I want to thank everyone for the prayers. I'm sorry I haven't been able to explain why I needed them and what I meant by saying I was in trouble, but I have recovered enough mentally to explain my last eight days of pure hell...
I work 11p-7a as the supervisor of a nursing home. Last Sunday night I worked. Monday morning after work I went to visit my grandmother in Georgia, not intending to be gone all day. She has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and has decided to refuse any treatment- she wants to let it take her course and rejoin my grandfather who died three years ago. This is devastating to me because I am very close with her. I ended up being with her all day and getting home around 9pm. I had to be at work at 11, so I decided not to sleep since it would make me more groggy to get less than an hour of sleep than it would if I just stayed up. Despite my best efforts, I fell asleep around 9:30 and when my alarm went off at 10 I was in bad shape- disoriented and nauseous. I decided to take an ephedrine tablet and set the alarm ahead 20 minutes so that when it went off the ephedrine would be in my system. I hardly ever take it but when I do I take an Atenolol with it because it makes my BP go up and my heart race. The Atenolol was prescribed to me a year ago, but since losing almost 100 pounds my BP has been normal and I haven't had to take it regularly. Anyhow, when the alarm went off again I was still really nauseous and tired but I got ready and went to work. I felt weird- sort of detached and sluggish but I figured it was because of lack of sleep. I'd gone without sleep before so I thought I'd be fine.
At about 3am, however, my DON showed up. I was surprised to see her, but she told me she just had paperwork to do. It seemed like she was observing me though, and soon the truth came out- someone had called her at home, woken her up and stated that I seemed impaired. After watching me, she declared probable cause and accused me of being on drugs. I was shocked and scared and denied it- I have prescription narcotics for my back ( i broke it 7 years ago and am trying to avoid surgery for as long and possible) but I never take them within 12 hours of work- never. I was made to feel like a criminal. I was brought to the local hospital and had to pee in a cup, crying all the while. I knew I felt odd and detached but all I could think was that maybe someone slipped me something. After the UA, she refused to believe me, took my keys from me and I was sent home in disgrace.
Three days later I found the bottle of Atenolol in a totally different location than i thought. Apparently I took an Ambien instead.
Once I figured this out, I tried to explain it to her, but since the drug test had already been sent out I still couldn't work until the results came in. It took eight days instead of three because of the positive for opiates resulting in a differentiating test. The only thing that showed up (of course) is one of my prescription narcotics (Lortab). The lady from the drug testing center called me this morning and I had to bring over my prescription bottle to confirm it. Then I had to get a letter from my doc stating that I had been his patient for four years and was still on the same strength meds and had been very responsible with my pain meds. I expect a call in the morning to go in for a meeting with my DON when she gets the report.
Here's the kicker- everyone at work apaprently thinks I was caught stealing drugs, high at work, or drunk on the job. The worst part is that I think I am going to be fired anyway, regardless of the negative drug screen for anything except what was prescribed to me.
I love my job, and i love being a nurse. I've worked at my job for over a year, with exemplary performance evaluations and reviews. I don't understand why I am being treated this way. I'm still scared about possibly losing my job, but at least I know that I will not lose my nursing license. Before I realized about the Ambien, I honestly was scared that someone had slipped me something and then called my DON so I would be tested. As a supervisor you always end up with certain enemies, people you have had to write up because of legitimate concerns who hold it against you. I was terrified because I did feel odd and if someone had slipped me something and I tested positive, I would have lost my license.
I really don't want to lose my job, I love it so much. I hate that my coworkers all are assuming the worst of me. I didn't intentionally do anything wrong. I've lost seven pounds since this happened and have not been sleeping. I've cried constantly. I'm a wreck.
I'm sorry this is so long... I just wanted to thank everyone for the support as well as warn you of what could happen... please keep me in your prayers and I will let you know if I am fired tomorrow or not...
I don't think you've been 'flamed'. I think many have disagreed with you, some strongly. There have not been any personal attacks. There is a difference.
OK...maybe not...but what about putting in 'quotes' things I didn't say, in the heated response directly to my post?
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
Did I use the word "addict"?
since you are speaking to me I'll respond-I was actually focusing first on your comment regarding "self-medication" By implication many on this thread seem to be considering that a "problem" OK-what's a "problem? In this discussion it's clearly a euphemism for "addiction" This is a message board,people.If you post an opinion there is going to be someone else responding with a valid argument supporting the fact that you don't know your butt from a hole in the ground. Let's not lead this thread into "locked" territory-post to the topic..Let's forget about examining the semantics of every post-READ but don't read INTO them... It's clear to me why some would assume that the OP may have a "problem" We judge others by our own experiences.Some of us won't take a med if we can help it-others are not as unwilling.It wouldn't occur to me to take a stimulant to go to work-I don't have any,don't want any,don't need any.I would have called the heck off-probably from out of town,early in the afternoon.....That's the main problem IMHO---won't take care of ourselves....WHY be a MARTYR? Call the freak OFF.....I can't feel too sorry for someone that would make such a stooopid string of bad judgements/mistakes.I hope she reads her patients MARS and medications more closely then she seems to read her own...I am sorry Lori -you are learning a valuable lesson.Since they fired you so readily you were not as in-dispensible as you thought that evening....It's a shame.I also think you need to get to a pain clinic ASAP-there are many ,many new treatments for chronic pain-and many nurses function well at work on their meds......Good Luck
I'm deeply sorry about your predicament. I can feel your pain. Just try and hang in there. I know it seems impossible though. Like everyone always tells me everytime I experience a major crisis, "Just try to stay positive. Everything will turn ou okay. When one door closes another one opens." Easier said than done.
Specializes in rehab; med/surg; l&d; peds/home care.
This is getting too heated here...
To Lori...you got lots of responses here. There's a lot of pages here to mull over. You are a dear friend Lori, you know that. I hope you take some time for yourself, and learn to take care of yourself from now on, since most employers won't/don't care.
To those who might think I was rude to them, I apologize. I repeatedly said during my posts that I wasn't trying to be mean or rude. Last night I was posting late, up all night since my back was absolutely killing me, despite my meds. I tried my hardest to make myself clear, but I don't think I did after all. And I really combed through the posts time after time trying to make sure I wasn't sounding rude or anything. I am truly sorry to those who maybe were offended by my posts.
Lori, you know I support you. You are my dear friend and you know where I stand. I truly hope you hold your head high, and go into Monday's interview with all you have to offer. As much as we need money to survive in this world, we aren't going to take any to our grave. Live your life for you, and not your employer from now on. Be the good nurse that you are, but don't give so much of your emotional side to your employer. They don't have your best interest at heart.
1. If in doubt about my ability to practice competently and safely, I will call in. I may lose my job, but I might have lost it anyway and had a whole bunch of other stuff to go with it.
2. There can be three sides to a story. None of us here know exactly what happened, including Lori. She openly states that she doesn't recall taking an Ambien.
3. I'm not lying to anybody about anything. Not a potential employer, not to call in and pose as someone else. I'm way too paranoid. The truth is easier to remember than the lies or half-truths or semi-truths or whatever that I'd have to remember, and I'm getting too old to remember anything.
4. I'd would have hired an attorney ASAP, even if I had to sell my first born on Ebay. Whatever the cost, it would have been cheaper than finding a new career or suffering a reduction in pay or lost wages. And, he may have been able to resolve this quickly and in a favorable manner, saving Lori so much emotional wear and tear.
My thoughts for what they are worth.
Good luck, Lori. I've lived long enough to know that this will be a distant and less painful memory one day.
I have not read most of what has been said here, but enough to say that I think its quite remarkable for someone to come on here and share such a personal story that could potentially help others out here in this complex world on nursing!
I didn't mean to start a debate, I'm sorry about that.
I honestly wanted to share my story not only needing some emotional support, but also because I hope the other nurses and future nurses who read what I am going through don't put their careers on the line like I did.
I am just beginning to come to terms with the consequences of my actions. I threw everything away, but my intentions were good, I swear it. We've all worked when we were exhausted, for us calling in is not as viable an option. If I could turn back time, I would have called in and just dealt with the guilt.
As for the "self-medication", the reason I haven't needed the Atenolol regularly is because I have worked hard to take better care of myself. I have lost almost 100 pounds and eat better. I don't take the Ambien often, in fact I haven't refilled it in almost four months. As for the ephedrine, that's probably the third time I've had to take it this year. I don't want anyone to have the impression that I am taking pills to go to sleep, pills to wake up, and popping narcotics in the meantime. That's not who I am. I have a pain management physician and do NOT doctor-shop.
I want to again thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the support. I know what I did was stupid, and what happened was my fault. I hope my humiliating experience prevents someone else from going through this hell.
I will let yall know tomorrow how my interview goes. It's at 11am (central time) so if anyone happens to be reading this at about that time, could you say a little prayer for me?
RebeccaJeanRN
274 Posts
OK...maybe not...but what about putting in 'quotes' things I didn't say, in the heated response directly to my post?