Okay, here goes, I am 36 years old, a mom of 3: 17-boy,15-boy and 7-girl. I was married at 18 to their father. Put my life on hold as most of us do, to have a family. I had taken health occupations for 3 years in High School, but became a CNA at 18. Stayed a CNA for 13 years. I have now been a LPN for 3 years and a RN NOW for 3 years. My husband and I have recently separated due to years of occasional physical, and mental abuse. He still will slap me if I get in the way of protecting my 17 year old son, whom is giving alot of rebellion.(wonder why- duh) Anyway, Everything is radiating from my 17 year old including him hitting my 15 year old who is deaf but thats all. His father had came to the house last week and left his car while I was at work on 3rd so he could bring things to fix the roof the next day in a truck. The 17 yo stole my key off my key chain and stole his dads car and went joy riding leaving his 15 yo brother and 7 yo sis at home alone at 3 am. If anything was to happen the 15 yo wouldnt know. Some hx- we took his truck a month ago for laying out of school 17 days then getting kicked out for 10 for disrespecting a teacher, well he still graduated somehow, mostly 70s in all classes thru HS. Yes he did get 200.00 for grad but no new car or anything(and he hasnt let me forget). Well last night I came to work-the truck is now at the house- he had a key made previously I didnt know about, took it for a ride last night, when I confronted him he blew up and tried to go after his brother to hit him. I got in the middle and told him it had to stop and was cussing me for everything with every word imaginable, well, I told him if he didnt leave, I would call the sheriffs dept., he left with some clothes walking. I am now at work, 2 30 am , my cousin is watching my other kids. WHAT DO I DO- My husband doesnt see the cycle and says"How many times did I hit you" and I replied"One time was one time too much", He wont go get counseling, really I dont think he thinks anything is his fault, but you and I know it is ALL his fault. Actually he slapped me 2 weeks ago for getting in between them, I called the police and ya know what-go get papers filed-yeah right and him be even madder and possibly hurt me, it took them 35 min to come(I live in the boonies)---This doesnt explain it all --but please some input. I am a very caring, compassionate person, and it hurts to make my son leave, he needs help I know, but wont work has no ambitions, and he isnt hurting his brother and talking like that in my house. Oh-----and my husband always downs me for bein a nurse, he told me to stop diagnosing everyone, he has a hx of MI in family.
wow, i was going to try and reply but now that I read this reply i dont think that i need to! this reply says it all. i am very sorry for everything going on. i feel like reaching out to help somehow. i am 18 myself and i will be attending the florida hospital college of health sciences nursing program in august. i am planning on getting my masters in nursing and then joining doctors without borders or becoming an international travel nurse. the only reason why i am telling u about myself is b/c i am willing to talk to your son online if he has aol instant messaging. normally i wouldnt offer my personal info to a complete stranger but i cant help but to try and help. i know that sometimes it may help kids to talk to their own peers and since i am 18 i thought maybe it might help if i talked to him a little, offer advice, try to guide him in a directions that will give him a better life...with more goals, etc. i love counseling and listening to people. maybe thats what he needs...someone to talk to. if u are interested u can email me at [email protected]. if u have questions about me feel free to ask.
best of luck, marissa
Hey little girl, things are getting very hectic! I have a 17 year old son who has been in similar trouble, stealings cars, getting high and drunk. Reclusive and defliant and an ex husband who blames me and tells his son that these problems are MY FAULT and that I am a BAD MOTHER!!!!
First, I restricted my ex's contact with my son. Next I randomly drug tested my son, then I hired a security guard to pick him up every day after school and stay with him until I could be there. Then, I continued my son in therapy with a great shrink.
My son is now a happy guy who is doing well in school. As we speak he is actually whistling and trotting off to school, even said "By Mom, have a good day!!"
What worked for me in getting through all this:
1. Knowing and coming to the conclusion that my son's Dad is a deadbeat emotionally with his own agenda and I cannot count on him to be supportive of my son or myself. The less we see or hear from him, the better off we all are.
2. Using every available resource, whether it's through my son's high school, neighbors, family members and friends to look out for us, come around as often as possible, be there for us etc. Frequent phone calls, monitoring and emails to stay focused.
3. Reducing my work hours. I work registry and cut back on my schedule to about 16 to 24 hours a week, usually home by 4 PM.
Please consider working day time hours, it sounds like most of the monkey business happens while you are at work at night.
Lock your purse, all keys etc. in your bedroom when you come home and when you go to bed. Remove the temptation.
Your son is still legally a minor, you are responsible if he causes any damage.
Restrict your ex husbands access to your home, your children. Big feffen deal if he pays the mortgage! It's technically half his also and I am sure when your divorce settlement is final, he will insist on half of the equity.
Take some karate, tai kwondo or another form of self defense. Not only will the exercise relieve some stress, it will give you self confidence that you never had before. Many community centers offer low cost or often free courses, also check with your local law enforcement agency since you said you live in a remote area.
On that regard I would also insist that a patrol car do a drive by at least once an evening, you may even suggest that for the time being they come and spot check your home. It takes them all of 5 minutes, you can offer the officer a cup of coffee, they get to know your kids and cops LOVE nurses!
I know these suggestions seem overwhelming but write them down and check them off one at a time, as you consider them. Someone suggested them to me at a time when I was floundering and they kept on pushing me until I MOVED in the right direction! SO MOVE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION BABY!!!
Lastly, be kind to yourself. Get a pedicure, have lunch with a friend, play in your garden or plant a garden. Journal, paint, knit. Express what is going on.
wow, i was going to try and reply but now that I read this reply i dont think that i need to! this reply says it all. i am very sorry for everything going on. i feel like reaching out to help somehow. i am 18 myself and i will be attending the florida hospital college of health sciences nursing program in august. i am planning on getting my masters in nursing and then joining doctors without borders or becoming an international travel nurse. the only reason why i am telling u about myself is b/c i am willing to talk to your son online if he has aol instant messaging. normally i wouldnt offer my personal info to a complete stranger but i cant help but to try and help. i know that sometimes it may help kids to talk to their own peers and since i am 18 i thought maybe it might help if i talked to him a little, offer advice, try to guide him in a directions that will give him a better life...with more goals, etc. i love counseling and listening to people. maybe thats what he needs...someone to talk to. if u are interested u can email me at [email protected]. if u have questions about me feel free to ask.
best of luck, marissa
Thanks, when and if he decides to come home I will try to get him to talk to you, I just love my children so much and want the best in life for them. Atleast I know he is safe, he is staying with a friend, one of his other friends told me.
feel free to email me anytime whenever he gets home. i would love to help. but in the meantime just hang in there. i know it must be hard.
Thanks, when and if he decides to come home I will try to get him to talk to you, I just love my children so much and want the best in life for them. Atleast I know he is safe, he is staying with a friend, one of his other friends told me.
I don't understand why you didn't leave him years ago, in order to protect yourself & your children.
Well you know ppl always ask that question to women that have been through this, if you grow up with it you think it is normal for one, low self esteem is another (heard of dependent personality? that USED to be me) It is very hard to explain if you have never been in that situation with all the factors involved. I try not to be judgemental, and always try to show empathy with other peoples situations. It was not always focused on the children, I could handle it but now, since my oldest son is the main target, thats why I made him leave. But now my son is also gone, and it is killing me but he has to be responsible for his actions and wont listen to my advice. And yes I know this comes from me not making his dad be responsible for his actions years ago.
Well you know ppl always ask that question to women that have been through this, if you grow up with it you think it is normal for one, low self esteem is another (heard of dependent personality? that USED to be me) It is very hard to explain if you have never been in that situation with all the factors involved. I try not to be judgemental, and always try to show empathy with other peoples situations. It was not always focused on the children, I could handle it but now, since my oldest son is the main target, thats why I made him leave. But now my son is also gone, and it is killing me but he has to be responsible for his actions and wont listen to my advice. And yes I know this comes from me not making his dad be responsible for his actions years ago.
Bingo. You've just made the first big step in making your both your son and your soon-to-be-ex realize that the curtain has finally been brought down on The Punch and Judy Show and that you are no longer going to take this crap from either of them. If you have to, get a restraining order and get the locks changed on your doors. I did just that, after my husband and I separated and he would not heed my repeated requests to stay away from me. He heard me THAT time!
Okay, here goes, I am 36 years old, a mom of 3: 17-boy,15-boy and 7-girl. I was married at 18 to their father. Put my life on hold as most of us do, to have a family. I had taken health occupations for 3 years in High School, but became a CNA at 18. Stayed a CNA for 13 years. I have now been a LPN for 3 years and a RN NOW for 3 years. My husband and I have recently separated due to years of occasional physical, and mental abuse. He still will slap me if I get in the way of protecting my 17 year old son, whom is giving alot of rebellion.(wonder why- duh) Anyway, Everything is radiating from my 17 year old including him hitting my 15 year old who is deaf but thats all. His father had came to the house last week and left his car while I was at work on 3rd so he could bring things to fix the roof the next day in a truck. The 17 yo stole my key off my key chain and stole his dads car and went joy riding leaving his 15 yo brother and 7 yo sis at home alone at 3 am. If anything was to happen the 15 yo wouldnt know. Some hx- we took his truck a month ago for laying out of school 17 days then getting kicked out for 10 for disrespecting a teacher, well he still graduated somehow, mostly 70s in all classes thru HS. Yes he did get 200.00 for grad but no new car or anything(and he hasnt let me forget). Well last night I came to work-the truck is now at the house- he had a key made previously I didnt know about, took it for a ride last night, when I confronted him he blew up and tried to go after his brother to hit him. I got in the middle and told him it had to stop and was cussing me for everything with every word imaginable, well, I told him if he didnt leave, I would call the sheriffs dept., he left with some clothes walking. I am now at work, 2 30 am , my cousin is watching my other kids. WHAT DO I DO- My husband doesnt see the cycle and says"How many times did I hit you" and I replied"One time was one time too much", He wont go get counseling, really I dont think he thinks anything is his fault, but you and I know it is ALL his fault. Actually he slapped me 2 weeks ago for getting in between them, I called the police and ya know what-go get papers filed-yeah right and him be even madder and possibly hurt me, it took them 35 min to come(I live in the boonies)---This doesnt explain it all --but please some input. I am a very caring, compassionate person, and it hurts to make my son leave, he needs help I know, but wont work has no ambitions, and he isnt hurting his brother and talking like that in my house. Oh-----and my husband always downs me for bein a nurse, he told me to stop diagnosing everyone, he has a hx of MI in family.
Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
Wishing you well. As this topic is not general nursing in nature, and you would not be able to reply if I place it in the break room, I'm going to give it a gentle close now.
melloyelloducky
10 Posts
wow, i was going to try and reply but now that I read this reply i dont think that i need to! this reply says it all. i am very sorry for everything going on. i feel like reaching out to help somehow. i am 18 myself and i will be attending the florida hospital college of health sciences nursing program in august. i am planning on getting my masters in nursing and then joining doctors without borders or becoming an international travel nurse. the only reason why i am telling u about myself is b/c i am willing to talk to your son online if he has aol instant messaging. normally i wouldnt offer my personal info to a complete stranger but i cant help but to try and help. i know that sometimes it may help kids to talk to their own peers and since i am 18 i thought maybe it might help if i talked to him a little, offer advice, try to guide him in a directions that will give him a better life...with more goals, etc. i love counseling and listening to people. maybe thats what he needs...someone to talk to. if u are interested u can email me at [email protected]. if u have questions about me feel free to ask.
best of luck, marissa