I'm sick of taking care of people who don't care

lpnornot · Mar 30, 2009

I wanted to share something that I learnt recently from a nutritionist that I'm sure most of you know but that most dont seem to and it shocked me:

Did you know that the main course of a meal should be vegetables and this is odviousy not the american way. Half the plate should be vegetables. 51/2 cups of fruits and vegetables. She said after eating that much in a day see if you have room for a cookie.

I've been taking that to heart lately. I've lost a few pounds. i was one of the lucky ones who could eat anything and not gain weigth. though I hated being so skinny. Then i started antidepressants and gained too mcuh weight. Then my triglycerides and LDL were up a few months ago. I eat well and exercise so I'm keeping my weight in check for the most part. Luckily for me it hasnt been to hard, but that's me.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Mar 30, 2009

Then you are not qualified to judge how difficult it is for the morbidly obese to gain control of our weight and food issues. You have no concept of what we suffer, or what we go through every day just trying to navigate our way through life.

Punishing us for our offenses against our own bodies---and against society as well, according to some---will not "fix" us. Only we can do that, and only against extremely long odds.........a fact which cannot be truly appreciated by those who have never walked in our worn-out moccasins.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Mar 31, 2009

Gee Marla, I really appreciate your openness here. You're right that some of us don't understand very well.

I grew up in a health conscious family. My mother had really good eating habits, especially considering I grew up in the 60's when the idea of a healthy breakfast was bacon and eggs and hash browns. I was actually raised on skim milk until I was a teenager when I put my foot down and insisted on whole milk. We never ate fried foods and we weren't allowed any sugar cereals. We never had pop or chips in the house.

What I'm saying here is that my mom laid the foundation for healthy eating. It was only natural for me to live like that. Not everyone had that advantage. I didn't have an idyllic childhood by any means, but I thank my mother very much for some of the positives she instilled in me.

Ironically, it didn't do her much good, she died at age 62 from a subarachnoid brain aneurysm. That taught me loud and clear that we are merely mortals, everyone of us.

nunya2008 · May 9, 2009

Those of you who are on here and moan and complain about your patients are pathetic. Like VivaLasViejas says, you don't know what people go through. You have no idea the past physical or emotional problems someone has had to deal with. You don't know what it is like to have a health crisis and or personal crisis and not have the resources, be they monetary, physical, mental, emotional, whatever, to pick yourself back up. You don't know that many people are ill-informed and not by choice. People in the medical profession are busy and it is unbelievably difficult to get information especially when your case may be a bit different.

You should be a nurse because you genuinely want to help people, because you have the ability to care for someone and make them better, not to judge them or for the money. Reading through this, some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You are bitter people who obviously feel no compassion for anyone. You dislike your patients and you can bet your behind that they dislike you too. Patients are respectful of nurses who are kind and caring and helpful. They can tell right away when someone is in it just for the money and they think it is just as pathetic as you know in your heart that you are.

Being a nurse and being disgruntled towards your patients is like being a teacher and hating children. Those of you who fall into that category need to get over your bad attitude or just do us all a favor and quit.

NIGHTWOLF87 · May 9, 2009

from an optimist's point of view, think about all these non-compliant people as "job security", because if everyone took care of themselves the way they should, a lot of us nurses would be out of a job

RN1982 · May 9, 2009

After I read Nunyo's post, I was thinking "what the hell?" then I moved onto Marla's post. I am SO SICK of people being so judgemental towards the obese. Instead of calling the obese lazy, how about trying to find the underlying reasons why that person is obese. I have found mine. I have many reasons. My obesity is my protection/security blanket. Sounds jacked up but its true. Kept me from dealing with the things in my life that I am now forcing myself to deal with.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · May 9, 2009

After I read Nunyo's post, I was thinking "what the hell?" then I moved onto Marla's post. I am SO SICK of people being so judgemental towards the obese. Instead of calling the obese lazy, how about trying to find the underlying reasons why that person is obese. I have found mine. I have many reasons. My obesity is my protection/security blanket. Sounds jacked up but its true. Kept me from dealing with the things in my life that I am now forcing myself to deal with.

And how's that working for you?

Doesn't do it for me either.

I don't know why I've had to re-learn this over and over, but here's the honest truth: the only way to get PAST a problem is to go straight through it. Medicating ourselves with food, alcohol, drugs, and other addictive substances/behaviors only delays the inevitable...........we have to deal with our traumas at some point, or otherwise they come back to bite us in the butt. Then, of course, we get to deal with a bunch of guilt on top of the original issue. Pretty unproductive, isn't it?

Sure wish I'd gotten this through my thick skull 150 pounds ago...........oh well, better late than never, I suppose!

3boysmom3 · May 9, 2009

I used to get really angry with people who carelessly sabotaged their own health and drain the health care system and taxpayers, but as I age my thoughts have changed a little.

I think we tend to view these people as folks who enjoy living off others sweat, money and kindness. But more and more I have come to realize that in almost every case, even though they may laugh and appear to have not a care in the world, these folks are deeply unhappy. They are wallowing, so to speak, and stagnating in an unfulfilled life. Some are doomed to a painful and lonely early death.

Should they care more? Yes. Should they get off their butt and do something about it? Of course. But, I don't know every circumstance of their life. Let he without sin cast the first stone. I don't have any control over theri behavior. What I do have control over is my own behavior. I can show love to every human being, and treat them equally no matter whether they are "deserving." My favorite thing about my life is my ability to feel like I have done the best I can every day. It helps me feel fulfilled and to have purpose. I can think of little sadder than to live the life some of these folks live. What do they have that they can say they feel good about? If you asked them, they might say "my pizza" or "my beer" but they aren't really living lives that they can offer up as at the end and say "I gave my best." I try not to judge them, but I do worry about them and am deeply saddened by these cases, and wish I could do something that would be truly helpful to them. But, all I know to do is to treat them with kindness, dignity and hopefully a little grace. It must be painful to be in their shoes. Sometimes it's painful to be in my shoes, or your shoes. All we can do is help each other out and pray that any mercy we show others will be returned to us.

lamazeteacher · May 9, 2009

"Let them walk a mile in the others' shoes", and the intolerance toward those whose agenda has been overfull for a long time, and cannot squeeze one more item into it, will be better understood.

My expectations of patients according to my values, aren't theirs, nor should they be, until they see those as their expectations, as well. Sometimes people who are overwhelmed will seem or say they agree with you, when it takes too much energy to disagree or explain their state of mind.

Common goals don't necessarily have the same means of achieving them. Sauce for the goose isn't always tasty for the gander. I remember getting irritated because ine couple in the pernatal class series I was teaching (when I was much younger) weren't keeping up with the material and techniques taught. They had a desperate look in their eyes. I spent some time with them at the break, and found that their house had burned down that week, and they were staying with acquaintances, having nothing of their own left. We set other goals, based on THEIR needs......

One more platitude that I love is, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears". So stay patiently in the wings, observing your patients for signs of actual readiness before jumping in with your solution! Only when they are part of their own solution, will the process of healing begin.

lpnornot · May 9, 2009

I learnt a valuable lesson recently. I was told very harshly by someone I care about that amoung other things that I can be really really judgemental and disrespectful and nonappreciative. it was said really harshly and I because it was someone I cared about it really hit me and then I realized what he meant like a thunderbolt. then all the other time other people had said the same thing nicely or otherwise came flooding in. I realized the horrible way I think that people are out to get me and how I judge people for how they live-self destructive ways, with my patients too. So maybe tough love from someone who is in a position to give it will open the door to all the freindly advice we have given to our pt that seemed to go nowhere. And maybe it wont, but at least we tried.

This wonderful thing happened when i let go of the negative thoughts, it was like a sense of peace came over me. I get along so much better wiht my clients now. They listen to me more now that I'm not always reminding them of what they should be doing- taking meds as prescribed, eating more healthy food. We get along better. They seem happier. I was spewing out a lot of bad "energy" and it doesnt feel good to feel like that. I give my pts the respect now of choices-eg. this meal has a lot of unhealthy ingredients , this one doesnt and they are on their own. I remind them kindly, because they forget, abotu their medical conditions. i try to make the day happy. If they chose to shorten their lives by eating yummy but unhealthy food, at least they are happier for that time and they are given the respect to make their own choices.

It is annoying how pts tax the medical system. As a caregiver theres nothing I can do. it seems like its out of my hands. its a political thing. I hope we will have a universal healthcare system based on low premiums and where people pay a percentage of the medical costs so they wont abuse the system. I have seen waste on a limited scale-pts renting equipement for 3 yrs and going when it could have been paid for in 6mths. Pts not following medical advice and continuously going to doctors about the same problem. All I can do is be as respectful as I can to them and hope they will listen to me when I suggest that they follow the advice of these professionals (that medicare ie tax payers are paying for) and stop the revolving door thing.

Vito Andolini · May 9, 2009

Sure, I am sick of it, also. And, I believe more money is wasted by chasing after such patients.
An example of money wasted (but, looks like I'll benefit-sorry to say) is that recently, I asked to be crosstrained. The best thing I have ever decided because I really learned more about how insane this hospital functions. Currently, I have been assigned to work OB/GYN and just yesterday, I was told that over 1500 abnormal labs (yeah, that's right!!) have been discovered where the patients have not been contacted. We deal with an immigrant population that migrates often, to avoid INS. People have been trying to contact many of these patients since 2007. They are desperately afraid of lawsuits, so, they received an approval to pay staff overtime to try and reach these people. So, beginning this weekend, until only God knows when, I will reap the overtime with a few PCAs to call and try to trace these people. Today, a PCA taught me how to use the computer system to obtain the labs, trace when they last came, etc...
So, we did a few today for me to get the picture. Did about 50. I am serious, most of their numbers were wrong, bad addresses, etc... I mean, many of them did not bother to return for their results. Now, I KNOW that this is a lawsuit waiting to happen...that the facility is ultimately responsible for this fiasco, but, when I was reading the computerized charts, I saw notes where the providers told these patients that it would be in their best interests to return, since many of them admitted to having multiple sexual partners and were not protecting themselves. Many have been treated at least 3 times in one year for Chlamydia and other diseases (some were treated for two VDs at the same time). I have run into many a few weeks ago where I did a great deal of teaching about their disease and the importance of treatment for both, themselves and their partner. At least three told me they had no intention of treating their partner, and one even ripped up the addresses I gave for the Department of Health (yet, somehow, I knew that they still intended to sleep with the same guy who infected them).
I have had angry women call their partners on their cell phone to cuss them out, then, pass ME the cell phone. One dude said to me "Tell her she got if off of a toilet seat. I don't want to get in trouble for cheating on her (can you IMAGINE??)", only for the woman to get back on the phone and promise to cook him a great dinner when she gets home.
You MUST be a psychic, who read my mind this week...I plan to send a blank check for $3.99 a minute for this one...

I fail to see how the hospital can be liable if attempts to reach the patients are documented. Date, time, what number or address or other means you utilized, message left and exactly what it was, etc. We are not gods. If people don't want to be found or if they've migrated away, what are you supposed to do?

Vito Andolini · May 9, 2009

I'm sick of the system more than I am of patients who may be using the system. I honestly believe that if healthcare didn't cost an arm, two children, and a leg 1/2 of the population that presents themselves to the ER in late stage illness wouldn't exist. Frankly I also believe that your "example" of who actually cares about their health care and wellness is rather poor. Rich and upper middle class people go to a chiropractor and care about wellness. People with a lower economic status can't afford to dwell on "wellness" because it costs almost as much as seeing a doctor and it does not "cure" any body like an antibiotic might.
My father, a hard working man all his life, works as a computer contractor for a bank. This is a job that he has had for 10 years and despite asking multiple times he still does not have insurance. So now you have a man who has type II diabetes who can't afford to make regular vists to a foot specialist and an endocrinologist to get regular check ups. A 50ish year old man who has not been able to find work elsewhere because "his computer skills are out dated." A man who does not take care of himself as he might if a doctor's visit didn't cost $200. My mother is in the same position. She got laid off a job that had insurance after 12 years of employment. She really hasn't been able to find a new one (neither of my parents have a degree) because her "skills aren't up to date" even though she has gone regularly to free unemployment agencies to work on her computer skills. My parents don't take care of themselves as they should and to most of us know-it-all judgemental nurses it might appear like they don't care about their health. Well people its because they can't afford to care! This would be why our health care system SUCKS!
Next time you come across a patient that is doing something "stupid" think a second. Maybe having unprotected sex with multiple people is how your patient has to pay the bills. We are so submerged in our culture with propaganda stating "There is always a way out" or "You can make a choice to do something different" but those statements are not always true. In fact with they way our economy is right now I would bet more often than not the people you are running into didn't have many options available to them.
Look I'm not saying that healthcare should be free and that regarless of the patient's stupidity we should have to take care of them, but I am saying that if decent health care was remotely affordable maybe we wouldn't have as many patients who don't seem to care about themselves.

Please inform your elected reps and Senators of your parents' problems and demand free health care, just like the elected guys have. It's time for America to fix this problem. Insurance should not be tied to a job. It should be readily and immediately available, just like in Canada, Germany, Cuba, and France, to name but a few countries.