I did something that now makes me think I was acting like a druggie/doper/thief...

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Oct 30, 2008

I can totally see why you feel this way, i probably would, too. BUT, don't overreact. She invaded your space (I mean for crying out loud you don't stick your hands in a big scrub pocket any more than you'd go through someone's purse uninvited! I'd have been just as mad as you were. It'll blow by.

caliotter3 · Oct 30, 2008

Don't drive yourself crazy over this. If you want to worry, then find something something else to worry about, but don't beat yourself up for reacting in a normal fashion to having your body space violated. And don't get caught up ruminating about what other people think. You can't change their perceptions. Their perceptions are not important unless they take action to cause you harm. Just be concerned about your own thoughts and actions. You will find yourself busy enough keeping yourself in line to worry about what others think, say, or do.:wink2:

Xbox Live Addict · Oct 30, 2008

So, the night is hectic and all. I borrowed a nurse's keys to get into the room where the copier was and later that nurse couldn't find them. So, she says, "oh please tell me I didn't lose the keys, please let them be on you..."
then all of a sudden plunges her hand into one of the pockets of my scrub top and starts grabbing around.
It may seem weird but I value my personal space and probably out of shock and reflex more than anything I immediately grabbed her hand and threw it out of my pocket, and I'm sure the look on my face wasn't too pleasant, either. The CNAs laughed and one of them said, "hmm, must be something else in there!" This offended me more than having my personal space molested (maybe it's a hang up but I do not like to be touched or have people get too close to me, unless I am providing care.) After such a reaction I felt like I over-reacted and tried to laugh it off. It's bad because I really like this nurse as a person and would not want to hurt her feelings.
But now I am really bothered about how that looked. Now I think, maybe it did look incriminating. They probably really do think I stole something, or was carrying something I shouldn't have been (though my pockets were stuffed, it was just a bunch of candy wrappers and notes I had scribbled throughout the shift.)
But this really bothers me. I'm not a druggie or thief, but I know how suspicious people can be. I make every effort to do the right things and I'm not a criminal...but now I will lose sleep over this.

I have a big thing about people going and sticking their hands in my pockets myself. I would have reacted the same way and I wouldn't feel like I was acting like I had something to hide. Sticking your hands in someone else's pocket... now wouldn't that make the person doing the rummaging look like a pickpocket? Not to mention the gross invasion of personal space??? I hate thieves more than anything else, personally, and I am very protective of my personal space.

sissiesmama, ASN, RN · Oct 30, 2008

To the OP, I don't think you overreacted, I would have been the same way. The way I look at it, my scrubs are basically a part of me, I guess I'd say, and I don't get in your space, you don't get in mine. Your reaction was reflex, I'm sure, and mine would probably been the same and I would have probably spoken before thinking when the co worker did that, and said something offensive I'm sure.

Anne, RNC

diane227, LPN, RN · Oct 30, 2008

Your hospital should have strict policies regarding the search of any employee. If this co-worker thought that you had taken the keys she should have notified the nursing supervisor on call. She had absolutely no right to search you and could actually be charged with assault if you decided to go that way. Diane

rn/writer, RN · Oct 30, 2008

Calling a supervisor for a formal search of another employee seems a little extreme unless there is a well-founded suspicion and all other possibilities have been exhausted.

What you could have done, after extricating the other nurse's hands from your pockets, is empty your pockets onto the counter in a good-faith gesture to reassure yourself along with the other nurse that you didn't have the keys.

Or you could have reminded her when and where you gave them back to her.

After the fact, you can tell her that you don't react well to having your space invaded, and if a similar situation were to occur, she should ask you to search your own pockets. You can communicate that she really crossed the line by treating you this way, and you won't be as calm if it happens again.

As you can see from the other posts, few of us (myself included) like our boundaries overridden. And we don't have to have something to hide to feel that way.

Let go of the feeling that you gave the wrong impression. Hang on to the thought that you didn't want your space invaded and your person violated.

Did the keys ever turn up?

dale434 · Oct 30, 2008

She broke "the box" when she did that...I would have realy been upset especially being a male in a female environment...and probably would have not only been upset but stated a few unpleasant words to reinforce my feelings and then reported her to the house supervisor.:uhoh21:

Pudnluv, ASN, RN · Oct 30, 2008

No, you didn't over react. She had no business going through your pockets! I probably would've swatted her and spewed a string of obscenities out my mouth. She could've asked you to check your pockets. Sheeeesh, can't tell you how many times one of us walks around with the storeroom key in our pockets cause we forget we have it. You don't like guilty of anything. You are righteously idignant!

Jo Dirt · Oct 30, 2008

Let go of the feeling that you gave the wrong impression. Hang on to the thought that you didn't want your space invaded and your person violated.
Did the keys ever turn up?

Yes, she had left them on her medicine cart.

She is really a good friend and a good person. She wasn't trying to accuse me of stealing anything, she was just desperate to find the keys (it was the end of the night and things were still crazy and we were all tired and wanted to go home, last thing she wanted was to be stuck looking for keys.)

But I won't even let my husband start grabbing in my pockets...that always just seems wrong to me. I don't like to be cold, but I have caught myself moving away from family members and other co-workers if they get too close or try to touch my shoulder. Sometimes, it will occur to me what I am doing and I will then make a conscious effort not to seem so stiff. Not long ago, I was talking with a family member and could tell by the look on her face she was a little taken back and I realized why when I saw her hand out like she had intended to put it on my shoulder but missed because I had stepped back. Gosh, I love those people where I work and wouldn't want to hurt them for anything. We're in the South, after all, where everyone is "Sugar" and "Sweetie."

I know this isn't the Dr. Phil feelings hour, but I have been hurt a lot in my life (emotionally) and I guess I've put up a wall to keep others away...or something like that. Maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it, maybe it was my mother and her proper British manners (she's not British but very educated and smart and doesn't act like a hillbilly.)

I shouldn't let it bother me, but I can't help it. I should have turned around and grabbed the garbage out of my pockets so they could see I didn't have anything but at the time it didn't occur to me to do so. Everyone was laughing. We all tend to laugh and joke around and I am sure I seem very easy going, which is probably all the more reason they think I had something I shouldn't have.

I think I'm neurotic.

allnurses Guide · Oct 30, 2008

I hear you, I can't hardly stand to be touched much either. And I'm from the South. And to the best of my knowledge, I was never abused or anything. I come from a family that is rather NON touchy-feely; I can't remember ever hugging my parents much until I was about college age.

Medic09, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Oct 30, 2008

I think the reaction is pretty reasonable, FWIW.

I suspect that she was just being too friendly, and unaware of your sensitivities. Don't make a big deal of it. For the sake of comfort and friendship, hand her a cup of coffee and nicely explain 'I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I really don't like my space invaded in that way. I hope I didn't overreact, but please don't do that again.' She'll probably apologize, you all will kiss-and-make-up and it will be over.

Friends need to learn each other's sensitivities, and it usually happens by accident. That may be all this was.

Aside from this, if you think you are supersensitive to the point that it affects relationships, see someone professional about sorting it out. But I still think you are entitled to your privacy no matter what.