Yep, that's right...it's that time again. Back to school, back to studying, back to putting everything else on hold, back to fighting with my husband.
I don't know why it is, but every time he does this to me. I don't do enough or something. He expects me to do everything.
Okay, last night I had a class (which I really regret taking now, and wish I would have taken something else, but every class is full, so I am stuck with it:o ), my class went from 4-7 pm. My husband picked up 2 of the 3 kids, and made dinner. I came home, and all the dirty dishes were still on the counter. A couple months ago we started having the oldest two, ages 9 and 6 help out with doing the dishes...it (sort of) takes a little bit of the work, and in that way everyone can contribute. Anyway, he had them take their showers, but didn't have them do the dishes or clean their room (which is a mess).
Well, this morning I get up, get the girls up, and then sit down at my desk (which is temporarily in the LR). He then tells me that he needs his marijuana (I do apologize, my husband is addicted to marijuana...I don't agree with it at all, and it is ONE of the huge issues we do not get along with. I personally can't stand the stuff...won't do it because it freaks me out), because living in our house is such hell. I told him there was no one forcing him to stay her. He told me I was right, then said that he would probably come home after work and the house would still be a mess because I don't do anything. School is the only thing that is important to me. Then, he gets this real sarcastic, condescending tone to his voice and says, "Oh wait...I forgot, you have a 45 minute class today, so you shouldn't have to do anything else. It's okay."
Well, there is lots of history here, too. He has this job that he has to drive about 1 1/2 hours most days to work. BUT, he is almost always home by 3 pm, many days he gets home by 12:30. Okay, so 3 hours of driving every day isn't fun, and physical labor (sometimes, not all days) also isn't fun. It also isn't fun being the "only" one who brings in any money (Please remember, the $5000 that I bring in each semester from FA doesn't count). So, there is a lot of stress...and he doesn't want to do anything else.
Maybe we are both to blame, but I don't think he understands what exactly is involved in the nursing program. He just sees that I get it done, and I get A's so therefore it isn't that bad, and I shouldn't stress. Remember, I only have a 45 minute skills testing for today that I need to study numerous times in order to have it memorized. I have an abstract on a journal article due Friday, plus a report to hand in on clinical due the same day. I have a case study that needs to get started, a speech that I need to start researching, a paper to do in an elective course, (am I forgeting something?), and about 400 pages to read. Therefore, I should have the time every day to cook, clean, take care of the kids (get them up, dressed, fed, to school and home again, homework done), do laundry, clean the LR, BR and do my school work plus go to class and clinical.
Alright, I don't know where I am going with this. He told me this morning that without him I'd be screwed and I wouldn't be able to go to school and I would lose everything. He does that to me every time. Every semester he makes my life difficult. I get so stressed, because I hate the thought that if I dont' do everything, then he'll come home and yell at me, and we'll fight again.
I'm sorry this is so long, guys...I usually end up being very wordy. I must go now, I have to study my skills and still take a shower and go to the store, then get to skills testing at 1pm. I don't know how I am going to make it through this semester and the next 4 after...
Great place to heal by the way. 
May every woman in the situation sagelola is in be comforted and strengthened by the lyrics of this song. :kiss
The girls use to sing it loudly around the house because they were trying to make me feel better about all I had given that man only to have him shick on me and them the way he did. I was just finishing nursing school -- much to his surprise because he belittled me the entire time through school. He was NO help during the time I was in college, so I did it all. He paid for the college tuition, and for that I am thankful. That's where his support ended. No sooner I finished school, I found out he was with someone else with a family on the way. 
I am sorry to hear you are going through this rough time. Sounds just like my ex! He was a major pot smoker and always found some reason to blame me for any and everything that was wrong in his life. He was abusive and he finally admitted he believed I would leave if I finished school. He was wrong, I left him WAY before that! 
Fifteen years later he is still blowing his money on pot and blames his new girlfriends , his parents, me, his kids, society or whatever for his problems. I hope you know there is help out there if you need it. Please don't quit school. You have a support system out here. Let us know how you are. And don't blame yourself for his behavior. 
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sagelola
208 Posts
Thank you to each of you that has posted.
Of course, Sue, I do try to see where he is coming from. Then I make excuses...well, it's not like he has to work 6 hours every day some days it's only 3; well, he doesn't have to bring his work home with him like I have to with my schooling;
You know, things like that. I know no marraige is perfect, no person is perfect...and I should be practicing empathy, right? He has sacrificed much, and is the only one bringing in any income on a regular basis. I am not the one who thinks a spotless house is necessary all the time, and I don't complain when it gets messy. But, he does. Is there some way to teach another person empathy?
I don't tell him ENOUGH that he is appreciated. But, then again, I don't think I should congratulate him for going to work every day. It is just what you do when you are an adult and have a family. No one will congratulate me when I end up (HOPEFULLY) getting an intern job, with school full time still, 3 kids and a husband.
His addiction has always got in the way, but he doesn't see it as a problem. Doesn't see the fact that he lied to me about ~$300 in November "disappearing" for his habit to be of any concern. Or the fact that he took a loan from his bosses for $100 to cover rent so I wouldn't find out to be a problem.
Anyway, like I said, no one is perfect...but actually sitting down talking things out with him is an impossibility. It just doesn't happen. Ever. When he gets home he plays his online video games and talks to his teammates through the computer....
Well, enough...I just try to take things one day at a time. They will get better.