If Martha Stewart was a nurse.....

Nurses Humor

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:nono:

Every time that I see Martha Stewart come up with another "good thing", it's always some preposterous, fancy, perfect, hair-brained idea that she probably thought of in the middle of the night (and of course, she had to get up to record it in her handmade journal after she made a label and a bookmark).

I swear this is true: Last week she was transplanting flowers and she put a tarp on the ground so that the grass wouldn't get "soiled" if some of the dirt spilled on it.

I'm so glad she isn't a nurse. Can you imagine her ironing her patients sheets and pillowcases? She would be in the patient rooms re-arranging flowers that were just delivered from the florist. She would make hand sewn incontinent pads, put potpourri sachets in the bedpans, make dust ruffles to hide catheter bags hanging from the bed, make hand-made "Get Well" cards and she would put a lovely hanging plant on each IV pole.

Anybody else got some good ideas?

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Specializes in ICU.

Crotcheted covers for IV bags? Fitted rouched and ruffled covers for the resus trolleys but why stop there knitted covers for the defib pads. Every dressing pack would come with a pair of pinking shears to frill up the edge of the dressings.

No kidding! Some hospitals use to have material pan covers in different coloured materials of course.

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I like the knitted covers for defib pads....they could even be monogrammed......

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Linen incontinence pads?

chenille slipper socks?

rooms painted pink with gingham curtains?

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Hehehe! :chuckle

I love the IV pole thing...."And to hide those unpleasant looking IV fluid bags, hang a nicely potted plant in front of the bag. To make it really enjoyable consider planting some Jasmine in a blue glazed pot from a little town Coihaique tucked in the Andes Mountians in Chile. The scent and color will help calm your patient making for a VEERRY calm day."

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Specializes in ICU.

Just thought of another one - little lace curtains around the cardiac monitors

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Specializes in Operating Room,, Plastic Surgery.

how would Martha get her charting done ??? why with an antique 18th century quill pen, in calligraphy no less, and Dr's orders would be sent on hand embossed card stock.... OMG I know what I'm talking about:eek:

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TeeHee!

And what about those pesky pt. trays? Mashed potatoes and meatloaf again? No wonder these poor patients are not thriving! Time for a little beef Wellington with some potatoes Anglaise, followed by a Charlotte russe.......calorie count, fluid restriction--pah! that's no way to fully enjoy each day granted to you! Bon Appetite! and disposable dishes for those isolation pts!? think again.....why it only takes minutes to throw your own ceramic paltes and cups, glaze them (color coordinated, please!) and fire them. those pts will be eating in fine style in no time...........

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liberalrn--- how funny! :)

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Specializes in ED staff.

Martha Stewart Nurses notes

1300 Delivered stationary to Mrs. Charles Randolph in suite 666 so that she could pen her thank you notes to those who have been so kind to visit and/or send a dozen or more roses during her 3 week stay for that very wicked hangnail. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1330 Mrs Charles Randolph summoned me to her suite by very gently ringing the crystal bell that I have provided for her use. She requested the 18th century porcelain chamber pot as she had to relieve herself of liquid waste products. This was measured in a container that I carved from quartz crystal. 200 cc UOP. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1445 Mrs Charles Randolph is napping now. The mahogany siderails that I applied to her hospital bed this morning are in the up position. She is resting comfortably on the 900 count pure Egyptian cotton sheets that I dyed myself to match the intriguing color of her eyes. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse.

1630 Ambulating pt. in the corridor, she is using her platinum walker. To keep Mrs. Charles Randolph warm during this event, I have applied her full length mink coat. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1800 Served the evening meal to Mrs. Charles Randolph. She started her meal with a watercress salad served on Royal Daulton bone china. Then a pumpkin soup made from cut pieces of fresh baby pumpkin, gently boiled until they were soft enough to mash, heavy cream was added and brought to a simmer. Next she had pheasant under glass with blanched asparagus on the side. The pheasant was served with an interesting mild dill sauce(my grandmahmah's recipe). For desert almonde torte was served. The meal was followed by coffee in front of the fireplace in her suite . Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1900 Time to report off to oncoming shift, but no one can do this job as well as I can, so I will just stay. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse.

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:roll :roll

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Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC.

I can picture it now!! :rotfl:

Before you can bring a gift to a patient she must rewrap it in the finest paper that she herself has stamped and made pretty, she must also add ribbons made from different textures and colors that coordinate nicely with the handmade wrapping.

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