I have been regular lurker(sp.?) on this board. I enjoy reading the discussions and was able to learn a great deal about nursing, but most of all found you valuable source of support for each other not only in the nursing but in any other aspect of life. And here I am need an advice about personal matter. I apologize if my post will be long and boring and for my English. ( I'm a "old" new comer, it's been 7 years since we came to America and I'm still learning).
I am a 31 year old SAHM with 2 wonderful girls (6 and almost 3). We came to America through working visa from my husband work as I mentioned 7 years ago. My husband is a software Engineer so he earns enough money for us to live comfortably on just his income.
He is a wonderful father to the girls, devote 100 % of his time to them when he's home and a wouldn't be far from truth if I say that if my girls would ask for a moon or a star, he will turn the Earth upside down and get it for them.
I guess there is the trouble in the paradise. I have been thinking about leaving my husband due to his anger problem It so easy to anger him, a dirty plate in the sink, a stuck of towels that not folded in the right way, light that wasn't turn off., of course the shopping, I can go on and on. It's not that he is angry all the time, it's like the cycle everything is okay, then his tension will grow and he's becoming more and more agitated and then there is outburst of his anger episodes, and everything is okay for a while, until the next time. He never hit, but the things that he does humiliate me every time. He would take all credit cards, money, block the computer with the password, take the car keys not to mention his belittelings( I'm lucky the school where my 6 year old going to is in 5 walking minutes from home).
I tried to leave couple of times. First time was in 2001. Being home for 2 and a half years (wasn't permitted to work) , I was able to learn programming language all by my self, read books on software testing and finally found a job as a software tester shortly after I got my employment authorization. I liked the job and it paid $60,000 a year, I was getting ready to leave. Only that after 5 weeks of working I was layed off due to my company downsizing. That was in 2001. when Silicon Valley computer industry was just beginning the downhill roll. To make the story short I didn't find a job after, every ware needed computer science degree. Working then I was stronger and I was able to insist to go to college for computer science. That semester I took 20 units included calculus, programming fundamentals, English. Ended up with GPA 4.00 ( sorry couldn't help my self not to show off, I'm holding to this GPA as a last straw to remember that I am not dumb! You hear it so many times, you start to believe it.). I gave up after one semester. The home demands and his anger because I took time to study instead of doing the housework. The all 4 month I heard that what we are doing in the school is a children play and I don't have the brain complete the degree. And I was pregnant with our second child. I gave up.
I'm not sorry for not going trough with computer science. I try to look about time that I took from college as an opportunity to be with my kids. There are the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm thankful for the time with them. They are little for so little time. I'm also thankful for not going trough with computer science because I realized ( I know that i could have thought about this earlier, or so I told by the hubby ) that computer science is not at all what I want to do. You know the instability, long hours for being a mother, the topic was covered extensively on this board. I began to think about careers that would also allow me to be a mother, a single mother. I arrived to 2 choices: Special education teacher or Nursing. I was exploring allnurses.com, read about the profession and got scared of the responsibility for human life that nursing job entitles. So I decided to go with special education.
So last year, I tried to leave again. I found a job as a special education aide in severe disability class. It wasn't easy, but I was able to bond with those kids and enjoyed them. After another episode of anger, when my husband took my cards, money, cell phone and the car key and I was working now, I had to call my friend to bring me to the work. I had enough. I went to the lawyer, on his advise took money from our account ( half from what we had) and told him that I had enough, I want to leave.
He begged that he will try to change. He said that he loves the girls so much, he will do anything for them. And I believed him. I maid another 2 mistakes. I left the job and after 3 month of him begging I gave the money back. Things were good for a while and I so wanted to believe that he wants to work things out. SO here we are 3 more month and things exactly the way they were, with no money , no phone.
If you still reading my story thank you for bearing with me.
I changed my mind about special education. Again !. The school here in California are going trough rough times. Teachers are being layed off too. Here goes the stability again. After reading and thinking about nursing for a couple of last month,I decided that Nursing would better suit my family needs. And if I need to work hard for it so be it. I just hope that I will have enough competence and assertiveness to be a good nurse. I'm not trying to open a discussion whether I should be or nurse or not , it is part of my story. I know computer science, special education, now nursing, I seem to change my mind a lot.
I registered to start prerequisites in the community college, I also so much want to leave.
I afraid that if I do it in unplanned way, things will turn against me. I hear so many stories about women loosing their kids and everything else.
SO here are my questions (that is if you still here)
DO you think that it is realistic for me to be able to leave if I will only get part time job so I can get started with school right away?( I mean going for nursing assistant training program in the fall and starting chem. Biology in spring)?. I also will take out loans. After C N A class work 2 shifts a week plus every other weekend and go to school.. DO you think that my having a temp job in the beginning will affect custody of my children.? The last thing that I want is find my self loosing them ( I know that this is a lawyer kind of question, wanted your opinion on this)
Or do you think that I should get a temporary full time position to be able to get trough transition time more smoothly and showing that I can support my self and then continue with my plan to pursue nursing with part time C N A position. I afraid that this scenario will affect child support letter that I will need to get through nursing school
Thank you so much for taking your time to read my story.
