I'm writing here because this is the kind of thing I don't want people who actually "know" me to know. On Saturday night I went out to a local pub and had a few drinks and shot a couple games of pool. I had more to drink than I could handle....I think. I remember flirting with a guy (I'm married...very uncharacteristic behavior for me).
I woke up the next morning in my car with my shirt on inside out and backwards, with my bra on over my shirt, and my pants pulled up but my panties pulled down beneath them. There was also vomit behind the seat I was in. The chairs in my car were broken in the fully reclined position. I have with no memory AT ALL about what happened. I don't remember leaving the bar and I certainly don't remember how my clothes got removed and then put back on the way they were.
The police were called, my car was impounded for evidence collection-I've since gotten it back, complete with fingerprint dust and evidence tape. The police took me to the county hospital for the sexual assault exam. I called my husband.
I've been in this fog. I go through periods of psychomotor retardation and sadness. I feel so stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and guilty.
I've NEVER in my life blacked out before, even when I was younger and drank lots and experimented w/ drugs. The police think I may have been drugged but it may be hard to tell because 12 hours had passed by the time blood and urine samples were taken, and date rape drugs metabolize in that time.
I'm terrified that I wasn't drugged....that instead I got so drunk and out of it that I had consensual sex but just don't remember it, even though as I've said, I've never blacked out or lost time before ever in my life. But that is my biggest fear. The sexual assault nurse said that alcohol is the most common date rape drug.......the thought of being unconscious while someone touched me is beyond appalling.
My husband in his fear, pain, and frustration threatened me with divorce. He doesn't know how to handle this. Being a cop himself he knows what to do from the legal perspective but from an emotionally supportive perspective he is lost. He doing much better now.
A detective is coming tomorrow to talk with me again. They may have more information as they have been busy talking to people at the bar and called friends who had been with me earlier in the night.
I don't know what I expect form posting this, other than just wanting to tell SOMEONE what happened.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your ordeal is so much, it just really makes me want to reach out and hold you. As a victim of rape myself, I would like to really encourage you to take advantage of the support of everything out there. I was assaulted about 14 yrs ago and never told a soul for years. There are times when it just haunts me. I truly wished I would have reached out when it first happened. Maybe I would have been able to deal with it better.
Your hubby probably deals with lots of assault cases and he will get through it. He must feel so much right now, but you deal with you and let him deal with him.
Don't let this stop you from living, please! Take care and please know that we are here to support you.:redbeathe
omg what a story about your friend! i hope she does well on appeal.
i wonder how the OP is doing? I hope she's well and has been able to move on with her life.
i do remember meeting him at the bar but after that i have absolutely no memory until 12 hours later when i woke up in his bed naked. he was still having sex with me when i woke up. his roommate casually came in the room naked a few minutes after i "woke up" so i'm sure they both raped me. i had had on a 2 inch choker and found it in the floor ripped apart from the front of the necklace...it must have been pulled off my neck violently. i didnt know who they were, didnt know where i was, i was so confused and scared.
for years only my closest friends that were with me knew what happened. i was so ashamed and felt i deserved it because i was drinking.
im sure i was given a date rape drug.
reading the OP's story it shocked me at how similar our stories are. when it happens you think it only happend to you...obviously it happns to too many women!
to this day, i will not leave a glass unattended when out in public, anywhere. if you go out and drink...keep your glass with you...keep your hand over the opening at all times. dont leave your glass even with your friends when you go to dance or the bathroom. if you turn your back on your drink for even a second, think of it like a syringe at work...if it has meds in it and you turn your back on it..you cant be 100% sure it wasnt tampered with...so if you turn your back, dont drink whats in the glass. your safety and your life is worth a whole lot more than the amount you'd have to pay for another drink.
one more thing...dont trust a bartender either! watch them make your drink. many times the bartender is in on it with the person.
be careful girls!
I met a guy once who dated a stripper for awhile and they have a rule that only bottles, no glass of anything! Take your drink with you even to the br, and never let anyone buy and bring a drink to you! I laughed at the time, but boy is that good teaching. This is exactly why because its happened too often! Scarrrrry
the strippers have this rule ,or the management only sells bottles? don't think I understand. and can't u still put ghb in a bottle,eventually? sue
Sorry about the 'thank you', I know that made very little sense. I have to blame it on exhaustion.
It is a stripper law, so to speak. Yes, someone can still put in into a bottle, but it's alot more difficult to do that than to put it into a rocks glass. Unless your a bartender, it would be pretty difficult to be slick enough to aim at that little spout rather than aiming for the wide mouth glass. That's just what I'm thinking makes sense, but I've never been a stripper so I can't know for sure.
Dear, I was a victim of "date rape" many years ago. I never told the authorities because I had consensual sex with this man prior to his raping me. I had a gyn procedure, and was told no intercourse for 6 weeks, well, he didn't want to wait, and forced me one week after surgery. The situation was different, but the outcome was similar, you and I were violated.
I know how that feels. Please continue with your counseling. It's possible your husband feels "guilty" for not being able to "save" you. Just a thought.
Time healed wounds for me, and counseling - my suggestion would be try not to force memories, they will most likely pop up when you're ready for them, but it is possible that you may never remember, especially if you were drugged (sounds to me like you were hon).
You're a survivor - hold your head high. God bless.
All these replies are very heartfelt and I agree with them, I know that THIS is the place to come, anonymously, to get support. I did it myself a few years ago. That is what you need, support.
For now, you should stay away from the drinking and the bars, it is nothing but trouble. I'm not saying that it is your fault, BY FAR IT IS NOT! But find something clean and fun to do that doesn't involve alcohol... other drung people can get pretty stupid and do some outragous and dangerous things,, and that is what happened to you. HE might have seen you a little tipsy and slipped something in your drink.
While you're recovering, it's important to still get outside and do things, but go places with your husband or your friends..Heck, get everyone together and go to the local paint ball war place, and have a paint ball war. Putt putt,, or something! But stay in at night and be safe in your home for now,, it will make you feel better.
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chevyv, BSN, RN
1,679 Posts
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your ordeal is so much, it just really makes me want to reach out and hold you. As a victim of rape myself, I would like to really encourage you to take advantage of the support of everything out there. I was assaulted about 14 yrs ago and never told a soul for years. There are times when it just haunts me. I truly wished I would have reached out when it first happened. Maybe I would have been able to deal with it better.
Your hubby probably deals with lots of assault cases and he will get through it. He must feel so much right now, but you deal with you and let him deal with him.
Don't let this stop you from living, please! Take care and please know that we are here to support you.:redbeathe