I'mReallyDumb

I am not a graduate of my nursing program yet, however, I was wondering when applying for jobs after, if they do mental health background checks. I have been thinking about seeking a therapist for depression and anxiety, but feel as if it would hinder my opportunity to find a job?? Does anyone have knowledge about this? I was clinically diagnosed with both about 6 years ago, after I graduated high school, but the symptoms were there about 7 years prior to that. I took medication for a few weeks, but had bad reactions (tremors, palpitations, etc), completely stopped taking it, and never talked about it again, until now..

I'm really stressed out and really don't know what to do. I've failed A&P II twice and I am taking it a third time. The classes were not that hard, but I kept procrastinating out of pure stupidity both times. There were multiple times that I've failed non-nursing classes (not completing enough credits per program policy) and my graduation date kept being pushed off more and more. I was about to be kicked out of the school because I kept failing numerous times. I pleaded with the Dean of Nursing and the Director of the school to keep me in the program with an appeal I made. I was successful at that and I am currently completing my classes. However, my paradigm hasn't changed at all. It's more than halfway through the course and I'm failing. I calculated that if I continue to get perfect scores on everything I can pass the nursing classes, but I am unsure about A&P II. My motivation for school and life in general in ridiculously low to the point of suicide. Every night before, I tell myself I will do my assignments all tomorrow, but keep pushing it off until late at night, where the cycle begins again. One of my classes, one of my assignments has been graded with an "R" and I have no idea what it means. This is my last chance to stay in the program and I feel like if I start clinicals (which is next quarter), I can maintain a momentum to keep me going. I just need some advice on how I can pass my classes and stop procrastinating because "just do it" is not working for me; I have a fear of even starting the assignments because I may fail, which is ridiculous and nonsensical. I've thought about seeking a therapist for my issues, will that show up on my records if I were to become a nurse? I apologize for this post being a bit confusing. It's nearly 2 am and I'm having a panic attack. My background story: After I graduated from high school, I went to a well-known university in the state to become a pharmacist. I failed my classes the first quarter and was kicked out without warning or a second chance because I was away from home for the first time in my life and wasn't mentally prepared at all. At that point, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I went on going to a community college to complete my prerequisites and finding a job as a pharmacy technician, but I was still unmotivated. I switched to nursing because I honestly didn't know what to do with my life and still don't, and nursing seemed to be a suitable route. My parents want me to complete school quickly so I can start making a decent lifestyle for myself. There's so much pressure right now, I can't even handle it. I'm 23 and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in life yet. I'll be 24 by the time I finish this program, which is about a year more than was expected. I feel as if I'm always running out of time and like life and everything is pointless; I don't see the purpose of it anymore.