In monitoring program (DMU) 4 1/2 years sober and screwed up!

Nurses Recovery

Published

Help! I am absolutely freaking out now. I am a recovering alcoholic and have been without a drink for 4 1/2 years. In those years AA and my higher power has provided me with multiple blessings. I had previously surrendered my LPN lic due to my drinking. In sobriety I joined PNAP and after 3 years of following their program flawlessly I was able to have my lic re-instated under a DMU contract. During this time I went back to school and just graduated as an RN, I passed my boards and was blessed with a job in a D&A facility that is sympathetic to my 6 month narcotics restrictions. Everything has been wonderful in my life...then I made the poor decision to take one of my dog's tramadols due to stomach cramps. I honestly don't know what I was thinking...how could I have been so careless. I am devestated and terrified! I recieved a phone call from my PNAP case manager today and I told her what I did. She said I needed to stop work immediately and that I will have to send a letter to the BON and wait to see if my lic will be suspended for another 3 years. I am feeling suidical right now and scared to death. I keep asking myself how could I have been so stupid and careless. I know better! I am praying they will consider extending my DMU agreement and allow me to go back to work in a timely matter. My boss was very kind and said she will hold my job, she knows I am relieable and I never gave her a reason to doubt me. Has anyone out there been in a similar situation? If so, what was the outcome? I have not told my family yet, they are going to be devestated, I just need to know if I should just get out of this field. I can't go unemployed for another 3 years. I am very grateful that this hasn't made me want to pick up a drink, for me that would ensure death, but I am so upset. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Specializes in long-term-care, LTAC, PCU.

I'm glad you are feeling better and let me tell you that I have been in your shoes before. I'm glad you reached out to someone in recovery.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I am sorry I don't have an answer for you. I just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing person for going through all that you have, never giving up and sticking with it. I wish you the best of luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

while you did the right thing and notified your CM for taking a prescription that you did not have... out of curiosity, you know tramadol does not show up under any drug test, or was this more of a clear of conscious reason to inform your CM?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Tramadol does show up on test used by TPAPN , I speak from experience .

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Unfortunately, it does show up, any substance can show up depending on what they are testing for and what option is choosen. I am pretty certain even OTC such as claritin, benadrly, and robitussin...ect show up. Our contracts state we can not use anything other then ASA, Motrin, or tylenol without doctors note. I have been extremely carefull for the past 4 years, I even had my doc write a perscription for multivit and iron supplements in the past. This time, I was just completely impulisive, and took the pill without thought of consequences...this was soooo not like me...which makes me question my program and where I was headed next. 4 1/2 years I have been flawless in my monitoring program, never missed a call, UDS, payment or report. How quickly my life has changed. Now my future is uncertain and I am living with constant fear and anxiety,,,just like I did when I was a drunk...the only difference is I am not drinking to calm my nerves...thank god.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

TXRNC, what was your experience? I am asking because I still have not heard what is going to be my fate. I have submitted a letter to BON explaining what I did, I went for an evaluation from a BON approved therapist. He said he is going to reccommend that suspension will be counterproductive. My employeer said she will try to save my position, but I don't think she will be able to for very long. I have to tell my family tomorrow about my situation and they are going to be crushed. I am hoping I can at least give them some hope that this will get resolved and that I will not lose my lic. This waiting game is starting to really work on me...I have been hitting a lot of meetings and praying contantly but it isn't helping ease my nerves too much :(

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Two weeks relapse prevention and restart of my contract but could return work after about a week

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks TXRNC, hopefully I get that lucky, my cm said that is what she is going to reccommend, although she said it is likely that they will suspend my lic for 3 years, I am hoping not.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I am not sure if your still logging in but I have a couple questiona. I am in Ca on LVN probation just got a letter of violation for missing a BFT test, and turning in quarlwry report late and education plan. Do you think my license will get revoked or extended. Also sbould i get a lawyer.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.

Kudos to you for realizing that you lost touch with the real reason for staying sober: yourself and getting the monkey off your back. It was better that you came forward and told your case manager what happened. I think there's a good chance they might be willing to give you a second chance.

You are stronger than you know. Keep us posted. *Hug*

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.
Thank you Cat_lady83, good advice. I am hoping I am strong enough to do what I need to do and make it a learning experience no matter what the outcome is. When I first got sober I had no intention of trying to re-instate my nursing lic, I just wanted to be sober and free of this awlful disease. Since then my priorities shifted into being "super-nurse" and other ego-driven roles. I need to get back to what is #1 importance, and that is my sobriety, not just reframing from a drink, but living the program and helping others, honesty, doing the next right thing...all those principals that I have obviously put on the back burner lately.

love you, and best wishes........ Welcome to the human condition....

my advice, most were from learned behaviors , I goofed on....... I remember to this day, thinking in 1988, I'm successful in AA & NA......I can use a little Demerol waste, and manage if, as I know how to work the steps........talk about stinking thinking...........

I intensified the sobriety, and my personal recovery.........before too many years, I no longer was working the steps, but was living them..........and the promises are real.......

im so proud, grateful, I completed my monitored stipulations, in 2010, I am a better nurse, for completing, traveling my rocky past.........

The best advice you have been given, is "keep trying to do the best / right thing.......

again, love you, you are not alone, and recovery can work if you work/live it

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment