Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
Interesting you lose "all respect for your colleague" but no disdain expressed for the OTHER half of this affair. So it always goes. The "other woman" is to blame, particularly if she is a nurse. But the doctor? Nope. And guess who loses their position if this is found out by management? Yep, the nurse. The esteemed doctor keeps his position, and respect, while conducting himself like sleezebag, but HEY WE GOT THE NURSE------------that'll show her!!! Ha HA!
OP, you misplace your blame when putting it all on the nurse. And I personally, have lost respect for people who are do in others' business as much as this post expresses. MYOB. Seriously.
Except that she didn't do that. Read the first post, where she says she lost respect for both. Read the subsequent post where she says the doctor is losing respect from colleagues across the board.
And, once again, hard to MYOB when it's being shoved in your face.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
AGAIN, the OP needs to MYOB. She TITLED the thread, "I lost all respect for my colleague", and that denotes a strong connotation of lop-sided blame. Maybe change the title then. And yes, she should Mind her own business. There is plenty to do without getting oneself in the middle of such drama.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Once a long, long time ago, one of my techs was having a blatant and indiscreet affair with our senior/medical director MD. It was obvious, flagrant and annoying. I STILL minded my own business. It got ugly when after the two had gotten married, dumping their respective spouses------ when only TWO years later, they were in divorce court. And the insults and bad words were flying! The ugly feelings were all around and it was hard not to notice.
STILL minded my own business. I wanted nothing to do with the whole affair.I go to work to WORK, not listen to or spread sleezy details about such things. Do I hear them? Yes, and am I tempted to "get all in", at times, yes. But after many years working in many situations, military and nursing among them, I learned it was enough to watch my back, stay focused on my job and keep out of others' affairs.
I have seen many nurse-doctor dalliances in my career. I stayed out of them. Glad I did.
It really was none of my affair.
PS. You know, when I think about it, all these affairs ended HORRIBLY. One with the suicide of the doctor's wife when she discovered the affair with a nurse coworker. That, too, was years ago, but I remember the horror of that situation like yesterday. The nurse, too, had her entire career derailed by this whole affair. They just do not end well.
I know how distracting this stuff is, which further strengthens my resolve to STAY OUT of it.
Except that she didn't do that. Read the first post, where she says she lost respect for both. Read the subsequent post where she says the doctor is losing respect from colleagues across the board.
And, once again, hard to MYOB when it's being shoved in your face.
Yeah sharing a chair in the break room isn't shoving anything in anyone's face. People look for scandal when there is none, especially if they have their own agenda. And from the OP it sounds like there's some jealousy and anger directed at Heidi, even before the whole chair thing.
Depending on the situation, one could both mind their own business yet still have an opinion about it. I would neither say nor do anything, but I'd be thinking to myself that both colleagues are displaying very unprofessional behavior, if nothing else.
Depending on the situation, one could both mind their own business yet still have an opinion about it. I would neither say nor do anything, but I'd be thinking to myself that both colleagues are displaying very unprofessional behavior, if nothing else.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Depending on the situation, one could both mind their own business yet still have an opinion about it. I would neither say nor do anything, but I'd be thinking to myself that both colleagues are displaying very unprofessional behavior, if nothing else.
AND I would feel free to vent said opinion on AN.
I don't believe OP said she put herself in the middle of it; my perception was that she was just painting a verbal picture, not expressing jealousy of 'Heidi's" looks, sticking up for the doctor, or spreading gossip.
I, myself, find human behavior puzzling and disappointing, in real life AND ON THE INTERNET, a lot of times. In fact, just as often as I find delight, surprise, joy and humor.
Like anything else in life if you seek you shall find. I have been to many holiday parties hook ups for those who are looking are there for the taking. Hook ups that are made for the walk of shame are there. Me personally.... I have never found it an attractive trait to hook up from poor judgement caused by an over indulgence of alcohol.
Esme12, you have made my day with this post. I might sound sarcastic by saying this, but I seriously cannot wait to attend my first hospital holiday party and hook-up with an attractive, like-minded girl. I had no idea that they were regarded as such bountiful hunting grounds for those, both male and female, looking to engage in smokin', ember-red-hot, white-knuckle passionate sexual encounters. I never had much of an opportunity to live the party-student lifestyle when I was taking classes for my first degree, so you could say that I'm a bit late to the party (no pun intended).
duskyjewel
1,335 Posts
Except that she didn't do that. Read the first post, where she says she lost respect for both. Read the subsequent post where she says the doctor is losing respect from colleagues across the board.
And, once again, hard to MYOB when it's being shoved in your face.