I do not think I can make it in L&D... devastated

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

:cry:

So here it goes.... I was a doula in a birthing center for 6 yrs, labor and delivery was my passion... my calling. I went to nursing school only because I wanted to be a L&D nurse. (I do not like anything not pertaining to mommy/baby). I graduated from school and worked for the state as an RN until I finally landed a RN position in L&D and began my internship program May 1st. This position that I landed is at the largest L&D in the entire NATION. We deliver average - 80 babies per day, if that gives you any idea. To work in L&D you have to work LDR, LH, OR as a circulator and in recovery. So here we are into July. I have come home crying more than not, I have gone to work crying more than not. I am lost. This was nothing like I thought it was going to be. It is like hearding cattle, get 'em in, get 'em delivered and get 'em upstairs so we can fill this empty bed with another warm body. This is nothing like the experiences of working at a birthing center and I have no hospital experience so I am like a new nurse. I had to start from the bottom up building my skills - learning every thing from IV's and injections all the way up. I am having diffilculty in several areas - time management, prioritizing and accepting all of these interventions that I feel so conflicted about. I am expected to be off orientation in 2 more weeks. I know I will not be ready. I walk in to work every day praying for 2 things - that I will not have a delivery and that I will not have a IUFD. I hate births at this point, everything about this "miracle" has been tainted by my experiences since coming to work at this hospital. It is very fast paced, full of interventions, and you have no time to "bond with or labor" your patients.

So.... I feel like my world is falling apart. This was the only reason I became a nurse at all....

Should I try to transfer to HRP or one of the post partum units? Is it like this at all of the hospitals or just this one????

I can not belive this has happend.... I am lost, fearful, disappointed... in myself and this experience. Please.... any advice????? :cry:

Specializes in L&D.

I 2nd the rural facility. My facility is not considered "rural" but any means but we are a small, very tight knit and VERY close unit. We deliver about 3-4 babies per day and we provide total care for our moms and babies. It brings the best of all the worlds together for me cause I love PP and baby care but I also desire the thrill of L&D.

(((((HUGS))))))

Sounds like the place I work. Although as I posted, in June we delvered 171 babys which was a record number my hospital has ever delivered.

Specializes in ICU.

I am guessing you are in an urban area, I see that you are in Georgia. My very dear friend was a L&D nurse at a large hospital in Atlanta. L&D was all she ever wanted to do, and then wanted to go on and become a midwife. She hated working in L&D where she was at...too much stress and transferred back to mother baby. Perhaps you could work at a more suburban L&D. I live around the DC area and shadowed at a major DC hospital five months before graduation and I didn't like how busy it was. I concluded more suburban type hospital was for me. If that doesn't work you could go to Med/Surge to brush up on skills and learn prioritization and organization, and try L&D again after you get more confident.

Janis... I wonder if your friend and I happen to be employed at the same place???? LOL !!! Sounds like it!!! Can you tell me where she was? I am considering transferring to PP - if they have an opening. I mean, I really do not have much choice. I know me and I know that I can not last in this environment. This experience has tainted so much of what I had aspired for already. I too wanted to eventually become a midwife as well- HA!!!!! Not now!!!!! Heck, I do not ever want to see another baby born at this moment in time. I have to go through my OR and Recovery rotation this coming week and then I think they are putting me onto nights... I have never worked nights before. Well, it is 2:00 in the morning and I have spent all night posting my resume :typing, just trying to find something. Employment is not an option - the bank still wants that darn mortgage payment and they do not really care what a difficult time I am having.

The concenus of the responses have helped me so much. I feel validated rather than incompetent. Thank you all sooooooo much!!!!!!:bowingpur I know what I have to do.... I just pray I can find something in time before this orientation is over.

Katrina

I can not belive this has happend.... I am lost, fearful, disappointed... in myself and this experience. Please.... any advice????? :cry:

I am in the same position as you. I went to school to become a CNM and now am working in LDRP while working on my MSN. I hate labor to say the least. I am so tired of watching every woman come in for induction at 39 weeks without really knowing why and pumping her full of meds until she screams for an epidural then checking on her every few minutes while she watches TV until the doctor arrives to cut her and pull her baby out... Can you tell I hate it? I would recommend looking into a) getting a job in the birth center you used to work at, if we had any birth centers I would be all over it b) try postpartum. I used to think PP would be totally boring but I actually like it. I enjoy working with the patients and getting to know their families. Helping with breastfeeding/ baby care makes me feel I am redeeming myself a little bit.

Right now I have two weeks left in my orientation then I go on my own and I am already hoping to do mostly PP because I HATE labors. I have received zero feedback at this point from my manager. I have no idea what her (or anyone's) impression is of how I am doing. I am also planning to stay at my job 1 year so I can say I have one year of experience and then running out of the building so fast my head spins and never returning.

ETA: I work at a very rural hospital and previous to this I was at a huge baby factory/academic medical center. The baby factory was 10,000 X better- they had policies and procedures in place, there were evidence-based practices in use, and very clear orientation setup. The hospital I am at now the practices are old school to say the least, there are very few set in stone policies/protocols, and there is no orientation whatsoever.

So you do not like the rural hospital that you are at now? I too DESPISE labor.... can not belive that even comes out of my mouth. There is only 1 birthing center in GA and that is 4 hours away. I am considering moving back home though and would try to get back on at the birthing center. I am going to contact the PP unit and see if I can transfer for now. I simply can not live like this for a year... that I know.

Specializes in Nurse Manager, Labor and Delivery.

First of all, welcome to OB. It is the most fabulous specialty, isn't it?

If you are working where I think you are, I can only imagine the pandemonium that is there. I can't imagine they would let you out of orientation against your will (they would be stupid and negligent if they did) Is there not a low risk area on the unit that you could start at, learn your skills, your prioritization, and then take on more as you learn?? You are still a while from being comfortable with skills and managing laboring women. Please do not take offense to that. It takes a while to get into the groove of things, and that feeling of floundering is not one that I enjoyed either. But one day, things will just CLICK, and you will feel like you have been doing this work for years. Unfortunately, in the baby shop that you describe, you doula skills won't be put to very good use (my assumption only). Your goal is to go into everyday looking to better what was from yesterday, even if it is the smallest of things (I got all my IV's today, I had a great delivery)...and LEARN LEARN LEARN from your mistakes.

Feeling discouraged isn't a great feeling but don't give up. You are so not alone. OB is difficult, and risky, and so exciting. Perhaps a sit down with the unit manager, or CNS would help. Discuss how you feel and ask for more time. They can't orient your forever, but they can certainly put you in situations that build confidence rather than knock it down.

I hope things get better for you. Take each day at a time, learn from what you have seen and move on to the next. Don't beat yourself up either...you are LEARNING. We all started out that way. And you can always find an ear here........

Many hugs to you

Specializes in ER, Labor and Delivery, Infection Contro.

Wow,

I am so glad that you wrote in for some support/encouragement! It sounds so overwelming!

What I would like to offer to you from my experience is breathe and relax a little. You are new to nursing. You are new to L&D. And you had some expectations that you are having to revisit with new information and now experience.

Just being a new nurse is hard and overwelming. I went into L&D after 3 years of Med/Surg nursing and it was still overwelming. There was a huge learning curve (as there always is when you step into a new area of learning) Thankfully when I was new, we didn't have the sheer number of deliveries that you do-or I might have quit too.:bugeyes: I remember the tears and the fears though. Hang in there. Give yourself more time to just get through bieng new-then decide if that is the arena you want to work in or not. Give yourself alot of credit. At the end of the day, don't forget to inventory what you have learned and what goals have you accomplished. That is always a positive,healthy exercise and puts things into a more realistic perspective so you can truly decide your next steps are instead of just reacting out of overwelmedness. Look to your fellow nurses for support. And do not be afraid to ask for more orientation time if you feel you need it. It is for the safety of your patients, your liscence (sp) and liability for your institution. It behooves your manager and everyone else involved. Your manager has put alot into taking you on-and if he/she is good she will recognize it will only benifit everyone in the end for that additional time.

Good Luck to you!!!!

alwayslearnin

I dont have much to add to what everyone else has said. It sounds like you need a hospital with a slower pace. I worked PP and loved it. I love LD but dont have the courage to actually do it. PP and nursery are just as nice usually a little less stressful. Dont give up totally on womens health and L&D. Just check out other options. Good luck!!

I am sorry that your nursing introduction to L&D has been so traumatic. I did pp for 4 years and did enjoy it, our max was 4 couplets. 5 couplets are a lot and I think you will find the same frustration that you are in now, no time with patients and dangerous situation. I plan on going on to become a CNM and I am currently looking for an L&D position. I also work in a birth center and understand that L&D in a hospital will be completely different than at the birth center but I do want the knowledge and skills from the hospital.

I realize that the birth center is 4 hours away but could you go back for a week or weekend and attend a birth or two there to remind you of that magic of birth that is often lost in the type of environment you are working in? I wish you the best.

Specializes in NICU, High-Risk L&D, IBCLC.

You have my support and understanding. I did L&D in a unit that was a "baby factory," averaging 250-300 births per month. By the end of my time there I was so depressed that even the thought of having to go to work was enough to make me sick. And instead of enjoying my days off, I would spend them dreading having to go back into that place.

Get out. Find a different unit where you can nurture your love of L&D. Because heaven knows that we need good, caring L&D nurses.

So I have done a lot of thinking and I went to the person over my internship and told her that I was not giving up but that I needed to have options for "Plan B". I do not think PP will be it, since the number of patients will leave me with the same frustrations that I have now. Soooo, I have asked to shadow someone in HRP - High Risk Perinatal. Perhaps I can go up there, get my skills stronger, learn how to manage my time and prioritize and then reapply at a smaller facility in L&D.

Thank you all for your wisdom and support. I can not believe how many of you spoke up. Seriously!!!!! It has made such a difference in how I feel!!!!!:redpinkhe

I would definitely be searching for a hospital or birthing center that does fewer deliveries and allows for that nurse/pt bonding. I've been doing L&D for 5 years and having 3 deliveries every day would totally wear me out! As for coming off of orientation soon, you need to tell your supervisor that you aren't comfortable on your own yet and that isn't safe for your patients or your license. It's a big change going from being a doula and having one on one time with your patients to make their birth experience individualized and special to not having enough time to spend more than 5 minutes at a time in your pt's rooms. It is totally unrealistic for any director or manager to expect a new grad with no previous labor experience to be able to manage 3 laboring patients at once. I do believe that is even out of AWHONN's staffing guidelines. Hang in there and good luck. Any chance you could get in where you were working as a doula?

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