'm going to start investigating how to get that DNR tattoo done since a family member applying a pillow to my face if ever I'm in a hopeless or zero quality of life condition is probably going to be illegal for a long, long time!

angeliclpnsusband · Apr 23, 2016

Not sure where I fall on this today. I hate extreme measures for little quality of life. I have also just been diagnosed with PAH Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Echo shows 90mm hg (Yeah it can be off and inaccurate but w\ 25 being the cut off) I did a 6min walk PFT had to stop to up the O2 flow and finished at less than 200yrds. It's treatable but incurable, and it's progressive. Some day in the not too distant future I may have to define the moment my life ceases to be a blessing and becomes a burden or goes from a burden to a hell.