I really need some advice...long......

[beanpod]

I really need some advice. I am a LPN student at a small private college that has a newer Nursing Program that Is accredited. I have completed 70 out of the 96 credits needed so far. I am a mother of four children under the age of ten and have managed to stay on the Dean's list every quarter.

This is what happened: During a clinical experience at an acute care rehab facility another student and I was assigned to a rather impersonal nurse for the day, they were short staffed and the stress levels were high. I was assigned to do as much of the cares as possible (under supervision of course) for two patients. One was extremely angry that his meds were late etc..., okay so it took a while but I calmned him down and finally managed to get out of his room. I get back to the med cart and my nurse was very upset with me that it took me so long. She informed me I was LATE on getting my next patient's meds ready. (Um, every patient's meds were late that morning!) So I tried to remain calm, and carefully go through the meds, doing my 3 checks etc... to about 12 different medications. One was Marinol that I had never heard of and couldn't find. The nurse informed me "it's in the fridge", so I asked where the fridge was and she handed me the keys to the med closet. I asked her which key, as I examined the key ring with 20 keys on it, and she said "you'll have to figure it out, I did". Okay so I went in and found the fridge, realized I didn't know if I was looking for a vial, syringe etc... I found the Marinol, got out and continued getting the meds ready all while the nurse and co-student were hovering over my shoulders unconsciously rushing me. Okay, so it was insulin time. I went to draw up the insulin and I drew up the WRONG amount, handed it to the nurse for her to double check and she looked at me and said, "If your instructor were here right now, you would be dismissed!", my co-student nodded her head in agreeance and said, "Yeah, that's a failed competency." Wow! I couldn't believe I had just done that AND they had just said that to me. I took in a deep breath and re-drew the insulin, handed it over and of course it was correct. (*Please keep in mind I had drawn up insulin at least 25 times before this and always had it correct and ALWAYS had it double checked for safety.) This was just a bad morning and a rushed one at that. At this point I started to lose control. A tear started to stream down my cheek and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold them back. I whispered to the nurse, "I need a few minutes, I need to walk away." She said, "Okay, walk away."

**My history: I have suffered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks since 2003. However, things are 90% better than they were when I was first diagnosed. Especially since I started school, I had less time to focus on me and my symptoms because I was forced to study and pay attention to what was going on around me. School was/is good for me.

I walked out to my van, sat down and literally lost it. I just started balling my eyes out; I stuck the keys in the ignition and drove away. I called my Dean of Nursing immediately as I was driving and told her what happened and that I was on my way to campus to talk to her. (What I did wrong: I did not stay on site, and find one of my instructors to talk to, I panicked and left.)

So I get to school, and sit down with my Dean (keep in mind again this is a small campus and everyone knows everyone.) we went over what happened play by play and how my stress just took over and I lost it and made a poor judgment call by leaving. She had said, "It would speak volumes if you went back there, however, I won't hold it against you if you don't." After I told her I didn't think it would be a good idea in the mindset I was in, she said, "Go home, get some rays and open your books, just try to relax." We went over what I did wrong, and what I could have done differently. I went home with instructions to call a specific instructor of mine who was on site and explain to her what happened.

I left and went home, called my Mom and husband and friend, balled my eyes out. Then I called my professor and explained what happened that morning, what I did wrong and what I know I should've done differently. This was SO hard.

The next morning I got a call from my Dean that I needed to come in for a meeting with her and another one of my instructors. I went in having no idea they were about to tell me they were failing me from clinical. Not the program, just the clinical. I asked why, you may be able to see why I was confused after everything seemed fine the day before. The answer I was given was because, "I did not follow through with what I was told to do." After getting that clarified, I was told to call my instructor later and tell her in detail what happened, which I did do....as I was told. I said, "No, I am not satisfied with this...there has got to be a better reason than that, I have taken full accountability for my actions, I am an exceptional student with a perfect history..... NO-they were failing me from clinical. End of story. My Dean even went was far as to say the facility we were doing clinicals at was considering not inviting our school back for future clinical due to this incident. I was shocked! There was no scene caused, everything was under control, no one was hurt or even in any remote danger of being hurt and I am a STUDENT. The conversation was elevated to the point of my Dean screaming at me. WOW, I seriously thought I was having a nightmare. I said I was willing to go to the facility and apologize for any inconvenience I caused, and she said that would be a good idea.

Okay so I sent an e-mail that weekend to my instructors, Dean and Director of Campus relations pleading my case. That Monday morning I called the clinical facility to speak with the nurse educator who handles all the clinical students and asked if there was a time I could meet with her that day and discuss what happened and how I was concerned that my school may not be invited back because of me. She asked me my name and said, "Funny, you're not even on my radar." WHAT!? So I went in and spoke with her professionally without getting into the drama and took accountability for my actions and what I should have done differently etc.... and I told her that the facility was a GREAT place for clinical and a wonderful learning experience for our students.

Still at this point I was unsure exactly why I was failed. I met with all the bigwigs that week and I was told they were failing me because of "patient abandonment". Seriously?! As a student working under another nurse and two Instructors....Patient abandonment? Okay, so I fought and fought and nothing. No second chance...sorry. Are they making an example out of me? Could this really be patient abandonment? What about my hx of anxiety/panic?

I have documented everything thoroughly. Now instead of graduating in December I will graduate in June 2010. Nursing II is not offered again until January and then one more quarter after that. 6 more months of school, 6 more months of not working as a nurse, with a nurses pay.

Can I file a grievance? If so what for? Tuition, seeing as I have to pay another 3,800.00 for this class even though in the classroom portion I had an A- at mid-terms... I really need help. I thought I could let this go, but I can't. Every time I let it get to me it's almost as if a part of me has died. I let down my family who helps support us and our four kids; I let down my husband, my kids. Is there anything I can do besides buck up and move on? ANY Positive or constructive help is greatly appreciated.

Lost in the politics of Nursing School,

A Great Future LPN

[JenniferSews]

Whoa. Deep breath! It sounds like you've had a rough week.

Unfortunately I don't think you can do anything other than take it as a very painful learning experience and move on. The bottom line is that you will ALWAYS have bad days and moments in nursing. Things will go wrong, patients will have bad outcomes and you will make mistakes. But walking out is never the answer, like being a mom you can't just walk out and go home when things are bad. Leaving a clinical like that would get me dismissed from my program entirely, no question about it. Even if you are a student, that patient is still your responsibility.

I don't mean to sound harsh. I empathise with you completely, but from an outsiders view I don't think you have any recourse. Hang in there, it's hard to have to repeat a semester. It's hard feeling like you've let down yourself, your family and everyone on the planet, I know. It may take you a few weeks to forgive yourself and gain some perspective, but it isn't the end of the world. Many hugs!

[LaughingRN]

I also sends ((((hugs)))))

Reading your post was hard because it was so sincere.

I have read so many stories about students having hard times, that I have begun to think that clinical experiences are like a lottery, very few win the jackpot.

I have a feeling that there may be a few people on here that are going to tell you that you that "you should have known better than to leave, and take responsibility for your actions"

I'm not going to tell you that, because if you had known, you wouldn't have done it.

I will give you my advice and take it with a grain of salt.

Go back to school in January, graduate in the summer, and then carry on with your career. At this point I see you fighting a losing battle. I think that you may regret the consequences of what may occur if you attempt to go to war. I would hate to see you post part 2.

(warning, stupid analogy that I made up)

Life throws many rocks at our windshield, and sometimes you have to just give the life-truck your favorite dirty phrase, the middle finger and carry on home. A crack in the glass won't make your car stop running, but if you U-turn and chase him off the road and write-off you car in the process, you won't be going very far, very fast.

(/end analogy with apology)

Best wishes &

Good luck

[Fig77]

My girlfriend used to have super anxiety so I think I could relate to you a little bit. I would say what has happened has happened even though I could see how that nurse and that student could have done better. One thing I learned in my life is that I can't change other peoples personality, I could make myself more adapt to them.

[runtagua]

Definitely sounds like a crappy experience and a crappy week. But here's the thing... You ARE a good student. And you CAN do this. But don't fight the losing battle. Hold your head high, take that class in January, and ACE THAT SH!T.

Six months is nothing. You've come a long way. Failure is not an option at this point. But don't fight what you can't win. Part of this is knowing when to quit. YOU CAN DO THIS.

[MrazFan]

Being a fellow nursing student, I can understand why you would have felt upset at the time, but the reality is that you left a clinical site mid-shift without reporting off to your instructor or even the nurse that was supervising you (you did say you needed a moment, which I think would have been fine, but needing a moment to gather yourself and leaving the facility without the intent of returning are two very different things). I'm not sure how it works at your school, but at my school, even though we are students, WE are responsible for our assigned patients while we are at the facility. So yes, leaving without notifying somebody at the facility, would constitute patient abandonment. Whether it was your intention or not, that is the reality. And not only did you leave without letting anyone know, you went to talk to the Dean, then went home and called your mom, husband and a friend BEFORE you called your instructor! So who knows if your patients received meds/cares as they should have because it was your responsibility and you walked out, and the staff and other students and your instructor were left to "figure it out" because you didn't say anything, and I assume it was hours later before you actually spoke to your instructor. If you were an actual RN working at a facility, you would likely have been fired on the spot. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think you were wrong, and your school has every right to fail you. They could dismiss you from the program completely, which they are not, but they could. I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice to try and stir the pot on this one. I don't see it as a battle that you could win, unfortunately. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, and I apologize if it seems that I am coming off that way, but I'm trying to be real in this response and not sugar coat things.

As I said, at least they're not dismissing you from the program, which they could have done. They're allowing you another chance, and yes, it sucks that you have to wait longer to graduate, but at least you still have the opportunity. Learn from this mistake. Keep your chin up and get through it, and then you can get on with the rest of your life.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

You were failed because you abandoned your patients. That is a huge problem even if you are just a student. What happens when you graduate and you have coworkers riding you because you are a new grad or they are just butt heads to begin with? You cant just get up and drive away. Im sorry but I hate to agree with the school in this situation. You did do something wrong and while this punishment might be rather extreme right off the bat, you do deserve some form of punishment

[Isitpossible, LPN, LVN]

im sorry for your experience...however, i think you leaving the site without instructing clinical faculty was the big mistake...i understand you went straight to your dean, but your dean is not the one responsible for you at your particular site..your dean in a round-about way told you in essence you should return to your site, but you didnt...now it seems that she was not quite honest in saying that the situation will not be used against you, b/c in fact it was...

i really do sympathize with your feelings and how the stress level was more than you can bear...But, as someone else mentioned you will deal with alot of stress in your days as a nurse...in this profession we simply cannot under any circumstances just leave...we cant...and that part you have to really have to understand...im sure many student/nurses have had the days where they cant take it anymore...but again we cant just leave without making proper notifications at the site...and sadly it is patient abandonment...PLEASE do NOT make cause any more battles over this...take the extra 6 months..you made a mistake, and we have to pay our consequences...please choose battles wisely..you will NOT win this one...let it go...and it may not seem like it now, but in most school if you fail clinical you also fail the class!! so in that respect you are LUCKY....im sure you wont make this mistake again..you will soon be a practicing nurse..you could lose your job over this, and have a permanent stain on your work record...(think about it!) you are still ahead of the game with a hard lesson learned...and its okay, we are only human.....

take a deep breath, smile, find better coping mechanisms, and be on your way!!! good luck to you!

[rachelgeorgina]

Just because there was another student and a a licensed nurse responsible, also, for your patient allocation, doesn't mean you can up and leave them at any time. They are your responsibility, no matter who else's they might be, also. Patient abandonment it certainly was, no matter how much responsibility you took for your actions (which I do applaud you for).

That aside, your anxiety/panic issues have no bearing on the situation. If you aren't well enough to work because of your panic/anxiety issues, then you shouldn't. Otherwise, you need to be well equipped to handle whatever comes up. Next time there's a cow of a nurse on and picking on you, and you panic, will it be okay and to up and leave because of your particular issues? No. It never well. I empathize, I suffer from an array of psychiatric disorders which have the potential to impair my ability to practice well and safely. If it's ever the case that I'm not well enough to work because my disorders might effect patient safety - I don't work. You can't care for others if you can't care for yourself.

[Fig77]

I think what a lot of people here fail to understand is how severe the anxiety disorder is. I know this first hand because my girlfriend suffered from this for years and hers was severe enough that she couldn't finish her high school. For her college, she had to take online classes. And the ones she couldn't take online, I took classes with her.

In OP's scenario, we have to be bit more realistic against the standards, rules and regulations made up by people (who have no idea what anxiety disorder is). Give me a break about patient abandonment - when there is the real nurse who is actually responsible for the care. Even though student nurse is held to the same standards as licensed nurse, we are human beings first and nurse (or student nurse) after that. Anxiety disorder could be strong enough when provoked you can't think anything but leave the scene. I wish the we the "normal" people could admit or learn more about it.

[rachelgeorgina]

^ If the anxiety disorder is so severe that it interferes with one's work to the degree of patient abandonment (because really, that's what happened, whether or not the OP was a student or not), then one shouldn't be working as their anxiety disorder could put others at risk. & that's not cool. At all.

I suffer from Bipolar Disorder (as well as an anxiety and eating disorder). If I'm not well, I don't work. I could very easily put my patients at risk. If I'm hypoglycemic, hypotensive and orthostatic because of my eating disordered symptoms, it isn't safe for me to work. If I'm manic, I can't work either. If I'm experiencing severe anxiety, I definitely should not work. Not only is it a burden on me when I should be focusing on getting back to baseline, I am a risk to the people I am working with and caring for.

Anxiety disorders should not be an excuse for any sort of behaviour like this, no matter how much responsibility one takes after the fact.

[Fig77]

That aside, your anxiety/panic issues have no bearing on the situation. If you aren't well enough to work because of your panic/anxiety issues, then you shouldn't. Otherwise, you need to be well equipped to handle whatever comes up. Next time there's a cow of a nurse on and picking on you, and you panic, will it be okay and to up and leave because of your particular issues? No. It never well. I empathize, I suffer from an array of psychiatric disorders which have the potential to impair my ability to practice well and safely. If it's ever the case that I'm not well enough to work because my disorders might effect patient safety - I don't work. You can't care for others if you can't care for yourself.

That's harsh. People who genuinely don't care about patients are allowed to work as long as they go the lincence, why shouldn't the people who really care but got anxiety issues once in a while work in caring field of nursing. Nursing is about seeing the person as a whole (holistic care remember) including psychological and psychosocial well being. Those people who are in this allnurses should be able to see from psych's perspective too.

Next time there is a cow of nurses picking on you what would you do? Hello, there is a supervisor/ director at place to go to. And this situation is different than what really happened. At the clinical site, there was a real nurs, who we knew for sure was the real nurse taking care of the patient.