In TPAPN and currently in IOP. Tested pos in IOP...do I need to tell my CM?

Persephone Paige, ADN · Mar 31, 2018

Just be honest... It may set you back the time you've accumulated thus far, but so what. Lesson learned.... I can tell you that all the things you listed: lethargy, apathy, lack of interest are completely normal. They are not fun, but normal for a brain that has not been asked to release the naturally occuring pleasure or equalizing substances for a while. The question I had to ask myself was do I want to get to a point where I no longer need an outside substance to feel "normal." My normal, not somebody else's. My answer for a while was, "no." And it took a while for me to be honest with myself. I went through several treatment and IPN ( Florida ) stints until I finally admitted to myself that I did not want to be sober at that point in my life. I wish I had come to that conclusion sooner. It would have saved me and many people who were trying to help me a lot of headaches.

The advocacy programs are not here to help us. They are in place to protect the public while we help ourselves and manage to not lose ( or choose to lose ) our licenses in the process.

So, do you truly want help? If your answer is 'yes,' then tell the truth. If your answer is 'no,' then you have 2 choices. You can try to play the game where you use Kratom and are still in the same place you were and just hope you don't get caught. Or, bite the bullet, put your license on hold and use whatever substance you want to. That's what I did. I wasn't ready to quit when I got intervened on. I wanted to use. So, I did and let my license go until I was serious about recovery. Then, when I was I came back. It was so much easier that way and I wish I had done that from the start. No drug screens, no panic, etc...

I petitioned the FBON when I was ready, re-entered IPN and it's been a success. Not always fun, but a success.

The feeling like "ass" part passed for me, but it took time. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and once I got out of the mindset that there was a substance available that could make me feel better, I stopped thinking of it as an option. I do take my anti-depressants as prescribed. Exercise, meditation, spirituality, etc... help to fill the void.

Good luck and God Bless.

Eris Discordia BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2018

Simple answer is your IOP program fills reports out and submits them to TPAN, so your case manager will find out...either from you both or just them.

You're early on, so hopefully that will play in your favor.

JustBreatheRN · Mar 31, 2018

What reports other than specific items requested (such as the patient progress reports the psych fills out, medication forms, ect) would this be reported on? TPAPN asks for specific forms but I havent heard them requesting information without me having to consult the rehab or IOP. I'm just worried about being honest and f***ing myself over.

Edit: Are you in TX as well?

Indiana RN, BSN · Mar 31, 2018

I know that while I was in IOP if I failed a drug test my therapist would automatically contact my CW.

Big Blondie, ASN, BSN, MSN, APRN · Mar 31, 2018

Your IOP is likely to inform TPAPN. TPAPN will probably staff your case and I would get ready for possible in patient treatment. I could be wrong. Hoping the best for you.

StillRN · Mar 31, 2018

Is it possible to just ask you IOP counselor if there is anything you can do to prevent her from turning you in? My AODA counselor (my old one) turned me in for admitting I had taken a blood pressure medication that wasn't prescribed to me because I was at work and 180/118.. they didn't care.. and neither did the board.. that was considered a relapse!! About 9 mos later.. and lots of arguments over turning me in.. she wanted to turn me in for drug seeking behavior because I was getting pain meds from my dentist for multiple oral surgeries. Plus she wanted me to give her permission to talk to my dentist. I told her HELL no! I said why don't I just go lay in the middle of the street naked?! Cuz that's how much privacy I have left with this board crap. We argued.. but in the end we agreed that I would attend mor sessions and do some other stuff to keep her from turning me in. I did what she asked and she didn't report it.

Your IOP may very likely turn you in.. but if you are able to ask her to meet privately and discuss it, explain what and why ..and your desire to be successful she may be willing to work with you. It doesn't hurt to try. I'm of the opinion the less the board knows , the better. Recovery is hard and we aren't perfect beings (like they expect us to be). You are very new in recovery and they may give you another chance. If not, at least you really won't lose much of any time.

I'm sorry you are going through this hell, but you are not alone!!

Just ignore all the perfect, judgemental, and just plain mean people on here who have nothing better to do than kick others while they are down because it makes them feel superior. Same crap in the entire nursing profession!!!

Eris Discordia BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2018

What reports other than specific items requested (such as the patient progress reports the psych fills out, medication forms, ect) would this be reported on? TPAPN asks for specific forms but I havent heard them requesting information without me having to consult the rehab or IOP. I'm just worried about being honest and f***ing myself over.
Edit: Are you in TX as well?

They have you sign a release so that they can communicate with your doctors and treatment team. They give the IOP certain forms, usually monthly, to complete about how you are doing. My IOP had to submit them monthly and had my CM's direct number to call with any issues.

I guess you need to clarify this with your IOP counselor. If for some crazy reason, they aren't communicating with TPAN, I certainly wouldn't confess to them. But again, I've never heard of monitoring programs not getting your IOP records at some point.

dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2018

I would just ask your counselor if they will report this. Otherwise you're trying to calculate odds with very little information and gonna drive yourself crazy doing so.

allnurses Guide · Mar 31, 2018

I would just ask your counselor if they will report this. Otherwise you're trying to calculate odds with very little information and gonna drive yourself crazy doing so.

!This!

Eris Discordia BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2018

Regardless of the outcome you face, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and be proud that you are continuing to fight. You are dealing with one heck of an addiction that is incredibly difficult to kick. But you are doing it. Many people need methadone or suboxone to wean off that kind of use, even if they don't stay on those meds long term.

Years ago, before the Board ever knew my name, I was addicted to various hard core IV opiates. I tried quitting cold turkey and couldn't do it. Since I wasn't working, I ended up going on methadone for three months to kick the habit. But in my anonymity, at least I had the luxury of using methadone to come down. I planned to use it as long as I needed, but after 3 months, I felt ready to come off. I weaned off methadone in 12 days. I've been clean from opiates for over 3, almost 4 years now.

If you aren't facing public discipline in exchange for being in monitoring, I would keep trying to stay clean without pharmaceutical help and just keep on plugging. But if you already have public discipline, like a previous poster said, perhaps it would be easier to pause monitoring and use something like suboxone or kratom to stay clean...until you are ready to handle being completely substance free like these programs require. Then come back.

Regardless of your choice, know that most of us aren't interesting in flogging people who are obviously struggling. The people I struggle understanding are the people who say that they are not addicted to whatever, but still try to find a way to use that problem substance of choice. We sometimes do give reality checks to those folks. Like, if you aren't addicted, then it shouldn't be a physical problem not to use it.

They can certainly be pissed that they aren't allowed to use it, that's fair game (thinking mainly alcohol here). They can vent their feelings of resentment all day, no problem. But when those people say they don't have an alcohol problem and never have, but they are unable to or chose not to abstain from alcohol as required in their contract...yeah, sometimes we do point out the inconsistencies in what they are saying versus what they are actually doing. And that can look like judgement.

But you admit to addiction, admit to physically and emotionally struggling...and the fact of the matter is that many people with true addiction struggle with lapses or relapses. I HATE that these programs can't wrap their brains around that. You are super early on in recovery of a serious addiction. You should never be flogged. You SHOULD be supported and long as you truly desire to stay clean and sober.

Know this: you AND your struggles are welcome. We will support you as best we know how. Some people are more tactful than others here. Some people do give some tough love...but usually those folks have some personal experience that backs their opinion, and usually they are just trying to help you avoid a pitfall that they have experienced or witnessed.

Contact your IOP counselor. Talk to them. They are the only ones who can tell you what is actually going to happen from a reporting standpoint.

Good luck and keep us posted if you can.

SpankedInPittsburgh, DNP, RN · Apr 1, 2018

Yeah, I don't know about the particulars of your monitoring program but in mine I signed a zillion releases. The monitoring Nazis are likely to have access to all your records for review so even if your IOP counselor doesn't rat on you its likely you are gonna get busted. Having said that I still don't know if I would admit to anything. From what I've seen honesty has no reward in these programs. If you wanna be rigorously honest save that for recovery. Monitoring has nothing to do with recovery and everything to do with harsh punishment. So far as the hyper-judgmental nursey-poo twits, don't worry about them. Its nursing and the price of doing business. Nursing is filled to the gills with over-functioning, gossipy, mean spirited, jaded idiots. Accept there presence but don't interact or respect. Remember don't feed the pig