It amazes me.......

[Junebug59, RN]

I've been reading through several posts on here about nurses caught diverting, i.v. drugs and pills, got arrested and still have a job or find a job. i'm not trying to judge anyone at all, for who am I to judge?? I self reported because of (all misdemeanors) dui's and one pot possession (half a joint) and a disorderly (called police to have bf removed from house and they arrested both of us.) I was a weekend warrior drinker. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, I have a drinking problem. I would go weeks without drinking, no cravings. I was the type that self medicated bouts of depression and boredom with alcohol. i smoked pot occasionally. never have i been addicted to pills, or other illegal substances..... or i.v. drugs.

What amazes me is, the posts i was reading, these nurses who are caught stealing from their employers and patients, whether it's pills or iv drugs, are working!!!! i am in the IPN program for Florida. this is my 9th month on a 5 yr contract. most of the nurses in my weekly support group were diverters and they are all working.... i have applied to so many hospitals its crazy. i am not saying i'm better than anyone but..... i never went to work intoxicated, or had a dirty pee test, i never stole from my employer or patients. i self reported. WHY CAN'T I WORK TOO???? i know these hospitals have hired these diverting nurses. why can't i be hired too??? i feel like i'm treated unfairly..... how is my situation worse? if i were a manager, i would rather hire someone who did not steal from their employer or patients......or who was addicted to pills and iv drugs. please don't get angry at me, i'm not trying to say i'm better, it's just seems unfair somehow......

i am so frustrated..... i feel potential employers judge me and i am no better than a murderer or child molester....... sorry for the rant... just needed to vent

[Twoyearnurse]

I don't judge you at all. It is frustrating. Unfortunately, diverters, such as myself often don't get reported to the police (I did so I may face criminal charges as well as the board). From what I've seen it's a culture shift...if your addicted you are redeemable, and once you receive treatment many employers see the issue as resolved...an illness has been treated. I think it's hard for them to look past the criminal aspect (by criminal I mean record, stealing from work is criminal as well)

[Junebug59, RN]

thank you, twoyearnurse. so very true...... I don't what else I can do to redeem myself in their eyes... having an arrest record is just staring them in the face and they can't see past it... obviously they are smart people (potential employers), but they can't seem to grasp that I am no different than the ones who didn't get caught....

[Junebug59, RN]

there's a nurse in my group who was caught injecting 300mg of fentanyl a day on the job and he's working!!!!!! how am I any worse than this???

[Twoyearnurse]

You're not...and you're right. It isn't fair at all. We are all redeemable given the chance. I actually had the pleasure of working with a couple nurses who had addiction/alcohol issues and they were very hard working (I should have learned from their mistakes right? SMH!). I hope that you are only having trouble because it's only been nine months. Of the girls I met some had it take a year/year and a half to get a job. This was due to employers feeling they hadn't been monitored long enough. One girl got a job after interviewing for the same job on three separate occasions, the employer felt they showed great humility (as if we need more) and enthusiasm for the job. She would apply to a position, interview, get denied, and then reapply on a three month cycle. She had a DUI that she hadn't reported. This was found out after getting caught diverting. I know it's hard not to get discouraged. It's exceedingly difficult to feel pride in sobriety when we are constantly judged. You can do this, keep that head of yours up, the way you walk this difficult path will make it easier for others to follow. At the end of these troubles that will be something to be very proud of.

[Twoyearnurse]

Oh, and by the way, you do get to rant fromTime to time about all of this. Have your mad, then keep pushing forward. I generally come to this forum and post my positive moments, but believe me, I have my days where I cry and feel ******. I have to have a complete breakdown before I can pick myself up. It's harder when many don't understand the struggle and you just want to scream "I'm not that person anymore!!!". We all have those days. Just don't Allow yourself to sit in hopelessness too long, you'll end up stuck there!

[sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN]

i had to go to employment sites I would not of considered, but I needed to be working to fullfil my stipulations. I went to LTC, abd learned I liked it , progressed administratively......I have heard that dialysis is friendly also. best of luck and wishes to you. I promise it does get better. if you do what you are supposed to do, it does end, and can be behind you......but you must maintain the principles of sobriety

[Junebug59, RN]

thanks twoyearnurse and sallyrnrrt!! your encouragement is so very appreciated. it's nice to vent to others that understand. when I try and talk to my sister and others, they just don't get it.... thanks you guys.... one of the girls in my support group told me to call her DON at the LTC where she works. I called today and caught the busy DON and she couldn't talk but took my number, so we'll see! hoping this is the one!!

[Twoyearnurse]

It's a good sign that someone is willing to vouch for you. All of my good thoughts are headed towards you tonight. So much distance but it is special having someone worlds away. Just know I am thinking of you!

[RNKellie51303]

So your 9 months in the program and wonder why your not working??? I didn't even get my license back until after 1 year in the program! If you got your license back already you are further along than most. Don't minimalize it..Don't separate yourself from others. We are all fighting whether we stole or not ....we are all addicts. I can tell you that I had my share of the cold shoulder given to me on hundreds of applications and interviews. The biggest piece to the whole puzzle is not to throw in the towel and not to compare your situation with others. My higher power gave me the job when he felt it was necessary for me to receive it on his time..not mine!! Good luck in your search..DON'T GIVE UP!

[Umberlee]

I feel for ya...sometimes when I'm really frustrated with how slowly things are going in rebuilding my career, I come on these forums and I feel awful for even thinking it. But we all have our battles to fight...those of us who diverted have still gotta show up for interviews and say that we stole meds, and man is that excruciating. I get why you're frustrated when you don't even have that piece being held against you, and it really isn't fair. I do think that potential employers look at a criminal history with more scorn, when in reality those of us who diverted but weren't charged just skirted through on the luck and goodwill of whoever was examining our situations. We are criminals too. My employer turned me in to the PD for diversion (which was self-reported, and only of wasted meds) and it was just by the good graces of the detective that I bawled to the day after that I wasn't charged. He very easily could have justified charging me for sure.

Hang in there...I know that probably sounds like hollow advice, but just keep plugging along. Once you get that one bite, and you will, then that will provide the foundation for everything else to get back on track.

[Blessed_RN2011]

I agree with the previous posts- don't give up! Potential employers want to see and hear you have good insite to your situation. Make sure u are coming across humble, and accountable for the role you played in ur situation. Make them understand you take responsibility for your mistakes and are taking necessary action to correct it. And are now moving forward a stronger and better person. Good luck to you! It will happen on Gods time!