If Martha Stewart was a nurse.....

Nurses Humor

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:nono:

Every time that I see Martha Stewart come up with another "good thing", it's always some preposterous, fancy, perfect, hair-brained idea that she probably thought of in the middle of the night (and of course, she had to get up to record it in her handmade journal after she made a label and a bookmark).

I swear this is true: Last week she was transplanting flowers and she put a tarp on the ground so that the grass wouldn't get "soiled" if some of the dirt spilled on it.

I'm so glad she isn't a nurse. Can you imagine her ironing her patients sheets and pillowcases? She would be in the patient rooms re-arranging flowers that were just delivered from the florist. She would make hand sewn incontinent pads, put potpourri sachets in the bedpans, make dust ruffles to hide catheter bags hanging from the bed, make hand-made "Get Well" cards and she would put a lovely hanging plant on each IV pole.

Anybody else got some good ideas?

The LTC facility I worked in had catheter covers for their bags made by FHA. Its actually regulation that the catheter bags have covers!

I am amazed that places are actually doing this. Giving some dignity back to patients. Sounds good to me.

Specializes in Rehab, Step-down,Tele,Hospice.

I think Martha would be outstanding in the infection control area. Can you imagine how spotless everything would be?

You might not have to wash your hands with betadine when you come out of your pts room if she was running the show! But than again Im sure she's never heard of: VRE, MRSA, or C-diff.

Martha Stewart Nurses notes

1300 Delivered stationary to Mrs. Charles Randolph in suite 666 so that she could pen her thank you notes to those who have been so kind to visit and/or send a dozen or more roses during her 3 week stay for that very wicked hangnail. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1330 Mrs Charles Randolph summoned me to her suite by very gently ringing the crystal bell that I have provided for her use. She requested the 18th century porcelain chamber pot as she had to relieve herself of liquid waste products. This was measured in a container that I carved from quartz crystal. 200 cc UOP. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1445 Mrs Charles Randolph is napping now. The mahogany siderails that I applied to her hospital bed this morning are in the up position. She is resting comfortably on the 900 count pure Egyptian cotton sheets that I dyed myself to match the intriguing color of her eyes. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse.

1630 Ambulating pt. in the corridor, she is using her platinum walker. To keep Mrs. Charles Randolph warm during this event, I have applied her full length mink coat. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1800 Served the evening meal to Mrs. Charles Randolph. She started her meal with a watercress salad served on Royal Daulton bone china. Then a pumpkin soup made from cut pieces of fresh baby pumpkin, gently boiled until they were soft enough to mash, heavy cream was added and brought to a simmer. Next she had pheasant under glass with blanched asparagus on the side. The pheasant was served with an interesting mild dill sauce(my grandmahmah's recipe). For desert almonde torte was served. The meal was followed by coffee in front of the fireplace in her suite . Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse

1900 Time to report off to oncoming shift, but no one can do this job as well as I can, so I will just stay. Ms. Martha Stewart Registered Nurse.[/quote

:balloons: Oh please, please, pretty please, let me be her patient.:rolleyes:

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