I'm failing at life.

Published

I'm really stressed out and really don't know what to do. I've failed A&P II twice and I am taking it a third time. The classes were not that hard, but I kept procrastinating out of pure stupidity both times. There were multiple times that I've failed non-nursing classes (not completing enough credits per program policy) and my graduation date kept being pushed off more and more. I was about to be kicked out of the school because I kept failing numerous times. I pleaded with the Dean of Nursing and the Director of the school to keep me in the program with an appeal I made. I was successful at that and I am currently completing my classes. However, my paradigm hasn't changed at all. It's more than halfway through the course and I'm failing. I calculated that if I continue to get perfect scores on everything I can pass the nursing classes, but I am unsure about A&P II. My motivation for school and life in general in ridiculously low to the point of suicide.

Every night before, I tell myself I will do my assignments all tomorrow, but keep pushing it off until late at night, where the cycle begins again.

One of my classes, one of my assignments has been graded with an "R" and I have no idea what it means. This is my last chance to stay in the program and I feel like if I start clinicals (which is next quarter), I can maintain a momentum to keep me going.

I just need some advice on how I can pass my classes and stop procrastinating because "just do it" is not working for me; I have a fear of even starting the assignments because I may fail, which is ridiculous and nonsensical. I've thought about seeking a therapist for my issues, will that show up on my records if I were to become a nurse?

I apologize for this post being a bit confusing. It's nearly 2 am and I'm having a panic attack.

My background story: After I graduated from high school, I went to a well-known university in the state to become a pharmacist. I failed my classes the first quarter and was kicked out without warning or a second chance because I was away from home for the first time in my life and wasn't mentally prepared at all. At that point, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I went on going to a community college to complete my prerequisites and finding a job as a pharmacy technician, but I was still unmotivated. I switched to nursing because I honestly didn't know what to do with my life and still don't, and nursing seemed to be a suitable route. My parents want me to complete school quickly so I can start making a decent lifestyle for myself. There's so much pressure right now, I can't even handle it. I'm 23 and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in life yet. I'll be 24 by the time I finish this program, which is about a year more than was expected. I feel as if I'm always running out of time and like life and everything is pointless; I don't see the purpose of it anymore.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in hospice.

You may need a therapist. This is a repetitive cycle where you know the consequences, yet keep repeating the same actions that lead to failure.

I want to ask you a question: what makes you happy? What gets you excited? What is something you can't wait to get out of bed for?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
My motivation for school and life in general in ridiculously low to the point of suicide.
Welcome to Allnurses.com!

I am going to be straightforward and rip the band-aid off with my advice: you need to see a psychiatrist or other type of mental health professional as soon as possible. If you really are having suicidal thoughts, call 800-SUICIDE. A lack of academic success is not worth taking your life. We care. Your life is more valuable than some college degree or nursing license.

You have self-deprecating thoughts that are resulting in self-defeating behaviors. When the undesirable consequences of your behaviors arise (read: poor grades, low achievement), a self-fulfilling prophecy takes flight. You have poor expectations, as evidenced by your user name. You act upon these poor expectations through procrastination and lack of punctuality.

Poor Expectations + Poor Habits = Failure

You already know Albert Einstein's famous insanity quote. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." You do the same things over and over, and you end up with the same predictable results. Something's gotta change. I suspect the change must come from within. Change your thoughts. Seek professional mental health counseling ASAP.

Good luck to you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Please seek help for your anxiety and depression. It doesn't sound at all like you are dumb or a failure. It sounds like you are a person who is really suffering. I think you need to take care of yourself and deal with this before you can worry about school. It sounds like the depression is crippling, to the point where you are not going to succeed in school and it's going to make you feel even worse.

Please give yourself a chance. I think therapy and medication would really help you. Please don't hurt yourself over your past failures. You can get help and I think if you do, you will do well in school. It doesn't matter how old you are. Put off thinking about success in a career for a moment and get yourself the help that you need. I'm speaking as a person who has been through therapy and medication, so you can know that I'm not judging you. Please make an action plan and get help TOMORROW.

It does get better.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

PLEASE seek counseling! You seem very depressed and that is where the lack of motivation begins ((HUGS)) Seek counseling at your campus. Seek out an adviser to help you.

Suicide is NEVER the answer.https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You might need to take some time off of school and work on yourself for a while. There is no shame in getting your life worked out first. Work on you (maybe go talk to someone), and then reevaluate the school situation. We all have times where we stumble and struggle. My worry is that you stated you don't see a purpose anymore. Please take the advice of everyone here and talk to someone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice, Palliative Care.

Hugs:

Failing a class does not mean failing at life. Do you know how many times Thomas Edison had problems with his experiments? They Did Not Give Up is a good read.

My recommendation is to finish any general education requirements you have on your plate, to see a professional to help you deal with your anxiety (it’s ok) in a constructive way, and to give some introspection over what you might love to do. Take a few minutes to watch

She hits it on the head that if nursing is not your passion, then you will hate it and leave. Nursing is not just any field one goes into for the money (there is not nursing shortage – I repeat there is no nursing shortage); there needs to be a level of passion, a commitment to stay in it through to the end. You really need to look at what you want to do with your life; not what your parents want, what your friends want, but what you want. Then invest yourself in it.

Involve others to help you by asking for help. Start by recognizing you are special, unique, and far from a failure. Learn from your mistakes, and move on.

Thank you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

I'm not even going to advise you on the school stuff right now because you have way bigger problems than school. Please seek help!! Call the 800 suicide prevention hotline. You need to get your depression taken care of before you can even think about tackling school.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuroscience.

As stated before, you definitely need to seek help. Depression could be the reason for the failing grades, but the grades aren't the most important thing here. You are.

School does not define who you are. You were still "you" before you entered college, and there is no rush to get everything finished by a certain age.

Please seek help. Talk to a counselor, call the suicide prevention hotline number that Esme gave you, but please understand that your grades do not define you. They are neither a reflection of your personality or your capability. I am so happy that you posted your thoughts and feelings here, and I sincerely hope you follow the advice given! *Hugs*

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with the other posters. I think you need to take some time off and figure out what it is you really would love to do. Picking nursing just because it seems like a "suitable" choice is probably not the best decision.

Seek the help of a professional therapist. They will be able to help you with your depression and anxiety. Once you have taken care of your needs then you can focus on what career choice you would like to embark on. You must focus on yourself first and everything else comes after. Your health information is also protected under federal law. No one can gain access to it unless they have your permission or a court order of some sort.

Sending lots of positive energy your way.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion