Is it me or nursing?

Published

I need to know if I'm alone in this.

I'm coming to an end on my first year as an RN. I worked the first half of it on a medsurg unit where I was absolutely miserable. I felt that my care wasn't efficient or safe. I left there and went to another facility in their ER. For me, I thought "This is exactly where I want to be."

I feel like I bit off more than I could chew coming into the ER as a newer nurse, and I'm nowhere near as happy as I thought I would be. The unit is great and everyone works together for the most part. None of that is the issue. I think it's ME. I feel dumb every day, or like I don't know things. I have doctors look at me like I'm an idiot or annoying them when I ask certain questions. Our shifts suck -- aside from the normal 7A-7P and 7P-7A, we also have 9A-9P, 11A-11P, 3P-3A. You HAVE to work every other weekend, and if you want off a certain weekend, you HAVE to use PTO time (if they even let you be off). I understand that off shifts are a part of the job, but I truly and honestly wish I had evenings or weekends to spend with my husband. The constant flip-flopping from daylight to night to mid-day has messed with my sleep patterns. I continue to feel anxious and stomach sick before work. I have yet to feel that I "love" my job, or even "love" nursing for that matter. I don't feel fulfilled or like I'm doing any kind of impressive work.

I'm just not happy. If someone were to ask me why I became a nurse, I'd have no good answer for them. I didn't grow up dreaming to be a nurse. I didn't have a longing desire to help people. I honestly don't know.

Please don't think I'm a terrible person. I just feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, because part of me wants to leave nursing all together, but I don't believe I can because that'd require going back to school. Part of me thinks leaving bedside nursing might be OK, but I only have 1 year experience.

I don't know what to do. I feel like it's me... and me not loving nursing.

Help?!:(

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Maybe apply to other units and get a feel for a new unit for a year or so? That way you can continue to gain experience but also try something new. If it doesn't work out, you can go to NP school or get a Master's in nursing education and become a nurse educator.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.

You may want to stick it out and give it some time. You spent 6 months at one unit and then at another unit. Did you not know the ER job required different shift changes, did you not know about working every other weekend? The last thing you want to do is constantly job hop. If you want weekends and nights off, I would suggest you look into Dr.'s office, Public health, maybe same day surgery. And what type of "impressive work" were you trying to accomplish?

1 year experience is not enough experience to hone your skills and feel comfortable as a nurse, many say it'll take around 5 years. Ultimately, it's up to you if want to stay in the field that long to find out.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I meant impressive as in.... fulfulling, or curing. I don't feel that I've made a difference. Thanks for the posts.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi, i see a nurse that had high hopes and expectations before graduation and seems all is dashed when you started practicing. The thing is, Nursing is not a career that you go into if you do not love to be the extra hand to someone when they can not help themselves. Like my first matron told me when i graduated, some years back, that, no-one can really pay nurses or appreciate nurses for the job we do. It is only the joy of helping someone to do those things they could have done, if they were able to. I will advise that job hopping is not the best especially the first two tears of graduation. It does not allow you to have the real touch of what nursing is all about. We are always grateful to our lecturers at School, but the real world is different from the School world. Work with your colleagues at work and take it a day at a time. Wish you the very best. God bless

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I meant impressive as in.... fulfulling, or curing. I don't feel that I've made a difference. Thanks for the posts.

Ahhh, and that is where your disconnect lies.

We are "healing managers"...NO one "cures" anyone of anything, :no:

"making a difference" is subjective as well.

What do you want to do? Nursing practice is a process that takes time to hone; even when you hone it, there's ALWAYS something ELSE to learn.

We also manage people in their most skid-row vulnerable moment, more so in the ED...you've go to learn a few things, grasshopper: learn to leave work at work, schedule "me" time during some self-study periods to further understand what issue you were exposed to to gain a better understanding the next time you encounter it; as well as take care of yourself!!! Doesn't work to not practice self care when one works in a high energy occupation as nursing is.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, SNF, Rehab, Hospice.

Just about every nurse I have every spoken to, has to work every other weekend. You either get someone to cover your shifts or you have to take it out of your own time. That is normal stuff. Even when I worked PRN, my minimum requirement was to work EOW. We nurses work weekends and holidays. I have missed out on several holiday celebrations because I was scheduled to work. The nature of the "beast". :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

I think it's very hard because in school we're expected to be enthusiastic and hopeful about everything. We just get a *taste* of what being a nurse on a unit is like and it's all exciting and wonderful and novel and yay! But it's not....real. So, even though I see the writing on the wall and I try to remind myself that the reality is completely different, it's hard to stay realistic about what's coming around the bend and not get all giddy.

I think you're working through the end of the honeymoon phase with nursing. It does take a very long time to get comfortable with any job and I think you just need to allow yourself longer than 6 mos to really feel it. You aren't horrible! It's just an adjustment and you should take it day by day. Good luck! :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Primary Care.

Some websites with ideas for non-bedside nursing careers:

10 Unique Non-Bedside Nursing Jobs You Haven’t Considered Yet | Kevin's NCLEX Blog

Alternative Nursing Jobs without Patient Care

https://allnurses.com/first-year-after/new-rn-not-516794.html

I hope you find something fits what you like. I don't like bedside nursing, either. I'm just choosing to push through the experience until I go to graduate school for NP :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

I understand your frustration. Shift rotation is the pits.

As a (very) tenured nurse, I strongly encourage you to always place your family first.... jobs come and go. Nothing is as important as your family.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Anesthesia, ICU, PCU.
1 year experience is not enough experience to hone your skills and feel comfortable as a nurse, many say it'll take around 5 years. Ultimately, it's up to you if want to stay in the field that long to find out.

This is probably true, yet how many nurses have reached the 5 year mark (or 10 year, 15 year, 20 year mark) and still felt that nursing wasn't for them/were miserable? They would tell you the same thing. "I never had a good reason to become a nurse" or "It wasn't my dream." Search it on the internet. There are plenty. Same goes for other jobs too, I'm sure.

OP: you have to look at what you want from your job, what sort of work suits your personality, and how much of your life you want to gamble on the possibility that in the next 5 years as a nurse you will find happiness & stability. I think the same qualities of selflessness and kindness that drive people towards nursing are the same qualities that result in our being taken advantage of as a group of people.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.
This is probably true, yet how many nurses have reached the 5 year mark (or 10 year, 15 year, 20 year mark) and still felt that nursing wasn't for them/were miserable? They would tell you the same thing. "I never had a good reason to become a nurse" or "It wasn't my dream." Search it on the internet. There are plenty. Same goes for other jobs too, I'm sure.

You are missing the context of the section you quoted me. I'm talking about skills and being comfortable in those skills as a nurse.

It is those nurses' prerogative to choose to stay in a job 10/15/20 years knowing it wasn't for them. Maybe out of fear or money, who knows but them. I got out of a job/career that I ultimately knew wasn't for me and got that epiphany sooner than later. I made the leap knowing the responsibilities I had, but glad I did it and not stay in it 20 years down the road.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion