So here it goes.... I was a doula in a birthing center for 6 yrs, labor and delivery was my passion... my calling. I went to nursing school only because I wanted to be a L&D nurse. (I do not like anything not pertaining to mommy/baby). I graduated from school and worked for the state as an RN until I finally landed a RN position in L&D and began my internship program May 1st. This position that I landed is at the largest L&D in the entire NATION. We deliver average - 80 babies per day, if that gives you any idea. To work in L&D you have to work LDR, LH, OR as a circulator and in recovery. So here we are into July. I have come home crying more than not, I have gone to work crying more than not. I am lost. This was nothing like I thought it was going to be. It is like hearding cattle, get 'em in, get 'em delivered and get 'em upstairs so we can fill this empty bed with another warm body. This is nothing like the experiences of working at a birthing center and I have no hospital experience so I am like a new nurse. I had to start from the bottom up building my skills - learning every thing from IV's and injections all the way up. I am having diffilculty in several areas - time management, prioritizing and accepting all of these interventions that I feel so conflicted about. I am expected to be off orientation in 2 more weeks. I know I will not be ready. I walk in to work every day praying for 2 things - that I will not have a delivery and that I will not have a IUFD. I hate births at this point, everything about this "miracle" has been tainted by my experiences since coming to work at this hospital. It is very fast paced, full of interventions, and you have no time to "bond with or labor" your patients.
So.... I feel like my world is falling apart. This was the only reason I became a nurse at all....
Should I try to transfer to HRP or one of the post partum units? Is it like this at all of the hospitals or just this one????
I can not belive this has happend.... I am lost, fearful, disappointed... in myself and this experience. Please.... any advice?????