Is it too much to ask?? (vent)

stpauligirl · Feb 2, 2006

I work full-time, make almost 2x as much as hubby, spent 3 1/2 hours a day commuting, and now that our only child is 10 years old I've gone back to school for ME. I'm working towards an ADN and am in my 2nd part-time semester of pre-reqs. This is gonna be a long haul, I'm aware of that. What pisses me off is that I'm getting very little support for this at home. Oh hubby is supportive, "whatever you want to do honey", but just as long as it doesn't rock the boat anywhere else. I pretty much knew that going in, but is it too much to ask that he at least pretend to care?
I really don't expect any true help beyond what he already does (the laundry and some cooking), God forbid he clean a bathroom or anything, but couldn't he at least ask how class is going, what are you studying this week, what are those flash cards for? I talk about my struggles in getting my head around college level math and science at 39 years old and his eyes just glaze over. I couldn't care LESS about his danged hobby painting that he does, but I would never let him see that and I always ask how its going.
I'm just so mad and disappointed. My 10 year old, who thank goodness is good at math unlike her mama, is at least interested in what I'm learning. I guess its too much to ask that the man I love, who I've been married to for 11 years, care about something that's important to me

What's his education level, maybe he is afraid to ask you about school because he doesn't feel smart enough and couldn't help you? People who have not been to college can be very intimidated by academic things......

Stdy2BaNurse · Feb 2, 2006

Deep breaths! It is okay to be upset. My husband was the same way at first. One thing that got his attention is when I quit my job and went to school full-time. Of course this isn't an option for everyone - I understand that. I continued to do very well, without his support. When people would ask how I did it, I simply said by the Grace of God. Somewhere in the last 9-12 months he has done a complete turn around. He offers to help me study, he is always telling somebody about how well I'm doing and what classes I'm in now. The other day, during his ushers meeting at church, he was sooo proud of my TEAS score that he told them during praise reports! I got so many congratulations later that it was unbelievable. Anyway, my point is, that you keep doing the right thing. Set your priorities and if he starts feeling 'lonely' it would be a great opportunity to bring up the issues gently. Like maybe him just taking over 1 chore around the house. My DH does dishes and I do the laundry. That was our middle ground for housework. Then as a family we take care of the house cleaning. It may not be as clean as it used to be - but we PRIORITIZED.

Don't know if this will help but keep the faith. You ARE doing a good thing and it will pay-off in the end. Keep strong and when the time is right, approach him with your concerns; otherwise, it might just get worse.

Just my thoughts - good luck -

T

Stdy2BaNurse · Feb 2, 2006

What's his education level, maybe he is afraid to ask you about school because he doesn't feel smart enough and couldn't help you? People who have not been to college can be very intimidated by academic things......

Yeah - that, too. I got that from my dh at first as well.

NurseLatteDNP, MSN, DNP, RN · Feb 2, 2006

My husband was the same at first. I started school in 2003, and he had never asked me about exams, grades and he really did not care, unless I could not cook him dinner because I had a lot of studying to do :banghead: . But now it is all a changed story. He asks me what grade I got, offers to watch our daughter while I am studying and he is very supportive. I think in the beginning he did not really believe that I will stick to my plans and stay in school. Now that he sees how good I am doing and how close I am to the RN licence, he had a major turnaround :yeah: . He even talks about my school to all of his friends and co workers now. If somebody would have told me that 2 years ago, I would just laugh. Just wait and stick to your goals. He will come around. Do not give up.

RNOTODAY, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2006

What's his education level, maybe he is afraid to ask you about school because he doesn't feel smart enough and couldn't help you? People who have not been to college can be very intimidated by academic things......

I didnt read on, but great great point.....

If they have never experienced it, they just dont know what it entails in the least, they simply dont know what to ask about!!!

heysmalls · Feb 2, 2006

I got the same thing from mine as well. You just have to hang in there and do the best that you can. In time he will start to wonder and then begin to ask questions. Don't cause yourself anymore heartache than what is necessary. Your priority (other than your child) is to make it through school. It will benefit everyone in the long run. It's hard, but you can do it.

Will be praying for you and Good Luck

DaughterofRuth · Feb 2, 2006

I think he is feeling a little intimidated, hates change in general, and thinks I'll fail on the follow through. Sounds like a pretty common set of reactions from what I've read here. :rolleyes:

Thanks so much for your support, I was really starting to feel alone here.

kellyjean · Feb 2, 2006

Yeah - that, too. I got that from my dh at first as well.

Stupid question...what does the "D" stand for in DH??

Hang in there, I'm in my last semester of pre-reqs right now and my hubby couldn't be any more supportive for the first time...he hated the thought of me going to school to be a nurse at first...they really do come around after they get used to your new routine. I think mine was jealous bc I was spending much of my time elsewhere (school or studying), and not paying that much attention to him. Thank goodness we found that happy medium!

DaughterofRuth · Feb 2, 2006

The "D" depends upon your mood ... mostly mine is a Dear Hubby, except in this area. :roll

Congrats on finding that happy medium ... I look forward to finding our own at home!

KatieBell · Feb 2, 2006

Not that you have a lot of time, but one thing that helped a friedn of mine was to invite another student and her husband over for dinner one night. Her husband and the other husband got along pretty well, and turns out both were a little (not a lot) more supportive after they realized they weren't the only one....

adamsmom · Feb 2, 2006

I know what you mean. At 40 I changed jobs and became a CNA and work on weekends. I also started my pre-reqs. I got a 4.0 last semester, he did not even say thats great. He does watch the kids and between him and my Mom they watch them most of the weekend so I can work and sleep.

But has he even asked what am I learning, just what time will I be home. My 5 and 10 year old ask and look over my sholder and ask questions about what is this and what is that. Not my husband.

Hang in there, remember this is for you and not him.