I was a victim of sexual assault.

[wildmountainchild]

Hi All,

I'm writing here because this is the kind of thing I don't want people who actually "know" me to know. On Saturday night I went out to a local pub and had a few drinks and shot a couple games of pool. I had more to drink than I could handle....I think. I remember flirting with a guy (I'm married...very uncharacteristic behavior for me).

I woke up the next morning in my car with my shirt on inside out and backwards, with my bra on over my shirt, and my pants pulled up but my panties pulled down beneath them. There was also vomit behind the seat I was in. The chairs in my car were broken in the fully reclined position. I have with no memory AT ALL about what happened. I don't remember leaving the bar and I certainly don't remember how my clothes got removed and then put back on the way they were.

The police were called, my car was impounded for evidence collection-I've since gotten it back, complete with fingerprint dust and evidence tape. The police took me to the county hospital for the sexual assault exam. I called my husband.

I've been in this fog. I go through periods of psychomotor retardation and sadness. I feel so stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and guilty.

I've NEVER in my life blacked out before, even when I was younger and drank lots and experimented w/ drugs. The police think I may have been drugged but it may be hard to tell because 12 hours had passed by the time blood and urine samples were taken, and date rape drugs metabolize in that time.

I'm terrified that I wasn't drugged....that instead I got so drunk and out of it that I had consensual sex but just don't remember it, even though as I've said, I've never blacked out or lost time before ever in my life. But that is my biggest fear. The sexual assault nurse said that alcohol is the most common date rape drug.......the thought of being unconscious while someone touched me is beyond appalling.

My husband in his fear, pain, and frustration threatened me with divorce. He doesn't know how to handle this. Being a cop himself he knows what to do from the legal perspective but from an emotionally supportive perspective he is lost. He doing much better now.

A detective is coming tomorrow to talk with me again. They may have more information as they have been busy talking to people at the bar and called friends who had been with me earlier in the night.

I don't know what I expect form posting this, other than just wanting to tell SOMEONE what happened.

Thanks for listening.

[racing-mom4, BSN, RN]

This is very brave of you to come on here and tell your story- I am in shock and honestly dont know what to say except that my heart goes out to you, and that it took alot of guts for you to contact the police and tell your husband.

I hope that your husbands reaction is just now curently based out of fear and confusion and that he too will come to some sort of grip what has happend to YOU, not to him, but to YOU.

I urge you to please seen professional help in working through these emotions you must be feeling. There are people who are trained to work through this very thing--you are so far from being alone in this.

My prayers are with your and your entire family as you battle this terrible thing that happened to you.

[Liddle Noodnik]

I don't know what I expect form posting this, other than just wanting to tell SOMEONE what happened.

Thanks for listening.

This is a great place to do that - safe, and there are warm compassionate people here who will listen. I am so sorry this happened to you!!

I am so sorry about your husband's reaction to this thing, this is not what you need. ((((((((( wildmountainchild ))))))))))

[nrsang97, BSN, RN]

I am sorry that this happened to you. I have nothing to offer you but my support. I think that you will benefit from some kind of counseling, maybe even couples counseling. I think your husbands reaction is based on fear, ( I hope) and that he will come around. He needs to remember that this happened to you. I again urge you to seek counseling. :icon_hug:

[oneclipse]

I don't really know what to say but....Sorry. I hope and wish the best possible outcome for you through an unimaginable act of brutality.

Oneclipse

[onyx77]

:icon_hug: I am so sorry that this nightmare has happened to you. Sometimes just getting it out helps SO much! Allnurses.com is FULL of wonderful people with great support - you've come to the right place!

I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[NewNurseyGirl2009]

Wow it sounds like your very honest. Many people would have sworn they were drugged and not mentioned the possibility they could have possibly consented. Although if you were that drunk, I cannot beleive you would have been able to consent. What bothers me is that you dont remember anything. HOnestly I have gotten so drunk I have passed out, (long time ago) but I still remember how I got where I got. Personally I do think you were drugged. I'm sorry this has happened and I hope all is well with you and your husband.

[herring_RN, ASN, BSN]

You were a victim.

I am so sorry.

[wildmountainchild]

Thanks for all of your kind replies....they really do help. My husband and I are getting counseling, seperately at first and then as a couple if need be. The county I live in offers great resources for sexual assault victims, I have an advocate who will be with me tomorrow when the detective comes and access to couseling which I will take advantage of.

I just wish I could stop thinking about it and wondering what might have happened. I can't decide if the the memory loss is a blessing or a curse.

[Valerie Salva, BSN, RN]

I am sorry that this happened to you. I have nothing to offer you but my support. I think that you will benefit from some kind of counseling, maybe even couples counseling. I think your husbands reaction is based on fear, ( I hope) and that he will come around. He needs to remember that this happened to you. I again urge you to seek counseling. :icon_hug:

I agree with the above, and I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

[GilaRRT]

I am sorry. I do not know what else to say. Take care.

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

Big hug to you. I was date-raped a long time ago. You will get through this. I'm so glad you are getting counseling, I didn't and never really dealt with it for a long time.