I'm coming to an end on my first year as an RN. I worked the first half of it on a medsurg unit where I was absolutely miserable. I felt that my care wasn't efficient or safe. I left there and went to another facility in their ER. For me, I thought "This is exactly where I want to be."
I feel like I bit off more than I could chew coming into the ER as a newer nurse, and I'm nowhere near as happy as I thought I would be. The unit is great and everyone works together for the most part. None of that is the issue. I think it's ME. I feel dumb every day, or like I don't know things. I have doctors look at me like I'm an idiot or annoying them when I ask certain questions. Our shifts suck -- aside from the normal 7A-7P and 7P-7A, we also have 9A-9P, 11A-11P, 3P-3A. You HAVE to work every other weekend, and if you want off a certain weekend, you HAVE to use PTO time (if they even let you be off). I understand that off shifts are a part of the job, but I truly and honestly wish I had evenings or weekends to spend with my husband. The constant flip-flopping from daylight to night to mid-day has messed with my sleep patterns. I continue to feel anxious and stomach sick before work. I have yet to feel that I "love" my job, or even "love" nursing for that matter. I don't feel fulfilled or like I'm doing any kind of impressive work.
I'm just not happy. If someone were to ask me why I became a nurse, I'd have no good answer for them. I didn't grow up dreaming to be a nurse. I didn't have a longing desire to help people. I honestly don't know.
Please don't think I'm a terrible person. I just feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, because part of me wants to leave nursing all together, but I don't believe I can because that'd require going back to school. Part of me thinks leaving bedside nursing might be OK, but I only have 1 year experience.
I don't know what to do. I feel like it's me... and me not loving nursing.
Nursing is not one of those careers with "quick wins"; think of it like the three pigs anology...even when you THINK you know it all, you don't.
One had to be open to remaining inquisitive and knowledgeable at the same time; it is a balancing act the most competent nurse can achieve; but it takes time.
OP: you have to look at what you want from your job, what sort of work suits your personality, and how much of your life you want to gamble on the possibility that in the next 5 years as a nurse you will find happiness & stability.
This is the hard part for me. If you feel miserable at your job how long do you go before you decide it is not for you? I struggle with the new grad "everyone hates it at first" thing and feeling like this is just not my gig. If you don't feel "comfortable" for 5 years...and to enjoy my job I kinda have to feel competent and somewhat "comfortable", does that mean I won't know FOR SURE for 5 years? Whoa. that is a lot of sleepless nights and nauseous mornings.
Guess it depends on how many 10-15 year RNs you've seen still capable of being completely stressed and demoralized by certain assignments. All this shows me is there is no being completely in control in this profession, and God help you when you are because all that does is send word up to the business guys that you aren't worked hard enough.
Thank you all so, so much for your responses. It is so reassuring to know that it isn't just me that's felt this way, and I'm glad it's sparked good, beneficial conversation. I appreciate all the advice!
I'm hoping it isn't 5 years either, but I can see where it would be awhile, especially with me in the ER. I've debated getting my BSN to give myself a little more room to grow in my career, and to give myself a few more opportunities I may not have had otherwise with my diploma, but some days it's hard to push through to get to that point. It's hard to make that commitment financially when I'm not sure if nursing is for me or not. A lot of this is probably the stress of being newer nurse, and you all are probably right, but nonetheless, I am afraid.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Indeed.
Nursing is not one of those careers with "quick wins"; think of it like the three pigs anology...even when you THINK you know it all, you don't.
One had to be open to remaining inquisitive and knowledgeable at the same time; it is a balancing act the most competent nurse can achieve; but it takes time.
Until you realize how much you don't know, you're dangerous. Two years seems to be the time that new grads start feeling comfortable and competent -- but that's two years in the same job, not two years of job hopping.
Start having an exit strategy, like me. You never to old for a career change. Make nursing the job that will pay for the second degree in what you love. If u did nursing and passed, my dear you are an intelligent individual and could change careers swiftly. There goes my 2 cents.
Guess it depends on how many 10-15 year RNs you've seen still capable of being completely stressed and demoralized by certain assignments. All this shows me is there is no being completely in control in this profession, and God help you when you are because all that does is send word up to the business guys that you aren't worked hard enough.
Totally agree! I work with another RN who has been a nurse for at least 15 yrs. She still amazes me with her inability to get it together and deal with hard pt sets. To me, as a
I worked fulltime my first year. Hated it. It was depressing to work every other weekend, to be sleeping half of the week (worked nights), and to watch my family go off having fun when I had to work or sleep. I felt very disconnected from my kids. So after a year I changed to contingent. Only had to do one weekend shift per schedule, and one other regular shift. I still worked 2-3 shifts a week (usually rotating two one week, three the next). I slowed my roll and was able to manage my new career a bit better. After four years working in an area of nursing I have no interest in (med-surge, mostly surgical), I have landed a job in an area I genuinely feel I will love. It is an area I worked in as a nursing student. I could have really ditched the nursing profession all together that first year, it was difficult to acclimate.
I think that working in the ER is a hard thing to do with not much experience. I prefer stable pts myself. I agree with the previous poster who told you to put your family first. I blew mine off for 3 yrs when I was in school and then starting my job. I am fortunate that I don't have any student loans and my husband can pay our bills. I never wanted him to get used to my big paychecks . I went into nursing for the good pay and the flexible hours to help us pay for extras for the kids and retirement, vacations, etc. It has been good knowing that if it gets that bad, I can walk. Thankfully it looks like things are going to change for the better, I am looking forward to beginning my new job with a totally different pt population :).
You need to find the area of nursing you can feel competent and good in, and also the shifts or schedule that work for you and your family. It is possible. Hang in there!
. I went into nursing for the good pay and the flexible hours to help us pay for extras for the kids and retirement, vacations, etc. It has been good knowing that if it gets that bad, I can walk. Thankfully it looks like things are going to change for the better, I am looking forward to beginning my new job with a totally different pt population :).
Curious1alwys, BSN, RN
1,310 Posts
5 YEARS before I feel comfortable?? Ugh.