Hi there! I am new to this site, this is my first posting. I am an RN nursing student, approaching my senior year this fall. I have sort of a weird problem....has anyone else experienced this? I don't volunteer my test scores to anyone, of course, but occasionally people ask, and I will tell them what I got on the latest test. Long story short, in a small class (about 30) I and one other student very rarely get below a 90 on tests. I try to be friendly to everyone, I'm a "people-pleaser"! I want to be friends with everyone! But I feel lately like people are just avoiding me somewhat, and they act as if I am a snob or something. I go out of my way not to advertise my grades, and be open to friendships with everyone in my class. I'm not any smarter than anyone else, I just study my butt off, pretty much every night. Am I paranoid, or has anyone else experienced this?:wink2:
By the 2nd year I was one of the top students and if there was gossip and jealousy, I didn't here it and it wouldn't have affected me anyway.
Let's talk about people pleasing and your desire to want to be friends with everyone. I was the same way much of my life, and still to some extent and like that, but it reeks of lack of self-esteem - I know because I struggled with self-esteem much of my adulthood.
Sometimes our people pleasing tendancies is manifested in competetiveness and a drive to only make A's, which is rooted in a desire to please our parents or base our self-esteem on outward achievements.
To me the issue you're speaking of in this post is not about other people, because you can't control them. Your answer to this problem lies within.
Sorry for the pyscho babble, take it or leave it. LOL
Yes, trying too hard to please others is unhealthy, as I can attest. I did not have to work very hard back in high school to earn decent grades (3.5 GPA), and when I did not do as well in a subject, it was the teacher's fault (or so I believed at the time). College was a shock. I ended up with a 2.06 GPA the first year, changed schools, and graduated with a 2.97 GPA.
I started back to school in 1993, and have been putting a lot more effort into school. I have a 4.00 GPA, and 3 times have earned every possible point going into the final exam. The last time was especially satisfying, as I was doubting I could ever accomplish this again. I compete against myself, not my fellow students. It does not bother me that my teachers are now young enough to be my daughters. They have stuff to teach me, and I want to learn.
I like to help my fellow students, and they seem to like me. The teachers like me because I try to be a model student. I work full time, and usually just take one course at a time. Because of my mediocre college past, I can emphasize with struggling students.
Aside from putting a printout of my report card on my parents' refrigerator, I really have no one to talk to about my academic achievements. I never brag about my grades, but do tell if asked. One of my fellow employees found out that I got a 100+ on a cultural anthropology test because she had lunch with a former employee whose daughter was in this class.
I have been proclaimed a genius by fellow students at the start of my last couple of classes, before I have even had a chance to prove myself. There must be some kind of communication that I am unaware of. I really could do without the publicity. It makes it even more stressful to try to perform up to these expectations.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I felt the same...I felt too much pressure to continue to perform in that manner, and it was too much for me, so, I kept it to myself. To be truthful, my plan of operation was to score as high as I can for the first two exams, so that if I barely made it for the midterms and final, I would still at least pass. It didn't work out that way...I continued to perform on top level. I was proud of myself, but never too cocky, because you never know in nursing school, or life just what can bottom out. I was just glad to get out of there.
I followed them, too, named my only son Cassidy West, who is now almost 14! That's an interesting comment from Dylan, I think it's very true! Despite all the drugs and deaths in this band, I still maintain they are the best rock band that ever was or will every be! (i'm very unbiased, though!, Ha Ha)
Cassidy and Wharf Rat ey? I like it! The Grateful Dead were a band beyond description with the most beautiful music and lyrics that have ever been or ever will be. Here is a partial list of my DVD collection. If you would like something from it let me know. If what you want isnt on there, i may have it anyway so feel free to PM me with any requests. :wink2:
Just about to start clinicals in the fall so I don't know how well I'd do then. The past semesters I did very well( and wish I could keep that up). I've never really felt like other students were avoiding me. However, I sort of played things "close to (my) vest." I guess, it's the same principle as not discussing pay rate, there's always somebody who'll feel slighted in some way.
One shouldn't need to apologize for working one's butt off and getting good grades. But, you know what they say, it's lonely at the top.
To all you top students/achievers out there, keep up the good work!
i thought it was just me! i was actually starting to think there was a problem with my personality or something. thank you for starting this thread.
i am valedictorian of my graduating class and have had a 4.0 all along. it doesn't come easy to me as popular belief nor do i wave my test scores around. i actually flip my scantron over as soon as i get it because people turn around or over my shoulder to look...
it got to the point where ive stopped answering questions in class to give others a chance and to get them to hate me less. its not that i want to be friends with them, i dont. i just want the dirty looks and nasty remarks to stop. its like they are mad at me because i get better grades. i really am a nice person, and i dont gossip, i am very honest and i would give you the shirt off my back. they have made me feel 2 inches tall at times.
i flunked out of high school. went to jail. got my GED. had a drug addiction and went to rehab. struggled with anorexia and bulimia. was homeless and lived in my car while putting myself through college to become a paramedic. i struggled. i worked 2 full time jobs. i almost didnt make it.. but i graduated. now that i am in nursing school, all i can see is that goal... that now i might actually make it. i am not going to let other peoples insecurity get in my way.
i was actually approached by an instructor who said people in the class were upset with me because i didnt invite them to my study group or share my notes with everyone. im sorry, i didnt know because i have the best grades in the class that i am the sole provider of notes and the only one who can have a study group? please. i shared my notes with everyone one semester, only to find that while i was frantically typing and writing, they sat there and napped cause they knew they would get the info from me! that was the end of that.
i am counting down the days until i graduate nursing school. i dont know if its low self esteem, insecurity, whatever.... but i have NEVER met a bunch of cattier adults. it seems the better my scores are, the more they hate me.
i offer to help. i offer to tutor. but i will not hand hold anyone. i didnt go to nursing school to make friends with anyone or to carry anyone through. i am there solely for the purpose of allison becoming a nurse. period.
sorry if this sounds harsh. im venting.
You go, girl!!! :redpinkhe You can and will graduate, just ignore everyone else and move forward. I myself have struggled with severe depression that has required hospitalization in the past, and this is my second attempt at nursing school. I'm doing really well this time, and I just have come to accept that I am not here to make friends. I am certainly open to friendships in school, but becoming an RN is my whole life right now, it means everything to me. I don't have a plan B. So I just usually end up sitting by myself, and putting my hand up less and less often to answer any questions. As for venting, thank God we have each other to vent to , otherwise we would surely go crazy!!!!
I was singled out by three horrible classmates. I recently found out through a co-worker who knows two of them that they are known as trouble makers. I'm near the top of my class, but it's believed that I am THE top. Not true, nor did I perpetuate that myth. I also don't tell my grades, and when classmates do the "what did you get?" I say "I passed". This has not helped, but I'm not going to lie and I'm not going to share either. I've always been a little weird that way.
I don't know if I was singled out because of my grades, maybe I'm a rotten person and I don't know it.
Hi there! I am new to this site, this is my first posting. I am an RN nursing student, approaching my senior year this fall. I have sort of a weird problem....has anyone else experienced this? I don't volunteer my test scores to anyone, of course, but occasionally people ask, and I will tell them what I got on the latest test. Long story short, in a small class (about 30) I and one other student very rarely get below a 90 on tests. I try to be friendly to everyone, I'm a "people-pleaser"! I want to be friends with everyone! But I feel lately like people are just avoiding me somewhat, and they act as if I am a snob or something. I go out of my way not to advertise my grades, and be open to friendships with everyone in my class. I'm not any smarter than anyone else, I just study my butt off, pretty much every night. Am I paranoid, or has anyone else experienced this?:wink2:
I had to comment on the tutoring thing. I was a tutor for two classmates for Mental Health. We had a great system, and they both passed Mental Health. In the end, our grades were very close. They also asked me to tutor them in our Complex Health 1 class, and I agreed. My grades went up, but they still struggled. I felt totally responsible! My only NS friend and a fourth student joined the group, and my friend's grades also improved. Long story short, I felt terrible that my grades were going up and I saw the venom (unjustly, IMO) they had for our instructor.
They asked me to talk to her, to help them appeal their grades, etc. I had to say no. The two original girls I was tutoring flunked complex health, my friend and I passed, and the fourth failed by just a few points. Again, I felt terrible. But they more they bashed our instructor, and the more their grades did NOT improve through my tutoring, the more I wondered what they were saying about me in private. Two of the girls appealed their grades and did not win the appeal. The third, one of the original ones I was tutoring still stays in touch. She plans on finishing her RN at a different school. She did take and pass her LPN boards recently and is working on getting a job. I was thrilled to hear she was pressing on and didn't have any ill feelings towards me.
I've been asked to tutor other classes but said no because I couldn't handle the pressure. I really took too much of the student's failure onto myself.
I can feel your pain. I didn't offer tutoring, though, because to be honest, I couldn't function that way. I had weird ways of making associations for the nursing material that would not have made sense to the average person, and also, I am such a private individual that I cherish my time to myself. I had a personal tutor of my own, because to be honest, I needed help myself and I was able to admit that I was more into having a private session to have all of my issues addressed without an audience.
The director of my program used to accuse me of being a selfish person as well and tried to pressure me into sharing notes and study sessions. She was horrible to me, but I stayed strong and told her that I was not responsible for ensuring the other students of their future when I owed it to myself. The same as you, the few times I shared, I got nothing in return.
I really hated nursing school with a passion. I know it was a right of passage, so to speak to get where I am, now, but I saw too many people trying to get things the easier way...on my back, and I had to place a limit on it for my own personal survival/sanity.
I graduated top in my class as well. Voted most outstanding student that year. I surprised myself with the grades and especially when I was nominated for the award.
Tweety hit it on the head. I had low self-esteem at the start. But I found that I loved what I was learning, and it did come easy for me (shock). The hardest part was being snobbed. So I decided to volunteer with tutoring. Not only did the students get better grades, they understood me in a different way and for the most part we had a happy graduating class.
(i'm very unbiased, though!, Ha Ha)
mshultz
250 Posts
Yes, trying too hard to please others is unhealthy, as I can attest. I did not have to work very hard back in high school to earn decent grades (3.5 GPA), and when I did not do as well in a subject, it was the teacher's fault (or so I believed at the time). College was a shock. I ended up with a 2.06 GPA the first year, changed schools, and graduated with a 2.97 GPA.
I started back to school in 1993, and have been putting a lot more effort into school. I have a 4.00 GPA, and 3 times have earned every possible point going into the final exam. The last time was especially satisfying, as I was doubting I could ever accomplish this again. I compete against myself, not my fellow students. It does not bother me that my teachers are now young enough to be my daughters. They have stuff to teach me, and I want to learn.
I like to help my fellow students, and they seem to like me. The teachers like me because I try to be a model student. I work full time, and usually just take one course at a time. Because of my mediocre college past, I can emphasize with struggling students.
Aside from putting a printout of my report card on my parents' refrigerator, I really have no one to talk to about my academic achievements. I never brag about my grades, but do tell if asked. One of my fellow employees found out that I got a 100+ on a cultural anthropology test because she had lunch with a former employee whose daughter was in this class.
I have been proclaimed a genius by fellow students at the start of my last couple of classes, before I have even had a chance to prove myself. There must be some kind of communication that I am unaware of. I really could do without the publicity. It makes it even more stressful to try to perform up to these expectations.